Mrs. Roosth was tall and gaunt, uncomfortably quiet, with small eyes and angry hands.
I leaned back too far in my chair and landed with a thump on the classroom floor. She wrapped her bony fingers around my arm, yanked me up to my feet and just about threw me into the nearest corner to stand for the rest of the day. A few hours. I was in the first grade.
My stomach hurt. My muscles spasmed in my back. My chest grew tight. I thought I might die. But I didn’t say a word.
That’s my earliest memory of serious anxiety. But not my last. Or worst.
I missed a Homecoming dance in high school because anxiety so debilitated me that I couldn’t stand and walk.
I was so heavily medicated on my wedding day that I slept through the first night of the honeymoon!
I turned down my first offer of a record deal because I fear traveling. And just the worrying about it doubled me over in pain and sent me to bed for the better part of a day.
But since eventually signing that record deal, I’ve traveled to around 100 cities every year for twelve years. As a musician and speaker I’ve stood on stage and done my thing in front of tens of thousands of people. Sometimes all at once. As a spokesperson for Compassion International, I’ve traveled to ten developing countries with questionable airplanes, eaten grub worms and guinea pig, and lunched with posh dignitaries and mobs of slum children.
No more debilitating anxiety. How’d that happen? And how can we as parents stave off the anxiety of our children?
Read the rest of today’s post over at SimpleMom.net.
shayne says:
And the guage on the Respect-O-Meter just rose another notch.
This is an awesome article. Thanks.
Kris says:
Wow. What a memory 🙁 that breaks my heart just thinking about it. My oldest child struggles deeply with anxiety, we have managed it so far with the help of a child psychologist (for us, not for him-so far) and without medication. But it is not easy and I don’t have answers because my boy is 8 and we are still very much in it daily. I know that he is better when the mood in the home is even, when we validate his anxieties rather then tell him to “get over it” or “”just quit it”. We have to do a lot of talking–good thing I’m a chatty person! 😉 but really we have to talk through every anxiety, discuss how he feels, worst case scenarios, etc. we pray a lot and he reads his bible daily, we flagged every scripture on fear and anxiety so he caring them quickly.
On his worst days, he exhibits OCD behaviors to cope, on his best days he is smooth and even as can be. I know what things I do that triggers it in him and so I have to constantly guard myself against contributing to his anxiety. It’s not easy for any of us, and it is hard to deal with some days when his fears get the better of him. We pray, and we watch God move.
It’s so encouraging to see how you’ve overcome this, Shaun. My boy has such a heart for the Lord and the Holy Spirit speaks to him in such awesome and humbling ways, I can’t wait to see what God will do with this little guy he’s blessed us with–it’s going to be amazing.
Ps: sorry for the novel, you touched a soft spot in my life today and it just came seeping out. Thanks for this honest post.
brad says:
I already posted at SimpleMom, but I’ll second what Shayne said…emphatically.
Kit says:
Good stuff! I was a lot like this as a kid (still am?) and now my own kids sometimes are also, but I was always told it was “shyness” and to just push through it. This makes more sense though, thanks for sharing!
Zoë says:
Funny, I wrote in my blog post this morning about how, when I was a teenager, I would sit in the corner at school, avoiding people. Life had left me crippled by anxiety, etc. For years, I didn’t know which way was up. All I knew to do was cry out to God. By his grace, in 2009 I went through the Celebrate Recovery programme. Without it, I don’t know if I would still be here. You can’t go through trauma after trauma and be unaffected.
My middle child, 9, has separation anxiety. We spend time together. I tell her how special she is. We talk. I am totally honest with her (appropriate to her age, of course). She trusts and confides in me. I am so proud of her! Only by grace. Thank you for this very thoughtful post.
Melody Joy King says:
Thank you for this. My husband and I are expecting our first baby, a girl, in September. I have bipolar disorder which by God’s grace, and a lot of help from those who love me, etc. I have learned how to “manage” it pretty well. Some days are better than others. That being said, I have had a lot of fear during this pregnancy about whether or not I’ll be a good Mom. Even though I’ve been a successful nanny for 5 years, I somehow fear that I will hopelessly and irrevocably screw up my own child. I have to speak truth to myself over and over again, and trust and believe that God will give me the grace and strength I need to be a good mom. My older brother who has a son and is an excellent father said the most freeing thing to me…He said “Mel, we’re all human and we all mess our kids up to a certain degree because of that fact. You might as well make peace with that now. Pray your face off and trust God and the instincts He’s given to you and you’ll be fine.”
This post really resonated with me, so thank you again!
Jenn says:
Melody, I will be praying for you. My sis-in-law had her first baby nine months ago. She has suffered with bipolar disorder since she was a teenager, and for years she didn’t think she would ever be able to be a mom. It took a good number of years and finding a great therapist (and lots of prayer!) for her to wean off enough meds to be able to try, but she did it. And while I would never say that having a baby will fix all your issues (it won’t!), a little person does have a way of making us take our eyes and our thoughts off of ourselves.
And if I could give some practical advice, don’t be afraid to ask for help after your daughter is born. You know yourself better than anyone, so if you feel yourself becoming overwhelmed just tell someone. I had terrible baby blues after my first was born, and I didn’t want to tell anyone… I thought I should just be able to suck it up and be happy I had a baby.
And your brother is so right!
katie says:
Thanks for the really personal post–it’s something I struggle with too…what about Jesus? How does He enter into the process of self-parenting and parenting in stressful and fearful situations? I’m trying to figure it out.
Liz Reeves says:
I married a man who struggles with anxiety & depression.
My oldest child inherited it from him and has been on Zoloft for severe anxiety since she was in the 2nd grade (she’ll be a junior in HS this year).
My youngest is also very anxious, but we’ve been able to hold off on meds with her because she seems to be able to work through most of her anxious thoughts.
It’s been an amazing eye opener for me. I had no idea how debilitating anxiety can be until I met my husband and had my kids. Thank God for medicine that helps!!!
I sometimes think that having a child with a physical disability would be easier—people can look at the child and SEE what is wrong. A child with an emotional/mental battle is unseen and people don’t understand how difficult it can be to parent them, for them to accomplish simple things that most kids wouldn’t be phased by.
Hang in there!
Jenn says:
Shaun, I can’t even tell you how much this post means to me. I have been a long-time anxiety sufferer. My panic attacks started when I was a child, shortly after my father died suddenly. The stopped around middle school, but then came back with a vengeance after I got married (and I was in the same boat on my wedding day – I bummed some “nerve pills” off my Grandma. Classy).
I saw a counselor for a while, and that helped so much. We figured out ways for me to stop the record and take every thought captive. I was able to go back to work and eventually to even get on a plane to Africa five years ago.
I always knew that my issue was a “thorn in my flesh,” and that God had not chosen to cure me of it. And so I found myself suffering again over a year ago, and I still am. I was using anti-depressants for a while, but I personally did not like the side effects. There has been lots of praying and leaning on God, and that is certainly helping, but it is still a daily battle to take every thought captive and not let Satan have a victory in this area of my life.
I have seen some evidence of anxiety in my daughter’s life (she’s had three open-heart surgeries, so it’s not surprising), and I am thankful that God allowed me to have the experience I did so that I could relate to her more and be more aware of her feelings. I love all of your tips- I will be saving those for the days to come!
Thank you.
ellen read says:
And now you know that I have an anxiety disorder (as do 2 my 8). 🙂 My anxiety has caused me to read blogs as though they were all aimed at me and to stop watching TV because I don’t want to send them money or to not listen to radio programs because the budget won’t stretch to support them all. My husband helps me deal with my anxiety and he does a marvelous job. Thanks for the post!
Melody Joy King says:
Thank you Jenn. I so appreciate your prayers! :0)