He speaks sentences of five or six words. He can put on his own shoes, get his own glass of water, throw away his trash after dinner, and use the toilet (most of the time) all on his own. He can count to thirty, name animals in pictures, recite his ABCs. He’s four.
He wakes up two or three times some nights. Sometimes he’d rather be held than walk. Sometimes he’d rather be in a lap than in a chair. If I leave the house to run a quick errand he cries so he’s almost always with me. He’s an infant…or two…or…
Our case worker prepared us well for international adoption. The classes we were required to take have been incredibly helpful, reassuring – we’re not the only ones who’ve ever parented a puzzle. He is a puzzle. Emotion, cognition, body, attachment – every piece of this child is at a different stage of development.
But he’s a puzzle we love. There are difficult moments, sure – days even – when so much attention and patience and understanding and teaching is required of us that we crawl into bed shortly after he does! But there is progress too. Much progress in such a short time.
Tears are progress: No longer does he hold them in, possibly fearful that we would leave him if he was anything but perfect. “Good boy,” he would say when he got hurt or worried. “It’s okay,” he told us, holding back tears in exchange for permanence and acceptance perhaps. But now he cries. Not often, but when appropriate. A skinned knee while riding a bike. A sister who refused to share. I never thought I’d be happy to see a child cry.
Generosity is progress: “Mine” is rarely spoken now. He realizes these toys, this food, mom and dad – it is all his and will be his all day, and the next when he wakes up too. The need for control is waning a little perhaps. “Here ya go,” he says and gives a cookie to his sister. He lets her sit in my lap without demanding she move and give Dad back to him. What a remarkable shift in just a few weeks.
Homesickness is progress: “My house in the sky,” he said while I held his waist and he stretched from bar to bar to bar across the playground in the backyard. In heaven? I thought. As he talked I realized that, no, he misses his country, that place he left on an airplane, across the sky to his new life in America. He misses friends and school. He was well loved by so many back there. And I feel loved when he trusts me enough to share this sadness in broken sentences and furrowed brows the best he can.
Proof that parts of S are so much older than four. He has experienced more at his age than the four year-olds I’ve raised before. One more piece of the complex unique sometimes-exhausting but so beautiful puzzle that is this little boy who calls me Dad.
Good night, son. I love you. Sleep well. Tomorrow we’ll play again.
Laure says:
so good.
Angela Mackey says:
Beautifully written. In some small way all children are puzzles. This touched me.
Lindsay says:
๐
HeatherEV says:
You made me cry! Like you do when you write sometimes. Adoption is something I cannot wait to be able to experience, in all its’ heartache and joy. I am jealous and excited all at once for all those who already have adopted or are in the process because I want to be there so badly. One day, I know I’ll have the resources and family to make it possible, but for now I get to watch others and pray for them and for the many around the world who will never get the opportunity to be adopted.
Prairie Rose says:
I have a 4 yr old foster child and can relate to so much even though she’s from this country. Puzzle is a great word for it. I feel like if only I could look into her past and find the SOURCE of some of her issues, I could solve them, but so much is just one big puzzle… and yet the progress in all areas is miraculous. It’s amazing how God transforms lives.
Kris says:
What a blessing. It’s awesome to hear that progress is happening. God is ever faithful! ๐
Michelle says:
Reading what you have been writing about your time with S so far, I am grateful God has placed him in your lives. I also pray that He will continue to guide you as you learn to unravel the puzzle that S is.
Zoรซ says:
That’s just what I thought, how glad I am this little boy has been given to such lovely parents for safekeeping.
I’ve mentioned before about my son having Autism, and the Autism community speaks of the ‘Autism puzzle’. My boy has a tee-shirt that says ‘Jesus makes all the pieces fit’. It’s true ๐
Karen says:
We DO continue to pray for your family! Today we will add an extra word of thanks as well!
Christine says:
Thank you for this update. I so love these S posts.
This one is like a love note to S.! I love how it chronicles the depth of your parental love, as much as it does his own love and adjustment. A picture too, of how God redeems brokenness for his glory.
Praying still.
Kelly Willie says:
Simply beautiful! So happy for you and little ‘S’! Praise the Lord for this wonderful blessing!
Lesley says:
Thank you. We will be traveling soon to pick up our 4 year old son from China. I appreciate you sharing your experience…it is comforting.
JessicaB says:
Tears. Tears!
Melody Joy King says:
:*) Congrats on the newest member of your family! Thanks for sharing some of this journey with us.
Rhonda says:
I’ve been too busy to sit at a computer to comment here, although I’ve been able to read from my phone during my breaks at work. I had a little time tonight and wanted to say THANK YOU for Third World Symphony. I don’t care what radio guys or critics say, I LOVE it!!! It ministers to my soul. And so has your blog. Our family is in the early stages of the adoption process, and our cousins have been in it so long, their home study is about to expire as they wait for their kids from Ethiopia. And as I pray for us, them, you and others, God continually reminds me that it’s all a part of His design. So I worship – and Third World Symphony helps me in that arena.
Shaun Groves says:
Thank you so much for that, Rhonda. Are you all adopting from Ethiopia as well?
Kelli says:
I love this. It appears that your son, and the rest of your family, are equally blessed to have one another.
CEM says:
The 5th paragraph simultaneously breaks my heart and makes me hopeful.
Craig Hurst says:
My wife & I are in the final phases of being approved for adoption. It is always nice to hear testimonies that are real as they reflect on both the good and bad times of adoption. May God bless!