Shaun Groves
Sitting in Starbucks with my road manager Ben waiting to board a plane, Bob Dylan came through the speakers. I love his songs…when someone else is singing them. But, oh, his voice! Tin can in a blender to my ears. But I have lots of cool musician friends who swear they actually like Mr. Dylan’s slurred nasal out-of-tune and out-of-time performances.
I’m not buying it, I told Ben.
After he gave me a hard time about my disdain for the skills of such a legendary artist – as if I’m some expert on singing, you know? – I took my case to the people of Twitter. I made my confession…
My name is Shaun and I don’t get Bob Dylan.
Dozens of people sided with me and I felt a rush of stranger affirmation…and made sure to read each reply to Ben, of course, because I’m humble like that. Some of the responses were hilarious. Even the ones from big Dylan fans. Good times. Highly entertaining…at least for me.
And then…
@shaungroves which is probably why you don’t get me, either.
The message came from someone with a very quick wit. She’s hilarious actually and so one of about 200 followers I really follow. Certain she was joking, I replied…
My theory is that Bob Dylan is like Sushi – the cool kids pretend to like both more than they really do. #hater
…and waited for her witty reply. And it came…
Um. Ok. I actually *love* sushi and Bob Dylan’s music. But thanks for being dismissive of me. Again.
Ha! Nicely played! She stumped me so I replied…
You’re welcome.
OK, not all that clever, sure. Not all that funny either. But, points for brevity?
I’m sorta reeling, here. I’m not “pretending” to like anyone or anything. I am just…me. Your replies have hurt me.
I boarded the plane with a smile on my face. Not the most productive use of fifteen minutes but a little levity hit the spot after a long weekend on the road.
Five days later I get a series of direct messages on Twitter from this witty follower of mine. Turns out, she wasn’t being witty at all. She was serious. Our little exchange over Bob Dylan and sushi brought her to tears and lodged in her heart festering for five whole days, finally moving her to express her deep disappointment with me privately (which is so much better than launching a hate blog don’t you think?).
And this made me think of a Spanish monk of course. His name was de Vitoria. He had an epiphany about war long ago. Both sides in a war, he decided, can perceive themselves to be just. The Spanish conquistadors, for example, thought they were being attacked by the inhabitants of the new world and were justified in fighting back. Those inhabitants thought they were being invaded by the Spaniards and so they believed they were justified in fighting back. Both sides, from their limited points of view, felt violated and justified in making war.
In every conflict there are at least two perspectives – not just mine. Seeing the other person’s – empathy – is the first step toward peace.
So we got on the phone together and traded perspectives and peace broke out.
Who do you need to call?
Dave says:
Electronic media can be so unforgiving. Without being able to hear the tone of someone’s voice, or see the expression on their face, it can be so easy to misinterpret their meaning. Especially for those of us who tend to be “snarky” with our responses.
Thankfully, “peace broke out” for both of you in this situation. It’s not always so.
jess says:
My 9-year old daughter, the oldest of the clan. I do a little better with the pen then the old mouth, and we live at the same phone #, so I wrote her a note of apology. Delivery scheduled for this week.
Marian says:
Oh man. Things like this are so much easier “know” than to apply. Yes I have a brief list…
Question, the recommended posts popped up some on peace…can you point me in a direction where you tackle the Matthew 10.34 verse and how it applies to an individual and the world all everything in between? I’ve been reading and studying…I found this verse afterwards and trying to contextualize it.
Just curious if you can point me in the right direction on this here blog. 🙂
Zoe says:
May I give you my response, Marian? I know you didn’t ask a general question, but I do believe I can share with you what that verse means to me (other people’s opinion very welcome too).
In the passage, Jesus is sending out the twelve disciples. He gives them lots of warnings, not just in verse 34. He warns them to be innocent but cautious, for example, in verse 16. He knows he is sending innocent ‘sheep among wolves’ and they need to know how tough it will be, but that when the going gets tough, they can know that ‘whoever loses his life for my sake will find it’ (verse 39), which isn’t just about dying, but about giving our whole lives to God.
It’s a tough choice, but one with assurances. Jesus loves his disciples, so he’s preparing them by telling them that doing this job is not easy, and that it will cause divisions, sometimes even to the point of turning families against one another because they don’t accept that their family member has become a follower of Jesus. On the other hand, he tells them that they need never fear, because they belong to God.
Specifically, verse 34 makes it clear that being his follower will cause strife. It is not the easy life being a follower of Jesus! But he is warning the disciples in advance, so that when it happens, they will be equipped to deal with it, will not be afraid and will stay firm in their faith and in their knowledge of his love for them.
When Jesus died, there was an earthquake and the curtain in the temple was torn in two. His great love for us is so powerful, so radical, so challenging to our lives of sin and self, that while we are on earth it will cause division, but we are equipped to deal with it (see Ephesians 6:10-18 for the weapons we are given).
Phew . . . ok I’ll leave it there. I just wanted you to know, Marian, that it is a verse spoken with love, if that is what you were wondering. God bless x
Marian says:
Zoey! I am so thankful you would take time to answer with such thoughtfulness and insight. Your passion seeps through my screen and is infectious. 🙂
I love the contextualizing and am headed to go look up those warnings in context with this verse.
I can’t email you, so I hope you find my response back. Grateful, Marian
Jenna B. says:
1. Was listening to ‘Forever Young’ last night and thinking what a great song it is. But I agree about his voice.
2. I have this friend. And the only ‘fight’ we’ve ever had started over email. There’s something to be said for tone and body language and just good ol’ eye contact.
3. I love that she contacted you privately. That’s a friendship worth investing in.
dubdynomite says:
I agree on Dylan. He’s written wonderful songs that are made infinitely better by someone else singing them. (e.g. “If Not For You”, from Derek Webb and Sandra McCracken’s Ampersand EP).
And I so glad you and she were able to get things worked out. It’s a rarity in online conflicts that people actually contact one another directly and try to come to an agreement, even if it is an agreement to disagree. Something like this results in an ‘open letter’ call-out or something equally ridiculous that ends up in a blog war. Those can get very ugly.
keith says:
Ghostbusters?
Happy Geek says:
Am so glad peace broke out. Was praying it would.
whimzie says:
I have a quick, dry wit. In the past few years, I’ve realized sometimes people don’t take things the way I meant them. I’m really working hard on that.
Someone once told me that no matter how flat a pancake it always has two sides. That’s another thing I’m working on remembering because sometimes one side’s a lot easier to see than the other one.
sara varghese says:
well, then I probably shouldn’t say this (it might not be a surprise, actually). I can sing any song like Bob Dylan….it’s a family party favorite.
Zoe says:
That’s why I stopped using facebook. It is so easy to be misunderstood. A friend of mine fell out with me over something I said on facebook and has never spoken to me since (I wasn’t being nasty but he took it that I was). And I was bullied on facebook, twice, rather viciously. So many people seem to think it’s ok to say things that you know they’d never say if it was face to face . . . and if it was face to face, there would be the tone of voice and the body language to accompany it. I’m very wary of all things facebooky now :-/
Glad you managed to patch it up, though. Good friends are worth hanging onto 🙂
Jason says:
(which is so much better than launching a hate blog don’t you think?)
Amen to this. My wife has been hounded by a hate blog/MB for a while now. As her husband this has made me want to “war” with them, but reading posts like this make me think I need to try peace way more than I do.