The first incident (picture above) occurred Tuesday afternoon when an unidentified worship pastor from somewhere other than Texas attempted to walk across the parking lot of Riverbend Church at approximately 3PM. He burst into flames seconds after setting foot on the black asphalt. Conference organizers were quick to express sympathy and to point out that covered walkways and metrosexual-friendly army green “Fidel Castro style” caps were made available to conference goers and none of the victims took advantage of these provisions.
“It’s just literally as hot as hell here,” conference speaker and renowned songwriter Paul Baloche told police. “If you go outside you’re real real dumb.”*
Julie Reid, COO of Worship Leader Magazine, said she and other conference organizers plan to use the comparative temperatures of Austin and hell to their spiritual advantage at the conference’s closing session. “We’ve decided to have a special alter call at the end this year instead of singing something by Chris Tomlin again. Stuff like this gets people’s attention you know? We expect a lot of pastors to get saved.”**