“How was the reunion?” I’ve been asked a dozen times.
My short answer? Great! And weird.
All high school reunions are bound to be weird, I suppose – seeing childhood friends previously frozen in memory with a full head of hair and acne now thinning on top and thickening in the middle. Weird.
But my twentieth reunion was weirder than most maybe. People who never talked to me in high school knew who I was. They were exceedingly friendly, complimentary, recalling the day they first heard my music. “I didn’t even know you could sing,” one said. “I didn’t either,” I said.
Weird.
One guy stuck out his hand and asked if I remembered him. “I’m sure you don’t remember me at all.”
Of course I did. He was one of many guys I wanted to trade lives with in high school. “Gosh,” he said, “I’m so nervous. I don’t know what to say. It’s like talking to a movie star.”
I came to the reunion to be with friends but over and over again felt like I was with fans.
Weird.
And maybe wrong.
James warned Christians living in Jerusalem against favoritism – against dividing the body of Christ into privileged and not, worthy of special treatment and ordinary. He scorned them for giving seats of honor to the wealthy and putting the destitute on the floor.
My brothers and sisters, believers in our glorious Lord Jesus Christ must not show favoritism. Suppose a man comes into your meeting wearing a gold ring and fine clothes, and a poor man in filthy old clothes also comes in. If you show special attention to the man wearing fine clothes and say, “Here’s a good seat for you,” but say to the poor man, “You stand there” or “Sit on the floor by my feet,” have you not discriminated among yourselves and become judges with evil thoughts? -James 2:1-4
Generally speaking, we don’t divide the American Church into haves and have-nots any more. The days of buying a good seat in church are long gone. In a mostly middle-class nation the line between rich and poor is too fuzzy to cut along these days.
Fame is the new dividing line and many an American’s top aspiration.
In a recent study published in Cyberpsychology, researchers analyzed the primary values communicated by television shows aimed at children over the decades. In the 60’s, for example, the primary values instilled in young people by television were community and benevolence – kindness toward and connection with others. In the 70’s it was community and self-image. In the 80’s community and self-acceptance were primary values on television.
In the 90’s producers went back to emphasizing community and benevolence once again, but in the last decade we’ve turned a corner: Television shows aimed at pre-adolescent children now emphasize fame and achievment more than any other values.
Community and benevolence rank at the bottom of the list.
In another study, it was discovered that the number one aspiration of tweens in America and the UK today is to be famous. Not kind, smart, happy, trustworthy… Fame is now the highest aspiration.
Why?
We think that with fame comes importance, value, privilege, admiration and wealth. And we forget that it comes with lots of awkward conversation at high school reunions.
If James were writing today would he warn us against dividing the Body of Christ into famous and not? Would he caution us against treating a guy who was on the radio a decade ago or the author or mega church pastor differently than we treat the nurse, police man, mom or plumber?
I had a great time at my reunion. Lots of laughs with old friends who somehow look younger than I do.
But two things would have made the reunion even better for me: If I was treated no differently than anyone else in the room…and if I hadn’t seen a bunch of middle-aged moms “dancing” to Baby Got Back.
Next time.
Lara says:
That last paragraph…classic.
Lauren L. says:
I died!
Thanks for this, Shaun. I hadn’t been able to place my finger on this as a value being so heavily promoted toward such young kids, but now I see it! I hope I’ll be more sensitive to how this is affecting the hearts of my kids and students now.
Katie Axelson says:
I’ve been star-struck more times that I’d care to admit but I’ve come to learn that “famous people” (however you want to define the word) are just like me. They put their pants on one leg at a time, they appreciate complements, and they’re turned off by gushing. Yup, I still plan what I’m going to say in a meet and greet line but it’s the same as planning what I’d say before I made a phone call.
I love that Giglio quote!
Katie
Shaun Groves says:
I’ve been starstruck myself, Katie. The first time I met Michael W. Smith I was a bumbling idiot. I bet there’s some star out there that each of us would be struck by.
And, yea, that Giglio is pretty brilliant.
Kelli says:
I was nodding along the whole time totally into it, then you got me with the image of middle age moms dancing. You clearly weren’t at the Joe Jonas concert at last years Blissdom. Try watching middle age moms scream and grasp at one of the Jonas Brothers on stage. Yikes.
And I’ve met you in person now and can attest to the fact that you are as weird as the rest of us…
Shaun Groves says:
Thank you?
; )
Tara Livesay says:
I hear you on this. Baby Got Back is awful.
Seriously though … I do hear you. 🙂 My favorite people to hang out with in Haiti are people that have not read the blog and have not decided that we’re important. I am so uncomfortable with that and with people that come here thinking that. I hide from them sometimes because it weirds me out too much.
I got to meet someone that seems “Christian famous” to me in 2010 – { not Robbie – he is just a regular Bear. }
I remember realizing that what I was doing in my head before I met her is exactly what I hate other people to do to me. I had to force myself not to act like a fool. Famous among dozens or truly famous … it’s all false and kinda icky. People are people and those of us that love Jesus need to make Him famous – not ourselves. (Now to convince society of that.)
Shaun Groves says:
I’m pretty in awe of what you and Troy do in Haiti. You’re the kind of people I’d like to become on my way to begin like Jesus you know? And so you’re the kind of “stars” that leave me struck these days. I need to work on that.
Sorry for putting you on a pedestal, Tara. Thankful for you.
Jessica says:
I promise not to act like your special and famous. (Ahem, anymore) But I’ll still be glad you have a great big voice in the world for saying great big things.
I moved more than 3000 miles, walked into a church, and shook hands with a guy that said, “Hey, I commented on your blog.”
It was more awkward for both of us than anything, I think. I didn’t say great big things.
Shaun Groves says:
You say great big things all the time, Jessica.
The funny thing is, thee days, more people recognize me as the blogger than the singer. So, you and I are the same kind of famous now. ; )
brad says:
We are starting to get recognized (locally) more. The easy cure for this is just letting people get to know me. I am so emotionally dysfunctional and suffer so from foot-in-mouth disease that their view of me comes back down to earth pretty quickly. However, I have to admit that I like being recognized and admired (understanding it will be short-lived) and love using that silly thing called “celebrity” to point to much more important issues and People. However, if people in *my fellowship* began treating me as a celebrity, that would be a problem and then it would be time to look at the verses you mentioned above. This post also made me remember why I don’t attend reunions.
Tracee Carcasson says:
Crackin’ me up. Especially since I was basically at the same reunion, only a year earlier. “Middle aged moms”- ouch! Makes me so glad I chose not to dance last year. Too busy chatting and posing for pics. It is funny how I felt 17 again- until I got home, downloaded those pics and noticed the difference.
From knowing you then, in all your high school glory, to knowing you now (at least through your blogs and music) you are the same guy through and through. Only much wiser, bolder, articulate, transparent, serving, approachable and humble.
Maybe that guy was a little intimidated by your hair. Rock star hair does that to people.
BTW- I am trying to find a way to get to Colorado Springs to hear you speak and sing for Compassion on Friday. If I make it there, I’ll be on the front row holding a lighter in the air and screaming- just kidding.
Shaun Groves says:
And you, on the other hand, Tracee, couldn’t get much more wise, articulate, serving etc after high school, You’ve always been that way it seems. And that character of yours had something to do with me wanting to be more. Thanks for making me better, friend.
Kit says:
So I see you are going to be in my hometown on Saturday? Why is everything fun always scheduled on the same day?! I live in the ever-teased Wyoming now and we will miss HeavenFest this year in favor of Cheyenne Frontier Days. Because Wyoming doesn’t have very many things to do, so when there is one, we can’t miss it 😉
A confession though, you’re “famous” to me more for this blog than for your music. I always learn something here. I don’t know too many people that can put things together so well. But I guess it’s all the same– I do find myself tempted to be awed at the fame of some bloggers/authors. I try to resist though! I got to go to Compassion in Colo Springs last weekend for an event, and a lady was mentioning a trip to India and make a specific point to use the name “Shaun” instead of saying “our guide” when sharing with me, I almost asked her if she meant you so we could share some awe together, but I thought better of it. But now I’m telling you instead so I guess that’s not that much better after all 😉
Shaun Groves says:
Hmmm, I wonder who that was at Compassion?
You know, one of the things I love about my friends at Compassion is that, to them, I’m “Shaun.” Not “Shaun Groves.” Not a one of them is star struck…by me ; )
Thankful for that.
Jenny says:
Hi Shaun – I’m a new follower of your blog. I found it through the Simple Mom blog. I’m a year younger than you and also from Texas. My 20 year reunion is next year, although I most likely won’t be attending as I now live in Alaska. Anyway, just wanted to say I’m enjoying your blog and I loved the Baby Got Back line. Probably because I’d be one of those fools on the dance floor….
Shaun Groves says:
What part of Texas are you from?
Jenny says:
Pearland, south of Houston. It was a small town while I was growing up, but now it’s pretty much just another suburb of Houston.
Zoë says:
This post reminds me of my then-five-year-old daughter’s ‘Inspiration Day’ at school. The children had to come dressed as someone they find inspiring. Most of the boys were dressed as footballers, and most of the girls as pop stars. A friend dressed her daughter as Madonna (not the mother of Jesus kind).
My daughter dressed as a doctor. She wanted to be like Auntie Alice, a paediatrician. And that is just one of the reasons why we don’t have live-stream television or magazines.
And when my son, who has ASD, had to choose a ‘hero’ at school, he chose me. I was dead chuffed 😉
Zoë says:
P.S. Most people in the UK wouldn’t know you from Adam, so if you were to come over here, you’d be just as ordinary as everyone else. I didn’t actually realise you were that famous anyway (in the nicest possible way) I just like the blog! 🙂
Shaun Groves says:
What on earth is “dead chuffed?” Sounds like a great band name ; )
Shaun Groves says:
And, by the way, most people in America have no idea who I am either. But some of the folks I went to school with kept tabs on me I guess. Nice of them. But, again, weird on my end. ; )
brad says:
A punk band from the UK maybe?
Zoë says:
It is slang for ‘very pleased’ lol.
Kris says:
That must have been wierd.
I read something recently that said that something like 70% of school age kids’ main aspiration is to become famous– what a sad goal.
Having met you, (at Relevant) you seem straight up normal to me–and humble. You shine for Christ–or He shines through you–or both…. 😉
Shaun Groves says:
Thanks, Kris.
Donna says:
I have to be honest and say that you really got me thinking this morning. ‘what was my motive by NOT introducing myself to Shaun at Relevant last year”. I wanted to say hi, hear more about Compassion but I didn’t want to come across as a ‘star-struck’ fan… gosh… I was so wrong….
Looking back, I think that by NOT just walking up, sticking out my hand, (with business card 😉 ) and saying hi I did the exact thing I meant to avoid. I treated you differently. Sorry! Because of that, I didn’t take the opportunity to really meet you, chat, share my heart for missions… A missed opportunity. I think I know better now.
And I promise there will be no ‘baby got back’ dancing over here… nobody needs that 🙂
Shaun Groves says:
See now, I think you robbed me of you. I didn’t get to meet you! NEXT TIME we’re hanging out.
All’s forgiven.
Donna says:
It’s a plan! 🙂
Melanie says:
Yet another reason to kick Miley Cyrus out of our house…talk about teaching kids to aspire to fame! (Bad attitudes galore, anyway.)
Jenn says:
This is such a great post! I was at a conference this past weekend with some “big” name Christian authors/bloggers/speakers. There were two in particular that I wanted to say hi to, but I felt like I didn’t have anything cool to say, and I didn’t want them to think I was a weird stalker fan. Oh, how we elevate people! And these are precious women of God who would never in a million years want to be elevated.
But I also saw some of the ugly side of things with self-promotion and me-ness. I saw clearly how easy it can be for me to lose sight of God’s calling in and plan for my life in pursuit of more people knowing who I am. Under the guise of telling more people about Him, of course!
Anyway, this was a timely post for me, who struggles mightily with pride and a desire for affirmation from people.
And as a side note (because I haven’t used up enough characters!) Michael O’Brien was the music leader for the weekend. My friend (also a Compassion sponsor) and I kept saying how much he reminded us of you. And then we would say how much we wished you were there (no offense to Mr. O’Brien). There was a Compassion table and a night spent promoting and praying for Compassion, so it would have been a great fit.
Shaun Groves says:
Wish I could have been there!
Funny story about Michael. I had this haircut first. And I used to have a gotee thingy too. Michael copied me (joking) and showed up at Gospel Music Week in Nashville looking like a taller buffer me.
I showed up that year with longer hair than usual and clean shaven.
Michael and I were walking through the halls of the convention center together when a “fan” stopped Michael and told him how much she loved Welcome Home (my song). She kept calling him Shaun and eventually asked if she could get a picture with him.
Michael says, “Sure! My buddy here can take that picture for you.” And he handed me her camera.
I took the picture of Michael pretending to be me with his new fan and we never told her truth.
brad says:
Epic.
Jenn says:
That is hysterical.
I actually had no idea who “Michael O’Brien” was, but when he sang I knew his voice. It was driving me nuts, actually, trying to figure out where I had heard him before. *Finally* someone mentioned Newsong.
The first time I ever raised my hands in worship was at a Newsong concert. They were singing “Arise My Love,” so you know it wasn’t emotionally-driven at all. My mom was standing behind me, and I think she may have fallen in the floor when I did that. True story.
shayne says:
I’m middle-aged. I’m a mom. And I personally like to “get down” and “get jiggy with it.”
What’s the problem here?
OH! I am SO sorry. I just drooled sarcasm all over your comments section. Let me get a Kleenex and wipe that up for ya.
Shaun Groves says:
Disturbing.
Cheri says:
This response will probably sound cliche or standard left on a blog post but I am leaving it anyway because I have to say/write it. This is why I respect you and thank God for people like you which are sometimes rare to meet. You inspire me. These aren’t simply words to you but this is the way you have shown us through this blog how you attempt to walk the path that God has for you. This is why I wanted to thank you in person in Green Bay in June. I didn’t want to be that fan but a person thanking you for the impact you have had on me and others through your music and blog. I’m not sure if it came across that way but I am thanking you again for the reminders and God’s Spirit you share with us. Your heart for those trying to rise above poverty moves people. When I listen to your music I can see God smiling as he sees the talents he has shared with you being used and shared with the world. You are a treasure for the person you are, the people’s lives you touch and your humble spirit. I know some other people that are less known by the world who also share the talents that God has given them and their lights are equally as bright as yours. Praying that God opens more hearts to see what enough and equality look like. I don’t comment often but always check in to read. It is time I leave a thank you!
sam says:
Loved this post but love the art at the end best of all. It would be a perfect reminder for my theatre-loving daughter. Is it original or did you find it out on the web somewhere?
Shaun Groves says:
I made it. More fun to look at than a plain ol’ quote.
Deanna Sims says:
Oh Shaun, I wondered when I realized that you guys had come home for the reunion if that would be your experience. Thanks for pointing out the “fame” obsession with today’s culture – so true! I remember Louie Giglio’s attempt years ago to make students at a at Bergfeld Park rally believe that Michael Jordan was his surprise guest on the back row. When the amazed students fervently searched the crowd and realized it was just a hoax, Louie asked us all if we would have been as “star struck” if it had been Jesus, who indeed, was in our presence.
The Lord has given you “old friends” like me to love you without being star-struck – although I knew you were a way cool middle schooler, even if the others at the reunion didn’t recognize it at the time.
Christine says:
Your star power has made 1000’s of Compassion kids famous. Well worth the weird factor. And why I would probably be a bit starstruck as well.
brad says:
Well said.
Kathy Schwanke says:
I’m a decade ahead and headed into Weirdville on Saturday night. For us (upper) middle-aged women…perhaps the song for us will be “Girls Just Wanna Have Fun”.
Seriously though, I appreciate your blog and your willingness to be genuine and not be elevated on a pedestal & unreachable. I appreciate your humility and your desire to shine the light on Jesus, which is clear in your writing. (LOVE my All Is Grace line-up on iTunes too!)
In (many) years past my mom would warn us about “secular humanism” and its influence on the mind. The Humanists actually have a ‘manifesto’ in which they have goals for our country. Reading your notes on what kids aspire to today brought those goals to mind. {Basically the dethroning of God and the exaltation of man.}
In my ministry to women (and in my own heart where God schools me to be working with women) the stronghold of people-worship or what the Bible calls ‘fear of man’ (whether it is ‘fear of’ the successful people or the self) is difficult to root out. (think: anorexia, anxiety, etc) But PRAISE GOD that the weapons we fight with (God’s Word~in case someone reads this and doesn’t know what I am talking about~) have divine power to demolish strongholds!
I love the quote by Louis Giglio too!
Amy says:
I don’t get “star struck”… Typically. 2 years ago, we went to Fish Fest in Vancouver, WA. The music was good, but since I don’t put musicians on a pedestal, it was just an evening to enjoy good music. When you took the stage though, I felt a little excitement. Not because you’re a star, but because you are so real, open and honest here. You weren’t singing, you were speaking for Compassion. I just felt like you were more real than others 🙂 if that makes me wrong, I’ll cry… Or not. Lol.
I’m sorry it was a weird experience though.
Kevin says:
Thanks for the great reminders as always of what’s important Shaun. I have really been convicted by John 3:30: “He must increase, but I must decrease.” Desiring fame is a sad commentary on misplaced priorities, and thanks for sharing how that made you feel uncomfortable for people to treat you differently. Your transparency and heart for Jesus attracts me to Him. Thank you for that. God bless, Kevin