Oh My Gosh! It’s Brant Hansen!

Middle-aged women and their tween-aged daughters flocked to Palm City, Florida on Saturday to catch a glimpse of their hunka hunka accordion-wileding love Brant Hansen of WAY-FM fame.  Shaun Groves, the soft rock star booked to perform for the crowd, was overheard saying to Brant just before show time, “There’s more to life than being really really ridiculously good-looking and funny and smart and stuff.  Brant.  BRANT!” Brant responded with, “Yea, I can sign your daughter.  Sure, ma’am.  It’s my pleasure to be there when you’re getting dressed every morning.”

Brant was slated to merely introduce Shaun but stayed around at management’s request so the large crowd wouldn’t follow the radio celeb out the door to Old Navy’s sleeveless shirt sale down the street and then to his pretend church.  Shaun was grateful.  Until Brant led the throngs of faithful WAY-FM listeners in pogo-ing to Abba Father.  “I just thought it grieved the Spirit is all…and they rushed the beat big time, so, you know, there’s that too,” Shaun stammered, explaining why he eventually renounced pacifism and took matters into his own hands.

imageShaun is out on $15 bail, which will be donated to WAY-FM by Impact Partner “Palm Beach County Jail.” He faces assault and battery charges on Friday and intends to plead not guilty.  “I don’t use batteries, man.  The rider clearly asks for a power strip at the front of the stage next to the two bottles of room temp Dasani and the pre-washed lint-free white hand towel.  See?  Right there?  ‘Pow-wer striiiip.’ I’m so not going to jail for this.”

In related news:

  • Brody got lost driving to Palm City
  • 39 children were sponsored through Compassion International in Palm City on Saturday night.
  • Brody got lost driving to Coral Springs, Florida late Saturday night…and to the church Sunday morning.
  • 101 children were sponsored through Compassion International Sunday morning in Coral Springs
  • Brody got lost driving to the airport Sunday afternoon
  • Brody is having his man parts examined this week to determine whether his God-given internal GPS system can be repaired before this weekend’s shows in Michigan and Wisconsin.
  • Thanks to Brant at WAY-FM for plugging our stop in SoFlo, and to Palm City and Coral Springs for showing up and saving so many kids from poverty.