There are two words I need to hear from you if we’re going to be close friends.  I’ll love you and even like you if I don’t hear these two words, but, I’ll admit, I won’t feel all that loved.  I need to hear “sorry” and “thanks.”

I’m a words guy.  You don’t have to give me stuff, do nice things for me, spend time with me, for me to feel the love.  All you have to do is say or write something nice.  Anything really.  I’m easy.  “Good job” on such and such.  “I appreciate” this or that. “I like” fill in the blank about you.  And we’re good.  For years, we’re good. I’ll remember that one time you said that one thing and it’ll keep me feeling loved and keep us connected in my mind for a long long time.

Words are tremendously important to me.  I assume your words, or lack thereof, are a reflection of how you truly think and feel.  Words are the overflow, as the bible says, of what’s in our heart.  Sure, you can lie and blow smoke up my skirt, so it’s important that your actions jive with your words.  But I assume, until your actions betray you, that what you say is what you truly think and feel.

And the two words I want to hear most are “thanks” and “sorry.” Without those, I won’t let you close to me.

“Thanks” and “sorry” both say you notice and I matter.  Is it possible to care about someone, to value someone, and never be grateful or remorseful?  To never be appreciative or take responsibility for mistakes?

And this is where Becky disagrees with me.  Yes, she says, being grateful and remorseful is essential to a healthy relationship.  But, she says, it’s assuming far too much to think that remorse and gratitude don’t exist just because the words aren’t spoken.  “Some of us,” she said,” just don’t say what we feel.” Huh, I thought.  That’s a great point. “Sorry,” I said.

What do you think?