Shaun Groves
I’m not sleeping well these days. Unable to practice what I sing.
That God is present now.
That I am blessed, loved – that this moment, this day and all that comprises it is a gift.
That my God is doing His will on earth – in and through me – as it is in heaven.
I stare awake at the ceiling worried. Comparing. Doubting.
Worried that I’ve spent thousands of dollars making a record that isn’t perfect.
Comparing not-yet-fully-formed songs to all those I’ve recorded before, to what I hear on the radio, to the best of my iPod.
Doubting this drum sound, that guitar passage, the timbre of my voice there, and on and on and on.
Restless perfectionism.
I stand in the shower this morning praying it out of me, off of me, imagining the anxiety and fear dissolving, sliding down and slipping through the drain. And I pray God, in these last two days before going to mix, will make these songs what they must be to accomplish what He must accomplish.
I don’t know what that is. So I start to guess. I start to dream. What they could be. What God could do. And I feel all of a sudden that I’m running ahead. I step out of the shower, look myself in the mirror and use my dad voice. “Stop it. It’s only music. No one’s going to die today.”
It’s only music.
It’s only music.
So I’m sitting on the couch behind Mitch The Producer again today. Andrew Osenga is in the next room crooning harmonies. Lights on the console are dancing red and green. Incense is wafting sandalwood from the bathroom across the hall. A pink lava lamp is bubbling. Music is spilling from the speakers. And no one is dying.
No one is going to die today.
kiriseth says:
I have a bad habit of worrying about things. I am participating in a Bible study at church called “Calm My Anxious Heart”, it’s all about setting aside our own worry and anxiety and letting God do His work. This study really convicted me, because it showed me that I want to always be in control. But my idea of what is in control and good for anything is not necessarily HIS idea of what is good. I just have to remind myself that I don’t have all the information, so I need to just get out of the way and let God do His “thing”.
My responsibility is to pray on a situation, trust Him to do what is best, and then take care of myself so that I can do the other works God has in mind for me. That means making myself get adequate sleep/rest/nutrition – even if that means I have to tell someone else “No.” I am no good to God or my son if I’m a strung out, sleep deprived mess. This is a hard lesson, one I struggle with daily – no, HOURLY! I’m not telling you what to do, merely commisserating with you.
Jennifer Pelletier says:
Sounds like a study I need to try. Glad you posted this!
Michelle ~ Blogging from the Boonies says:
Self doubt clings to so many of us, Shaun. I posted about it a few days ago and every person that commented had expressed they, too, battle these feelings.
When I was asked a few days ago to write for Compassion’s blog, I did a Happy Dance and then the voice if self-doubt came to drown out the celebration. It weighed heavy on me for a while and I thought about declining the offer.
Then, I turned to the Bible, and read from Philippians. Paul’s words brought comfort in knowing that God started this work in me and He will be faithful to complete it. Self-doubt loses a bit if its power when you take the “self” right out of it.
Shaun, we have a mighty God. If you are the obedient and malleable clay that He needs you to be, He will create a mighty work through you.
I, for one, can’t wait to hear it!
Michelle ~ Blogging from the Boonies says:
(Bah, sorry for the unintended exaggeration. *Most* of the comments echoed the feelings of self-doubt. Between those and the emails I received, it is clear that many, many people battle with these feelings.)
Jason says:
I know this is going to sound weird…but after your heartfelt post the thing that sticks in my head is I miss my lava lamp. 😉
Can’t wait to hear the tunes, man.
Alicia says:
Hi Shaun – I loved the new songs that you shared in Scottsbluff, NE the other day. God is moving through your music, just as He moved through David when he played for King Saul. You are doing His work! Do not doubt that He will be glorified through it. Can’t wait to hear the new CD.
Dawn says:
Thank you for sharing your process of making this album. I’ve been praying for you, and will continue to do so. Love the image of allowing all the worry and fear and anxiety slip off and slide down the drain. 🙂
Mela Kamin says:
You can rest knowing you were obedient when He asked you to go, you’re faithful to tell His Truth & honor His Words & commands … many won’t die because of Him & messengers like you. “Next to the Word of God, music deserves the highest praise.” ~ Martin Luther
emily freeman says:
Oh how I relate to this. I’ve had those same conversations about my non-yet-but-almost fully formed book, comparing it to finished books. I worry that it will not be what others expect, what I expect. I am challenged to live the truth I say I believe. I need to pull out my mom voice.
Adam says:
I feel your pain. I continually talk myself out of “getting out of the boat” like Peter. I have begun, recently, going with the same thought process as you took on here… “No one is going to die” is great. For me, it is basically, I am not going to screw up so big that God can’t fix it.” The decisions I make and the path that I am following is trying to please God…I am not purposely running from Him. If He is leading me to do something, it may not be perfect…but He has done a lot in the past with imperfect people, imperfect effort, and the imperfect carrying out of tasks.
Thank you for the beautiful post.
Katie says:
A perfectionist myself, I hear “No one’s going to die today” on a regular basis except in comes in the terms, “Sometimes you just have to hit print.” God doesn’t only use perfect stuff. He uses imperfect stuff and imperfect people. I really, really, really appreciate that.
Katie
Kris says:
Doubt. Fear. Two demons I fight daily. God has called you to it, and he will make it what it is meant to be. You are a blessing to the body and your obedience is a gift to the rest of us. And an encouragement, I might add, that we too, can stop doubting, stop being afraid, and step out in faith. Keep up the good work. Trust Him. 😉
nancytyler says:
You’re good enough
You’re smart enough
and doggone it,
people will like your music.
…with love from one ruminator to another. 😉
Brad says:
I’m in the same place. That fear keeps me out of the rehearsal room. That fear keeps me out of the studio. That fear keeps me from booking concerts. Even though I know God’s led me here. Even though he’s given me something to say. There are just so many talented people out there, why would anyone care to listen to me? Right? Thing is, we just can’t know what God might do with our little offering. In truth, I’m also scared of succeeding while knowing I don’t have the talent to warrant that success. Yeah. It’s a pride thing for me. Thanks for sharing Shaun. I’ve often prayed those same prayers in the shower. I thought I was alone.
Kelli says:
Similar self doubts have kept me from writing a book I know I’m supposed to write for almost a decade now. A DECADE! Ugh…
Istarted the book…again. and this time it feels good and right and…good. but in between moments of feeling really good, it feels really scary. Thanks for this reminder. No one is going to die today. And who am I to question the passions that God Himself placed in my heart? Who am I to say the gifts and talents He gave me aren’t good enough? Who are you to claim those things? God has clearly given you passion and He’s blended it with skill. I, for one, can’t wait to hear the result.
Good luck today.
PJ says:
Don’t let the circumstances steal your JOY & PEACE.
One of the greatest mistakes we make as children of God when there are problems (circumstances, concerns) in our life is to focus on the problem instead of the God behind the problem. As long as we concentrate on all that is wrong in our lives, we are unable to concentrate on the glory of God and upon His purpose for us in life. Our true source of happiness must rise above the circumstances and situations of life and it must come to rest in no other place but God Himself. ~Charles Spurgeon
Read that this morning and NEEDED it myself!
Keith says:
Man I have struggled with the exact same thing. I have asked the same questions. I have prayed the same prayers. With recording, worship service programming, worship leading, speaking, etc.
These are the things that I ended up realizing through my struggles, and maybe these thoughts will encourage you. So I disagree that these thoughts are all bad. In fact, is it possible that some may be God given?
It comes down to intent of the heart. If you are seeking excellence, and in some cases perfection, because you want to sound the best or outdo Joe Schmo singer guy or make more money, etc., then it’s not ok or healthy to spend extreme amounts of time thinking/worrying/etc. If you are seeking excellence, and in come cases perfection, because you believe God wants to use this record to create more opportunities to grow His kingdom, whether through Compassion or iTunes or your church, then it’s ok to strive/work/think/sometimes worry about how it is coming off and the details of it. In my view, you are being faithful with the amazing platform and opportunity God has given you to make music for His glory in many different ways. So in that case, it’s not only music.
(Just thinking out loud) What if the amount of time you spend striving for excellence leads more person sponsor a child and that child knows Christ because God used your music to use one person to change a life. No one may die today, but they may tomorrow?
So maybe think/pray/stay up at night praying that your heart’s intent is righteous. Be faithful what you have been given, and ultimately God is one doing the work through the music and providing the opportunities to share it.
@pistachioverde says:
It’s in those times that we grow the most and get closer to God.
Looking forward to hear you sing tomorrow at St. Matthew’s.
Caroline
Ron says:
So forgive me for going all pastor on you and everything but this just has to be said.
Is this your record or God’s record? Have you given it to Him? Have you given your voice, your spiritual gifts, your money, your band … all of that and more to Him?
No need to answer because I already know. Of course you have.
So what right do you have to worry? I hate to point out that worrying after you submit something entirely to God is … well … something close to … no, I’m not going to say it. It would be an insult and I respect you too much for that. Let’s just say it’s presumptuous.
I’m not saying this as a rookie. I’ve been around the block a time or two when it comes to this. Ask my doctor. He’s the one who told me 6 years ago to resign my church or prepare to die from stress. I’m not proud of that AT ALL. Trust me on this, Shaun. Go to bed. Close your eyes. Your Father is smiling at His kid. And He’s going to use you even if you think you’ve screwed up. That’s the kind of Dad we have.
Rick Orrell says:
Well said! I KNOW I needed to hear that even if no one else did….. :-)) Thanks!
Cathy says:
“Your Father is smiling at His kid.” Pure awesomeness. Thanks for going all pastor on him because of all the blogs I’ve read this morning, this comment is the thing that has spoken to me the most.
And Shaun, Ron is right. God is smiling down at you. He is using you in ways you will never know or understand because you are letting Him. I so appreciate your authenticity, your heart.
Joseph says:
I’m taking a break from making the final art project of my undergrad….It’s not perfect. But no one is going to die over it, so it’ll be fine.
shayne says:
Well…wow. I’m not wrestling with anything as monumental as making music that will heal and change lives all over the world.
But I am dealing with an 18-year-old daughter freshly graduated from high school who has recently informed me that she is pregnant.
The girl that I counselled and begged and pleaded not to make my mistakes…the one that I prayed over and the one that God used over and over to speak words of knowledge that she couldn’t have possibly known on her own…has fallen down and made a big mistake.
She’s not perfect. I gave her to God many times and took her right back. She’s my baby. Having a baby.
Dear God help us.
I tell this to the online community because I feel safer than telling my church. They’ll know eventually, but I pray they don’t eat us alive. We need them too much right now.
Pray for us. And I will of course, continue to pray for you Shaun. Make this record…let it resound with the bloody and messy sacrifice of God’s relentless and unabashed love for us. Because right now, I need to hear it.
Donna says:
Wow……your message touched me. And i’m praying that God gives you lots of friends (be it In the church or otherwise), who will use their hands to hold and bless you and not push you and your beautiful daughter away in judgement!
Sarah says:
I like being reminded that you are a real human being who deals with fears and insecurity just like the rest of us. And I also happen to think that the devil uses our fears and insecurities most often when we are on the brink of greatness and I believe, my friend, that you are on the brink of greatness with this record. Not perfection – because that can never be obtained. But greatness. Trust in what the Lord has led you to. He only asked that you obey. And you did. Let Him handle the rest!!