I’ll Be Fine.  He’s Certain. And She’s Praying.

Remember that whole eye twitch thing?  Well, I went and saw an opthamologist who looks just like Corbin Bernsen from L.A. Law.  And he said it’s just stress. He’s certain. And I said, “But I’m the happiest I think I’ve ever been in my whole life.” And he said it’s probably fatigue then. He’s certain.  And I said, “But I get loads of sleep these days.” And he said “whatever” – but using bigger words and lots of them. 

He said all this without ever looking at my eye.  Because he’s clairvoyant.  They teach clairvoyance in medical school; didja know that?

And then he said he’d take a look at my eye “since you’re here.”

As he looked he explained that in fifteen years of practicing medicine he’s never seen an eye twitch not fix itself.  Oh, and also, he explained that it’s not my eye twitching; it’s the muscles around the eye.  I told him I was pretty sure my eyeball was being moved around by those twitches. I can feel it. He said I was wrong. He’s certain. He’s never seen that before.

Then he said, “Oh.”

And I said, “‘Oh’, as in you’re gonna die or ‘oh’ as in you have the prettiest eyes I’ve ever seen?”

And he didn’t laugh but he did tell me my eyeball is twitching.  Actually, he said it’s “quivering” and in a way that he’s not seen exactly in fifteen years of looking at eyeballs.

So he’s passed me on to a neurologist who’s also an opthamologist.  But that guy can’t see me for another month.  Which Corbin Bernsen says is fine because, though he’s never seen an eyeball do exactly what mine is doing, he’s certain wat my eyeball is doing is nothing at all to be alarmed about.

Meanwhile, one corner of my mouth tugged downward without me telling it to in the middle of my concert last night.  Made me forget my words.  Then it happened again and again and again.

My mouth is cooperating this morning, probably because Gabriella is praying for me.  She said she hopes this twitch doesn’t keep moving down my body until it reaches my penis because that would be weird if I was talking to somebody and my penis started moving around.  She said that.  Exactly that.  Before saying she’d pray for me.

She’s eight.  And we don’t have cable.