Sambhaji’s elementary school had a feast before Thanksgiving. Parents were invited to eat in the cafeteria with their child’s class.
When Sambhaji got home that afternoon he told me I wasn’t the only dad who couldn’t make it – an attempt at comforting both of us I think. “Drew’s dad was there,” he said. “He said he knows you…can I play at Drew’s house?”
After a confusing few minutes of back and forth I figured out that Drew’s dad knew me but I didn’t know him. Sambhaji knitted his eyebrows at me and then slouched off disappointed and confused.
Sambhaji’s six now and guided through the most confusing parts of life by Penelope, who’s collected much wisdom in her eight years of living. She counseled her little brother in the next room while I rinsed his thermos and put away his lunch box.
“Drew’s dad knows your dad because your dad is famous…he was famous…once…a long long long time ago…before I was born…but now he helps children.”
My worst fear as a teenager was that I’d never change, never really live. I watched the teacher played by Robin Williams in Dead Poets Society demand that his students suck all the marrow out of life and something said “amen” inside of me.
And I watched my grandmother, my dad’s mom, cling to sameness and refuse to live. She suffered a stroke when I was small and, for decades afterward, never left her living room – “living” the same day again and again until she and her television moved to a nursing home where they continued to spend day after identical day together for several more years.
I’d rather die than stop living.
Penelope’s version of my story is too simplistic to be totally completely true. I was, for instance, never all that famous. And, also, I didn’t trade my fifteen minutes for helping children. But at the heart of her retelling is a truth about my life I’m glad she sees: I’ve changed. I’ve lived.
I don’t think today the way I did when I was nineteen. I don’t care today about the things that demanded so much of my attention when I was in my twenties.
My priorities, lifestyle, beliefs, work…they’ve all evolved. I’m not the same person reliving the same day again and again. I’m alive. And living things grow, reach upward, move outward.
I was mostly a musician before Penelope was born. A long long long time ago. And today I mostly help children.
I turn forty this month. Unafraid. Still changing. Living.
Denise says:
I agree completely. It’s all about helping others. Happy Birthday! The 40s are much better than the 20s.
Matthew McMahon says:
Happy birthday, and thanks for teaching some of us younger folk those lessons. ๐
Amy says:
Suddenly I feel so much hope for myself. I mean, you are 40 and feeling like you are still figuring things out. I just turned 39 and this life thing can be such a crap shoot and I am not even sure I am living correctly. ๐ But hey, the kids are alive, I made it to the grocery store today and I haven’t sat in front of the tv for years.
Kit says:
When I was a teenager, I wanted to be famous because I wanted to live too. I didn’t want to be the “same” as everyone else. God did not grant me that wish and for a while I thought he just changed those desires in me, but now I am realizing that those things in me are not gone but rather what they mean is just different than I thought when I was younger. Life is an interesting journey like that, isn’t it? ๐
Thomas Dalke says:
Happy birthday Shaun! glad to see that you made the forties club, which is an exiting time, since as the gray increases with age and experience so does the thankfulness. Your statement “I’d rather die than stop living” should be at the heart of Christian life and experience, thank you for it.
Shaun Groves says:
I hope it’s not my exiting time, Thomas.
Thomas Dalke says:
Sorry for the spelling mistake, exciting is what I meant and hope you experience as well.
Yvonne Reynolds says:
December is a great month to have a birthday, Happy Birthday to you!!
Kris says:
Happy birthday month to you! I’m happy you were born.