My father-in-law planted it and my wife waters it but I wrote the songs that pay for the water and I married the girl who has the father who does the planting so, you can see, obviously, why I call the garden mine.  In my garden grows peppers, tomatoes, corn, ochre okra, squash, some herbs of some kind and the largest zucchini in my cul-de-sac and possibly the world.  In my garden.  Therefore I am a tremendous zucchini farmer.

Some photos to give you some perspective on the size of this zucchini.

The zucchini on a plate with other lesser produce.

The zucchini lounging beside a fifteen inch Macbook Pro.

The zucchini proving it is bigger than a monkey.

And almost bigger than my cat.  She’s obese though.  The zucchini and I think that should be taken into account.

Also, the zucchini is obviously much larger than the letter “B.”

The zucchini is about the same size as my arm.  My left arm.  But not my muscled strumming arm (not pictured).

Which would be handy if I ever were to lose an arm.  You know, it would be nice to just grow another, just call the father-in-law and buy more water and – presto! – a new arm. That’s useful if I ever lost mine and I wanted a new one and I didn’t want to travel around to churches telling the story of how I lost my arm while standing there in front of the everybody with a new one made out of zucchini.  Not sure what I would choose to do if I lost my arm but it’s nice to have options.

I thought the idea of a zucchini arm had merit until halfway through the first round of testing.  Even the best zucchini arm, turns out, slows down my typing.

So I think if I lose an arm I’ll fashion a new zucchini arm for myself and I’ll wear that zucchini arm all the time except when I’m touring around telling the inspirational story of how I lost my arm and also when I’m typing. But pretty much the rest of the time my arm will be a zucchini.