Today Mitch and I begin work in the studio – Starting with rewriting the songs. This is the most painful part of the process for me. It begins with painfully honest critique and ends with changing songs I’ve lived with and grown to love just the way they are.
Critique
I sent a batch of songs over to a trusted A&R guy I’ve known for years. There’s no one better at dissecting songs and putting the right ones together on an album. He e-mailed me his detailed thoughts. Here are a few examples:
- “whores” on the second line! Got my attention.
- Melody is good in the pre chorus but lyrically needs rhyme and phrasing work.
- Good chorus. Melody is contagious and compelling. Congregational.
- “come and lift our lame” is a bit awkward. It’s hard with worship songs (if that’s what this is… never know anymore) to write that lyric that is familiar sounding, but also tweaks an idea just slightly so it’s not the same phrases they’re always singing. It feels to me that this line is a little too far outside of that slight sort of tweak.
- If you’re committed to using “whores”, for congregational purposes, I think I’d swap the last verse with the first one.
- The last three lines of the bridge seem superfluous.
- Last but not least, the theology of this may be confusing me a little. I’m assuming that we are singing this together somewhere, inviting God to meet us in that moment, but then we are saying if He does, then we’ll weep no more, we’ll limp no more, which obviously isn’t true. I appreciate that I could be taking it all too literally, but, that’s what people tend to do! If the idea is more of an eternal perspective, then the lyric seems a little cloudy in communicating that.
- “crickets sing secret” is a clumsy alliteration to me, especially to be right up in the front of the song.
- Nice chorus. Inside rhymes all over the place! Good crafting. That chord you’re hitting on “soul” at the end of the first line, isn’t quite speaking. You’re sort of playing a 1# diminished, but I think it’s just a 6 maj over a 1# (or whatever… that chord is just not quite fully formed yet, but I hear where it’s going and its cool).
- Love “moment” and “hold it”, and “dear now” and “here now”. Great crafting.
- Call me commercial boy, but I’d change the last line to repeat the hook again. So after “here now”, you’d sing “awake my soul” again, and land the melody on the tonic.
- When I look at assembling songs for a recording, I sort of have two filters. Either the song needs to be a potential hit, or a potential emotional moment. (or both is nice!, but rare). The writing of this song is good and I’d be tempted by that, but I think in the end, its not a hit, or enough of an emotional moment for the basic listener.
- Really like this. Love the hymn-like quality and structure. Love that the lyric is simple yet still challenging and thought-provoking. Hard to do.
- My biggest hitch with this is the “All’s grace” section. I don’t think I see the connection to the rest. On one level, “all’s grace” would connect with just about anything so it’s not like it’s completely disjointed, but I don’t see a strong connection between the two ideas. Important I suppose because musically, the “all’s grace” section is the high point of the song.
- So I think there are two different songs here. I’d push to re-write the chorus of this one and connect it harder to the rest of the lyric. If you didn’t however, I could sure live with it since it’s good as it is.
- I’m having some trouble connecting the dots. It may only be a POV issue.
- 1st vs. – you’re talking to someone who’s said a hurtful thing to someone (a female). And her heart, is “Where every crime comes fromWhere every stumble starts”. I don’t think I get that.
- 2nd verse – you’re telling this guy who has said these hurtful things to this girl to do it to you next, and that that act would be a secret sin. His secret sin? Yours? Hers?
- Love the chorus, but I think the last line (the hook) is weak, and it may be just the phrasing of it is sort of clumsy. Feels like you need a real strong payoff there, and it’s not delivering.
- Don’t know how it ties in to the first two verses, but I LOVE the third verse. Great. And it connects and supports the chorus idea so powerfully.
Rewriting
Before rewriting I’ve had to critique the critique. Line by line, I’ve gone through it and deleted the parts that simply don’t apply. Come By Here, for instance, wasn’t conceived as a congregational worship song and since I’m not selling this album in Christian bookstores I’m not concerned about it containing the word “whore.” The audience and the rules for independent music are a bit different than those of label-based Christian music.
Very little was deleted, however, and that leaves me a great deal to rewrite. And I can’t do it alone. I’ve lived with these songs for so long that I can’t imagine them differently – my perspective is set in stone. And that’s where Mitch comes in. As the producer part of his job is to imagine what I can’t – to suggest a bridge here, rewriting a line there, a change of chord. All in hopes of turning first drafts into the clearest and most beautiful final recordings.
So that’s where we are in the record making process. I’m locked in a room for the next six hours rewriting songs I like just fine. And tomorrow I’ll do it again. And, hopefully, I’ll emerge with songs other people like too.
JessicaB says:
Ouch! Under all my sarcastic exterior, I’m a bit thin-skinned. This process would def hurt me.
Pastor John says:
God bless you, Shaun – I have been through this process numerable times and it is never easy…..having a heart that serves is what allows you to go through it and not take it personally, although it is personal….and the focus of the song being the “best it can be” and not the “best you can do” is what separates the humble greats from the ego driven wannabees. Press on, soldier!
shayne says:
I don’t envy you right now Shaun. I will be praying for you and for the project.
Amy says:
While I am easily hurt, I also appreciate a friend who can be honest.
Tracee Carcasson says:
So interesting. Thanks for being so transparent and giving us a look into the process. Praying for God’s voice to be heard through the words- whatever they end up being.
JavaJoy says:
very interesting – thanks for sharing. My 16 year old son is a writer and I have been preaching this message to him for the past year. As a visual artist, I don’t mind the process at all but I am a compulsive tweaker.
Angie says:
Ok, wow.
First, impressed at your open heart and willingness to let us see the process play out right in front of us.
Secondly, not sure I could take it.
Artsy and thick skinned. Doesn’t seem to go together on the outside, but I guess it must have to if you want to put a record out.
Praying for you!
Melody Joy King says:
Blessings and grace to you in this painful re-writing process. I got to hear you sing some of these new songs on the Shelter Me Tour and enjoyed them immensely. I will pray that God will guide you to the exact phrasing and lyrical changes that will accomplish all that God has in store for this record. That being said, I believe God has big things to accomplish and many hearts He wants to touch through this project. Blessings to you and yours brother! ~ Melody Joy
Melody Joy King says:
PS~ Thanks for always being real and honest, it is encouraging. :0)
Laura says:
I’m glad you’re leaving the whore in there. It’s a great line, in my opinion.
Sounds like a really difficult process.
Paul says:
Thanks for the vision into this process. I was at a session that you were at for a Worship Leader Conference, and you talked about having to rewrite, but I didnt realize it could be this painful. Please continue (If you can) taking us through the process, it can make all of us better
cshell says:
“The writing of this song is good and I’d be tempted by that, but I think in the end, its not a hit, or enough of an emotional moment for the basic listener. ”
From the short time I’ve been reading here, I don’t think this much matters to you, correct?
I think an outside critique is healthy, especially on the theology side.
I like that the songs are straight from your heart, honest, and raw. My opinion is not to make them “shiny and new” but what do I know.
I would never make it through this process right here, press on Shaun, your songs need to be heard.
Katie says:
As a writer, I completely understand the vulnerability and fear of giving your baby away to someone else to (no matter how gently) rip to shreads. Unfortunately, it’s part of the process… “the baby” and “the mother” come out stronger on the either side, even if your favorite line has to disappear.
Katie
Marina says:
You can do it!
And may God be glorified!
Kelli says:
As a book editor, I will say that I LOVE working with clients who are as humble and open as you are. I have had clients get very offended when I try to dissect characters and plot lines that they felt were just fine. What they don’t understand is that I’m good at my job because I can see the picture just a little bit broader. I’m not emotionally attached to the story like they are so I’m able to see it in a broader light and, hopefully if I’m doing my job well, the story will be stronger and better because of it.
Your willingness to take the criticism and apply it where needed is a remarkable trait and one that I believe transforms a good writer into a great! one Good luck with the rewrites and recording!
Jenna B. says:
Thank you for being so open and authentic. What a great thing it is for us to see this part of the process. Will be praying for you.
Jaems Eric Myers says:
Getting feedback on your songs is never easy. Especially since it’s so subjective. You are blessed to have someone to provide you such concise and honest feedback. Blessings on your new project.
~Eric
Mililani, HI
Amanda says:
That sounds brutal.
Ann Voskamp says:
He always asks us to live it:
All’s grace.
{And Come By Here changed my world.}
Karen says:
A hard process ….but God never wastes the hard stuff!
Matt says:
Loving the song “No better”, the words and melody are great! Looking forward to the final touch on this album!
Kim says:
Thank you for sharing the songwriting process with us. Will be praying for you as you re-write the verses and choruses – can’t wait to hear the outcome.
Rhonda says:
Praying for you this week.
I know that regardless of what get’s tweaked and what get’s completely rewritten, it’s God’s work that will be the final project and for that, I’m excited.
Jonny says:
Hey Shaun i write songs as well and i was just wondering is there any way possible you could get this guy to critique one of my songs? It’s not about getting me heard i would just love the feedback. Let me know if you can help.
Shaun Groves says:
Afraid not, Jonny. But I’d be happy to. Just e-mail me: [email protected]
More than a little busy right now but June is more relaxed. I could give a listen then for sure. Would that help?
Jason Johnston says:
Thanks for being so transparent with the process. This is really helpful. Looking forward to the album.