Shaun Groves
And now I have a word for you who brashly announce, “Today—at the latest, tomorrow—we’re off to such and such a city for the year. We’re going to start a business and make a lot of money.” You don’t know the first thing about tomorrow. -James 14:13 (The Message)
There’s a pattern to my living: Stress. Simplify. Accumulate. Repeat.
Thankfully the stress portion gets shorter and shorter and the simplify bit lasts longer and longer. It’s been a couple years now since I sat down with my wife and trimmed the commitments from my calendar. We started again this week.
I’m certainly not complaining but I’m overcommitted. For me. Probably not for you. Which is why it took me so long to admit it.
I feel like a wimp cutting obligations from my life when so many I know – so many of you – are such overachieving high functioning busy no-complaining tough types. Maybe I am wimpier than you. But I have awesome hair and you probably don’t so there’s that…
So I’ve talked this week with those I have commitments to: work, church, family, friends.
Talked and talked. And whittled and whittled. Working toward eliminating, in time, the things I’m good at. And keeping the things I’m great at. And figuring out which is which…which I’m terrible at.
This is hard not only because it means admitting to people that I’m wimpier than they are. But also because it means admitting I’ve not been doing a great job, that they would be better served by someone else. Turns out I’m not as irreplaceable as my ego sometimes tells me too.
It’s not fun. But it’s necessary purging. Adding an incredible kid to our family has taken up time I didn’t have set aside in this season of releasing a new record and planning the next blogging trip for Compassion. I want to have more time more easily. And not only for him now, but in the future. In time the time he requires will dwindle but I want to be ready for the next emergency, the next unforseen wonderfully demanding blessing. Without a bit of life-tweaking I won’t be.
My pastor and friend Andy says this is biblical. That the bible doesn’t tell us to plan as much as it does to prepare. I don’t know what is planned for tomorrow – I certainly didn’t think I’d be adopting a four year-old now! – but I want to be prepared for tomorrow by at the very least creating space in which it can happen.
To live simply so that I am ready to live fully.
I’m not living fully right now. I’m tired, half-doing numerous jobs I’m not gifted for, behind on e-mails, little time for friends, serving others is sometimes less joy than job. So…
Simplify.
Pray for me as I do. And how about you? What needs to go?
JessicaB says:
I just cleaned out a whole room of my house and listed a bunch of my crap for sale. Does that count?
The over-abundantly unemployed do what the over-abundantly unemployed gotta do.
Kelli says:
Whew. I struggle with this so much. I am constantly feeling like I can’t keep up. If only I didn’t need to sleep, I could accomplish so much more!
But alas, I turn into zombie mommy without rest and so I’ve had to learn to turn the light off and quit trying to keep up with everyone else. The good thing is we’ve just moved so with no friends that leaves no obligations! Silver lining right? To compensate I am preparing to homeschool the kids fornthe first time and I couldn’t be more excited…and nervous!
The challenge for me right now is to not try and too quickly fill up the calendar. I will pray for you as you try to trim it. 🙂
kit says:
I like how you said you’re over-committed…for YOU. Even if someone else can handle being busier and makes your schedule look like you’re a wimp, that doesn’t matter. That idea really fits how I feel sometimes, and I needed to hear this. Thanks! I’m a wimp too!
Jennifer Pelletier says:
SO many things need to go from my life. I’m at the same point. I am at the same point, finding that I’m self.o overwhelmed I’m losing track of not just my kids but myself. I am refocusing my time and energies lately as well as my financial decisions. God doesn’t call us to be perfect OR have full plates. He does call us to be good stewards of all that He has blessed us with- not just money but time as well. How can we expect to be ready for the next new blessing when we’re buried under existing obligations? I needed this reinforcement today. I’ve been struggling with feeling wimpy in my changes and spending too much time comparing to so-and-so and their filled-to-the-brim calendars. Thanks once again for following our Leader and speaking His Truth!
GoCards44 says:
As parents of four – all at the fun age of a million potential activities – my wife and I have decided that it’s the kids activities that have to be simplified. After a year of stressful, hurried trips from one practice/game/rehearsal/etc to another, we have enjoyed a casual summer at home with the kids. I am so looking forward to a more relaxed Fall for the family to spend time … well as a family.
Jill Foley says:
I’ve been in this season for quite a while…. one thing that helped me to whittle was to step back and determine which things only I could do and the things God has called me to at this time.
For example…only I can mother my daughters…and God has called me to homeschool them. A big part of homeschool is “home” and so I intentionally stay at home the majority of the week.
The other thing I’ve been asking is “What does this commitment really look like?”
For example, if I choose to add a weekly Bible study to my calendar, what will that mean for my family – for dinner, for bedtime, etc.
These have been helpful, but I still have a long way to go.
NancyTyler says:
Shaun, I’ve long figured that for every one thing I did, you were probably doing about five or six and I have wished so much that I could be more like you.
Praying for you and for everybody here as we’re all in the seemingly endless process of paring and adding and rethinking and paring again.
Forgive me if I’ve mentioned it around here already (I’m talking about it everywhere) but a book that’s been helping me over the last couple months as I’ve been thinking through the stuff and relationships in my life is Henry Cloud’s “Necessary Endings.” Cloud is one of the co-authors of the famous “Boundaries” book.
“Necessary Endings” is geared more to business owners and managers, but it’s full of very wise and affirming guidance on ending and reprioritizing personal commitments, relationships and job situations that just aren’t working out or are ill-timed.
I can have real trouble and massive guilt when it comes to stepping away from things that aren’t working. But Cloud’s counsel in this book has been really empowering. It helped me face reality about some of my commitments and relationships, and gave me the tools to know how to make changes about how and in what and whom and to what degree I should invest my time and energy. And there’s a huge focus in the book on ending commitments well–kindly maintaining others’ dignity and on working through your own feelings as you let go of what you can’t afford to keep hanging onto anymore.
It’s really been helping me get down to the business of life-pruning.
Christine says:
Praying for you, Shaun. Love your bravery here.
We’re underemployed…..there’s nothing left to simplify, and I don’t envy those running around to events and restaurants. God’s taken us a very long way these last few years. He’s awesome!
Praying for your little one, too.
Michelle ~ Blogging from the Boonies says:
The “Step 2” photo at the top made me snort. Literally.
I love your honesty here. After a crazy month that involved going to the Compassion headquarters and Kingdom Bound festival, I am wondering why I still seem so frazzled with my daunting To Do list now that those big things have passed.
I do need to simplify but I don’t know what to give up. Household, homeschooling, church commitments are all necessary. Writing for Compassion’s US and UK blogs seem like a pretty strong calling, and I don’t want to walk away from those assignments. How do you make the final decision on what to whittle away?
And, speaking of honesty… Where is that next CI Blogger trip headed? If you can’t say outright, what about a clue?
De says:
“… be prepared for tomorrow by… creating the space in which it can happen.”
I love this phrase! It changes the imagery of the entire Stress/Simplify transition from something negative to something positive. The personal process is still a HUGE challenge, but it sure helps to look at the big picture with the targeted outcome of Step Two… the liberating space… as the focal point.
Now, if I could just figure out how to skip the “Step Three. Repeat” part of the cycle!
jennibell says:
This was an excellent post with excellent comments. Loved Jennifer’s “How can we expect to be ready for the next new blessing when we’re buried under existing obligations?” and will have to check out that “Necessary Endings” book that Nancy suggested. A couple weeks ago I put our family’s top three priorities on the chalkboard in our kitchen and told the kids that if we are asked to do something, that it cannot interfere with our Family Priorities. . .church/service, family/school, soccer/fitness. Right away my 12-yr-old was asked to go out of town for a week. We looked at the list. That trip would have interfered with all three so it was an “easy” no. Last week I made a time/budget schedule for our family so we could all see where the time and money God gives us goes. It is a tight schedule. Probably too tight, but with a family of six there really aren’t too many “free” hours. The nice thing about seeing the schedule/budget in black-and-white is that it’s easy to weigh “yet another” commitment against our already-full schedule. Easier to say “no”, or “not in this season” because we already have said “yes” to something else. I love your statement about saying “no” to things you are good at in order to say “yes” to things you are great at. How can God use us if we haven’t set aside time for Him to fill?? Wow, I guess I did take away a lot from this 🙂
Blessings to you and your new adventure. And prayers for strength in saying “no” because that statement is a whole lot harder than “yes”. I hope blogging made your list of things you’re “great” at — ha!
Katie Axelson says:
I’m doing the opposite… the season of post-college unemployment makes for a lot of free time on the calendar… I’m trying to fill it with obligations that I will enjoy (and will keep me sane) but that I can leave if (no, when) I get a job that requires a sudden move across the country. And it’s just as hard.
Katie
Jenna B. says:
I’ve had to do this. Simplify. And it’s hard. But good. Praying for you.
Amy says:
Thank you for this reminder. I needed this today. To know that it’s okay to be a “wimp” and have to draw those boundaries for myself of what I am able to do. In a world of over-achievers, it’s often hard to take this step of active simplicity. But so important. And so rewarding. To be intentional about taking time to rest in God’s goodness…is not something that comes naturally in my American do-something-now mindset!
Jason Rust says:
Good words.
We had a church leadership meeting that talked about how we can create “margin” in our lives.
Start by making a list of To-Don’ts
cshell says:
I got pretty good hair too, just sayin.
RaD says:
Oooohhh boy! Uh I gotta think about this one…
Karen says:
decided to implement this immediately and yesterday spent 3 hours curled up in my comfy chair finishing a good book! 🙂
Virginia says:
Thank you so much for sharing this post. An awesome message! I am also in that place of culling things that I am not doing well, & trying to put that energy & focus into the things that I am called to right now (motherhood, family, simple living). It is not easy to do & you do feel like you are a ‘wimp’…..or not as capable as others……but it’s not about that – it’s about stewarding the things that YOU have been given. Thanks again for the refreshing honesty & transparency of this post!!
Beth Werner Lee says:
Praying.
For me, need to schedule more whitespace in my schedule, time not scheduled.
Also praying through my commitments and needs for the school year.
One more week of summer and then gearing up for the school year.
Shaun Groves says:
Sorry for not commenting more on all this. Blog time is cut short at the moment. (Irony.)
But THANK YOU for all these comments. Praying for each of who’ve asked for it. Thank you for your prayers too.
Living the Balanced Life says:
I think the struggle to balance it all is an ongoing challenge, one that we all fight.
I love what you had to say about planning vs preparing!
Bernice
10 tips for creating a less hectic week
Jeff Honnold says:
Wow – talk about something I needed to hear right now. The idea of admitting that I’m not doing a great job at some of the things in my life is something I am really struggling with right now as I don’t want to feel like I’m letting down anyone yet by not doing something great I realize I am letting them down.
Between work, home, church and a few other things I feel like I’m juggling 7 different things and there are a few balls laying on the ground that I’ve already dropped and don’t even realize it.
Thanks for sharing this and giving us something to think about – praying for you during this season of your life.