Shaun Groves
What’s the difference between depression and sadness? Here’s what every parent needs to know.
Sadness
Sadness is something a mentally healthy person should feel…when parents are fighting, money is tight, a grandparent dies, a girlfriend breaks up, a bully belittles, a “friend” gossips, failures pile on…
Sane people feel sad. Sometimes very sad.
Christians especially.
Jesus saw the crowds in need and felt compassion. “Com” means together or with. “Passion” means to suffer. Jesus “suffered with” those who suffered. And Jesus lives in me today. So when I see someone left out, read the news of a tragedy in West, hear of the bombing in Boston, learn about slavery or poverty…well, I should grieve with those who grieve. Jesus in me has compassion through me, and mourns the brokenness that spills out of Eden and out across humanity.
Teenagers aren’t little kids anymore. They’re more in tune with what’s happening in their parents’ marriage, in the family’s finances, in the world at-large than they were as children. They may, for the first time, encounter peers who don’t like them and let them know about it. They may feel, for the first time, like outsiders, like they’re not understood. They face deadlines, busyness and stress they haven’t before. Add to all this that disorienting cocktail of topsy-turvy hormones bubbling inside and, well, a healthy teenager should be sad sometimes.
Depression is very different from sadness.
Depression
“Clinical depression” and “major depression” are medical terms used to describe a condition characterized by some or all of the following symptoms:
- Profound sadness (often without reason) lasting at least two weeks
- Fatigue or loss of energy most days – if not every
- Insomnia (inability to sleep)
- Hypersomnia (excessive sleep)
- Anhedonia (inability to feel interest or pleasure in any activity)
- Feeling physically slower. As if you have a two year-old wrapped around each leg.
- Recurring thoughts of death or suicide
- Inability to concentrate, remember details, make decisions, process logical thoughts or respond as quickly as usual.
- Significant weight loss or weight gain (5% or more).
- Aches and pains (similar to the flu’s body aches), cramps, digestive problems that are not eased with treatment.
- Overwhelming feelings of insignificance, guilt, worthlessness, helplessness, anxiety, emptiness.
- Reduced sex drive
- Irritability
- Slow speech
- Crying spells (for no reason)
See A Doctor
Depression is a medical problem. See a doctor first. A doctor can quickly run tests to rule out conditions that can cause symptoms of depression (thyroid dysfunction, low iron levels, etc). A doctor can also prescribe antidepressants, if necessary.
I didn’t take antidepressants because double-blind peer-reviewed studies have shown them to be less effective than 5 HTP (a naturally occurring amino acid that the body turns into seratonin and melatonin for improved mood regulation and better rest). Antidepressants are also outperformed by 30 minutes of daily exercise. And the list of side-effects for antidepressants just freaked me out.
Depression Isn’t Just Physical
So, I took 5-HTP; walked 30 minutes to an hour every day; improved my diet by eliminating most processed food and eating fruits, vegetables, nuts and salmon. This is how my doctor and I treated depression’s physical causes.
But I also got serious about my spiritual health and saw a Christian therapist for my emotional health. (You can read about all of this in more detail here.)
Depression is a sickness. Like diabetes or high blood-pressure. Medical help is crucial. And, for me, therapy and nutrition and spiritual help were also vital to my recovery.
Treating Sadness Like Depression
There’s a reason a person is sad. Sadness may only be eased with time. Therapy or some life-change may be needed as well. But medicine isn’t. And when we attemtp to medicate a child’s sadness away we are robbing them of the opportunity to develop deeper character and important coping skills…
- Identifying what they’re feeling and why
- Communicating what they’re feeling to others
- Asking God and people for help
- Putting problems into proper perspective
- Not retreating from community but relying on it instead
- Being mindful of negative thoughts and redirecting them toward gratitude and problem solving
- Cultivating present-mindedness and gratitude
Understanding the difference between depression and sadness helps us treat both appropriately.
Was this helpful at all to you?
Brad says:
This was helpful. I would definitely say that for anyone who thinks they fit the symptoms of clinical depression at all, to go to your physician right away. At 43 I just this year realized some of the issues I was dealing with we’re more severe than I knew. I’d lived with it for so long that my perspective was skewed and I couldn’t see the truth of my situation. Though I’m a combination of ADD some bi-polar tendencies along with clinical depression (and I didn’t want to admit any of it). I’m told they can all be somewhat related. Anyway, I just encourage folks to get answers and don’t wait. The list you gave above to differentiate though is a good one. Good to learn to cope with life’s regular challenges, also good to realize when it is more than that.
Sarah says:
Yes! This was very helpful to me. Thank you for laying it out so clearly.
Kaylie says:
This is so wonderful! When I was seventeen and a senior in high school I went through a down time. Looking back I can see that I was feeling a lot of pressure and not dealing well with it, however I had very few, if any, symptoms of depression. My doctor put me on a fairly adult dose of Paxil and it messed me up bad both emotionally and physically.
I became numb and distant and dropped weight to a dangerous point. As soon as my mom realized the “help” was making things worse we got to a counselor who helped me work through some of my stress and pressure and I was weaned off of my medicines, but it was a valuable lesson learned for all of us.
I agree that a person that is showing signs of depression should seek medical attention ASAP, however I would caution a discerning spirit and a second opinion, especially when it comes to teenagers.
Kit says:
Thanks so much for sharing about this topic. I really hesitate to put young people on psychological medication because the risks are even higher for that age group– it can make things worse, not better! I myself have tried medication now as an adult and it has not been helpful for me. Looking back, I can see I usually do have reasons to be “sad” and that is the root of the depression instead. Working through the circumstances is what I needed. But without the right help and support, I tried the medication because that’s all everyone tells you to do. I know it has helped a lot of folks, but it is just one part of a bigger picture and sometimes we don’t see that. Anyway, back to kids– my young son isn’t even a teen yet but is starting to struggle and we wonder how to help him…. it occurs to me that he is young and just has not had the perspective to deal with new, bigger emotions yet. What he’s going through is actually probably quite normal, we all have to learn how to work through things and he’s just not had this experience yet. As his parents, I hope we can guide him through this learning phase well.
Kit says:
I guess what I’m trying to say is that I appreciate your perspective here because I wish that when I struggle, people would be more willing to just be a listening ear about the pain, help me identify the source, and work through it, instead of me starting to feel like I’m just annoying everyone and should “hop on some meds” to fix me and leave everyone else alone. I think God wants us to love each other better than that, but we’re not always very good at it I guess.
Brad says:
Amen Kit. We shallow out because we don’t want to give that much of ourselves. We all seem so reluctant to get that involved in others lives…in the church! Empathy, quite often, seems to be lacking.
Kit says:
I read an article online recently called something like, “why do Christians want to make it all better?” about how we rush through and dismiss pain as we just want to get to the “now everything is fine again” part. But that’s not how it works. The illustration they used was that even in God’s story, Jesus wasn’t raised from the dead the next minute! There is a process and even a purpose for those dark times. But we are awkward about that for some reason and just want to rush people through to being A-OK asap.
Brad says:
Yeah. I know I do that, just wanting everything to be “fixed”. I think it’s rooted in the fear that, maybe, things won’t get better. My faith is week and so I want to *see* things better now rather than have to trust that they will be better one day.
Kelli says:
Yep. This was good. Thank you for sharing.
Julie says:
Thank you for this. This information is so helpful as a parent of teens and as a small group leader for high school girls.