Shaun Groves
In my nineteen years at home with mom and dad I never saw them argue. If my parents fought at all it must have happened behind closed doors.
So when Becky and I had our first fight, while we were still dating, I said and did whatever would make it stop. I said I was wrong but I didn’t believe that was true. I thought if we fought she wouldn’t love me. I thought peace was a lack of conflict, not the hard won result of real resolution.
Over the years, Becky taught me how to make genuine peace. She assured me that mistakes will be made, disagreements will happen. That friction is inevitable but not fatal. That love outlasts. That she would never abandon or punish me. And, in the safety of her affirmations, in the ring of our shared commitment, she’s fought with me for the last nineteen years.
Andrea | Elimination Communication says:
It is rare to see words like fighting and arguing redefined so beautifully. The mental image when someone hears the word fighting is always a combative act, but this realigned my perspective that fighting can just as easily mean calmly asking and standing up for what is right or simply asking what is wrong and actively making peace. Thank you for the insight that arguing in front of children is a responsibility, and it is not necessarily a bad thing, because there is something to be modeled by us and a precious lesson to be learned by our children.
MJ says:
I wish this was mandatory reading for couples about to marry.
My father ‘offered’ this tidbit years ago: to marry somebody that I was able to fight with….it didn’t make much sense, until I was actually married and understood, disagreements are part of relationships and knowing how to work through them and continue to strengthen the relationship is really important to surviving.
GoCards44 says:
This rings very true for my wife and I (only in reverse). My family is blunt to a fault, and neither my wife nor I have seen her parents as much as disagree with subsequent statements. So, the early years of our marriage took some life learning. I had to learn to think before speaking (gasp!), and she had to learn that I would still love her even if I didn’t agree with her or feel the same. I’m with you on this – I want our children to benefit from our “working through” things rather than being sheltered from it. It gives SO MANY teaching opportunities, and maybe helps us to fall more in line with Ephesians 4:29.
One thing – did I really have to go to a “mom blog” to read this?
Zoë says:
Thanks for having the guts to share this. You and your wife are doing an amazing job. Having a new addition to the family must take its toll. It’s inevitable. And being tired is bound to cause friction. The kids get to see that despite the fact you’re both superheroes, actually you’re both human too. It’s a good lesson to learn 😉