Doctors have poked, scoped, and tested me for years. Over and over again they’ve thrown their hands up and pronounced me healthy, leaving me a little disappointed that there’s no cure. But there’s a cure for that disappointment.
Being thin always bothered me a little bit but I didn’t begin to hate myself until I realized how bothered everyone else was by it – way back in 2000. My label deftly used Photoshop to add pounds to my face in publicity pictures promoting my first record because the marketing guy said Christian music buyers care as much about the looks of a singer as they do their sound. And, he said, I was simply too skinny to be successful.
My experiences on the road over the last ten years have only confirmed his claim that Christians are every bit as shallow (and mean) as the general population. I can’t count how many Christians – always women – have sought me out after concerts or speaking engagements to say something like “You need to eat more” or “You sure are skinny.” As if 1)I’m completely unaware of this fact and 2)saying this to me is any less hurtful and inappropriate than me saying to them “You need to stop eating so much” or “You sure are fat.” While there is an unwritten social contract prohibiting making fun of or even discussing the weight of a fat person, the same protection is not given to the skinny population.
Our society – Christian and not – says the worst thing a woman can be is fat and the worst thing a man can be is thin.
So every year tens of thousands of Americans resolve to lose weight. And for the last several years I’ve resolved to gain it. Opposite resolutions perhaps made for the same reason: Because we hate ourselves and how we’re treated by others.
I know appearance isn’t as important as health. I know my wife loves me. I know God made and approved my design and calls it good.
I know this but…
But I suppose I really believe heavier is healthier. No man my size is scoring touchdowns or posing on the cover of Men’s Health.
But I suppose I really believe my wife will love me more if my clothes fit better because no man my size is a heart throb.
But I suppose I really don’t believe God’s approval is enough if I can’t have yours too.
This year I refuse to make the same old resolution. Because doing so is choosing to believe what I know is not true.
I resolve instead to eat a nutritionally balanced diet and exercise regularly. To take care of the body God has given me without neglecting to care for my mind, spirit and for others. And, by God’s grace, to love myself as God does and to respond graciously when others don’t.
JessicaB says:
This is a little funny to me, because just this week, I resolved to cut soda and sweets for awhile. And my husband specifically asked me to buy cherry coke and vanilla icecream so his perpetually skinny butt could float away on a cloud of high metabolism.
He’s definitely the fit ying to my fat yang.
And I <3 him. Did I mention that?
As I'm sure that new jeans wearing wife of yours <3's you. ๐
Michelle ~ Blogging from the Boonies says:
Ah, Jessica… Another similarity. My hubs is built just like Shawn. While I gained a good (“good”?) 5+ pounds since November, Jay can eat a half gallon of ice cream in one night and never waver from his -2% body fat.
At any rate, even with a thin body structure, Shawn, you don’t look unhealthy at ALL to me. Not at all. I will also pray for you to have a graceful reply to those whose comments go right to your heart.
JessicaB says:
We’re not even going to talk about how many “good” lbs I’ve gained in the last year and a half. Not. Talking. About it.
Michelle ~ Blogging from the Boonies says:
You’re such a good sport for not calling my on mis-spelling Shaun’s name….TWICE! lol
Mari says:
Thank you for this. I have been very thin all my life and know how insensitive ppl can be. I laughed about what you said about getting a “healthy” report from doctors b/c I’ve secretly hoped it was my thyroid so that medication would “fix” me. I’ve also wished for a Jenny Craig or similar for us skinny folk! There’s just no help out there! But wherever we are on the scale, nothing is healthier than acceptance of who we were created to be by God.(In 2011, I’ve vowed to wear shorts for the first time since childhood!) Have a blessed and healthy 2011!
Megan @ Faith Like Mustard says:
He’s alive! Shaun Groves is alive! ๐ Welcome back to blog world. We missed ya.
Princess Leia says:
It’s rather ironic that in this world of “skinny jean-“wearing famous people, you’ve been told you’re too thin!
Of course, you’re in for it now. Whenever one of us readers sees you in person, you’re going to hear (jokingly) about how thin you are and how you need to eat more.
Which brings up the verse in James that talks about healing beginning when you confess to a brother/sister. Forgiveness comes from God alone, but healing begins with accountability. You hear it enough times as a joke and it’ll stop being hurtful.
(And btw, now that you’re a SimpleMom contributor, I think your “Mommy Blogger” credentials are complete. Congrats! ;p)
Katie says:
Oh, don’t do it. Pick something else silly to comment on and leave the weight subject alone.
Katie
misty says:
I do not think that if I hear how ‘fat’ I am enough times as a joke it will ever, ever stop being hurtful. Hurtful words are always hurtful….joking or not. It hurts.
Princess Leia says:
I apologize to any and all who were offended by my comment. Offense was certainly not intended. I should have thought it through more thoroughly before posting and I hope you will all forgive me.
Robyn (3GirlsMom) says:
I can so relate to this – except I fall in the “woman who is too fat” category. Either way, it’s frustrating. But you nailed it when you said, “I resolve instead to eat a nutritionally balanced diet and exercise regularly. To take care of the body God has given me without neglecting to care for my mind, spirit and for others. And, by Godโs grace, to love myself as God does and to respond graciously when others donโt.” That’s RIGHT ON. And I will vow to do the same. Odd that we are going for opposite goals (you – gain, me – lose) by doing the same thing, huh? But what an awesome God we serve – who can make similar results from opposite actions! Praying for you. Just promise to keep the mohawk. K? ๐
Katie says:
AMEN! AMEN! AMEN!!
I’m a skinny girl and with that comes the aggrivation of people constantly saying “Wow, you’re so skinny” (Like it’s ok to say the opposite to someone who’s fat), the impossible task of buying jeans, and jokes that “Katie disappears if she turns side ways” (then let me vanish from this conversation).
I’ve always wanted to gain just enough weight so the Wii doesn’t mock me for being underweight… but I couldn’t gain a pound if I tried. I might be the only one in the world who was looking forward to the Freshman Fifteen. But now, a senior in college, I weigh the exact same thing as I did when I graduated high school. To the pound!
I want to eat healthier and get into shape because “Skinny” is not synonomous with “healthy” but the minute I get a salad in the cafeteria I feel 4,000 eyes on me. “Is that all she’s eating?”
I’m so glad to read that I am not alone!
Katie
Heidi says:
Thanks for the reminder. I have found myself unintentionally being that person who makes comments about skinny people, and I honestly didn’t know (or didn’t let myself think) that my words could be as hurtful as someone making fun of me for being overweight. I always thought skinny=happy. Guess I was wrong. Again. ๐
Also, I love that you’re a mom blogger. Too funny. And awesome.
Liz says:
Can I just say “Ditto” to Heidi’s comment, because seriously….it’s pretty much word for word what I was going to say! ๐
CardsFan says:
Sounds like you’ve worked your way to a Ps. 139:14 perspective!!
If the camera adds twenty pounds, should you go to the simulcast approach??
Melissa @ Breath of Life says:
From a woman on the other side of this spectrum, thanks for posting this!
Amy D. says:
I love this. Love it, love it, love it. For the record, when I saw you in person, it never crossed my mind “he’s so skinny”. I was too enamored with “It’S SHAUN GROVES!”.
I have noticed lately, in my church, that people seem to be worshiping weight loss, fitness and running more than Jesus himself. I just can not get swept away by it. I am 5’5 and weigh 165 lbs. The charts say I am overweight. My WII fit says I am teetering on obesity. (we are currently not on speaking terms) I s’pose maybe I am, but I look in the mirror and I DON’T SEE IT. Sometimes I wonder if I should be more concerned with what I weigh than what I am.
Once again, I love this post and sorry I went on a commenting rampage. ๐
NancyTyler says:
I don’t hear a lot of women complaining about thin men when they’re looking to date, but they sure do have issues with men who are short.
I’m glad my 5’3″ mom married my 5’3″ dad. And I’m glad I’m the same height they were. I also have a belligerent mop of red hair, square teeth that defy bleaching, skin that’s a half shade from albino and over the years have eaten my sorrows to the point of weighing more than I should.
I look like the ghost of a middle aged Orphan Annie after she’s had a couple too many Krispy Kremes.
And that’s ok. The weight thing I’ll get around to dealing with for health reasons (once I fall out of love with chocolate. And Doritos.) The rest of it is the package I came with. I know my Creator to be highly purposeful in His creating so I’m at peace with not blending in with the crowd. The crowd is usually wrong anyway… ๐
Shaun Groves says:
Can I just say, without pegging the cheese meter, that having known you for many years now, Nancy, you are very beautiful to me – short or not.
Of course, as the son of a redhead, I am a bit biased ; )
NancyTyler says:
I sure appreciate you, tall friend. And I will again issue the offer that I present to you every time you feel “too thin:” a fat transplant. I’m telling you, it will be painless. We’ll just lipo some it out of me and right into you. It’ll be a win-win-win situation (including the bank account of the doctor who will be doing the delicate procedure.)
I’d rather you stay healthy and stay genuinely “you” though–just the way you are.
Kim says:
But I suppose I really donโt believe Godโs approval is enough if I canโt have yours too.
Wow. Just wow. Such profoundness in that one line.
I’m going to have to think on this for a while.
kiriseth says:
I’ve commented before on how much you and my brother look alike. You all must share the same type of metabolism, too, as my brother has always been super skinny and very tall, even though he can eat so much food you’d think his legs were hollow. My son has inherited this metabolism (and the health problems that help to make his metabolism so high), as well as the ravenous appetite – while I, well, didn’t. I got my genes from the other side of the family, so I gain 10 pounds just by looking at all the food my son eats. Thank you for the reminder that it isn’t just “fat jokes” directed at me that hurt, but that skinny jokes don’t feel so good either. I will have to remember that before I open my mouth and unintentionally say something hurtful to either my son or my brother.
Kelli says:
I, too, am glad you’re back from your bloggy break. And I’m pretty sure every single person can identify with what you just wrote. I think the statement that is forever seared in my brain came when I was 42 months pregnant with my oldest. I was g-r-e-a-t with child. Someone looked at me and told me they were sorry I was carrying so much baby weight in my face and hips.
I cried for a week. Come to think of it, that was so traumatic I’m surprised I was willing to have any more kids after that.
Isn’t it funny what people will say out of ignorance?
Welcome back! Hope your New Year was great despite Baylor’s painful loss. ๐
Karen says:
42 months pregnant…..hahahahahah…..I remember looking and feeling that way! ๐
RuthA says:
Ouch. Thats another issue altogether: prego people. No idea how people think its ok to make comments like that. Mine were, “you know you can hurt the baby if you don’t eat enough” and such as I gained and showed slowly the first 6 months. I love people.
JLI says:
Really? People are that ignorant to say such a thing? Oh, listen to me…sounding as if I live in a bubble and don’t know first-hand that the tongue is a fire…
One of my co-workers made a hideous statement to me today – in pure ignorance, of this I’m 100% sure. I work in an office & dress conservatively all the time. I’m wearing a floor length dress (a maxi-dress style) with a cardigan and boots. I happened to walk out into our warehouse where it’s colder than an Eskimo’s hind end, so I also wrapped a shawl around my shoulders. And from his lips came this: “What, are you going to F—–g church or something? Goin’ to meet Jesus?”
For me to be stunned into silence is a rare occurrence. Sometimes sin comes with a lot of shock value. I could hardly believe what I had just heard. How awful for those who constantly come under this kind of scrutiny and judgment! I feel bad for all the people that missed a good message from your music because they were too hung up on appearances.
I’m glad you’re making a new – and much healthier – resolution for yourself this year: acceptance.
MJ says:
One simple blood test for celiac might give you your answer.
Other than that, Yeah for you and your rockin attitude about what is really important.
And, I applauded you in your calling out the” non-judgemental, never shallow, never verbally inappropriate” christians who think THE WORD is for everyone but them. You are just so darn polite in dressing down folks.
Shaun Groves says:
Nope on the celiac.
And thank you…I think.
Dave Horsman says:
Great post, thanks Shaun!
The generation coming behind us (and us, too) need to know this message that you put forward in this post. God loved our human frame so much that he took on form. He created this human frame to house His Spirit. Amazing! We must to be conformed to the image our culture puts forward as “normal”.
I just heard an very impactful message on loving the body God has given us. Here’s the link if your interested. It is from Allen Hood at this year’s Onething conference: http://mediasuite.multicastmedia.com/player.php?v=a2878d3j
Blessing on you this new year and may the Spirit give you the grace needed to follow through on your resolution. Peace, Dave
Megan says:
You know, you are making me think about this as relates to my own kids. I have one daughter who is a little on the chubby side and one who is seriously skinny. I’m very defensive of the one when people comment on her size (too big) and make them stop, but I haven’t given the same courtesy to my other daughter when people comment on her size (too small). I will begin now because I’ve seen her eyes when people comment. It isn’t a happy shine.
And why do people think children are fair game when talking about their size, one way or the other?
They are people, everyone. People made in the image of God. And they eat exactly the same things, so it is a mystery to me. But it shouldn’t be. It’s HOW GOD MADE THEM.
Thanks.
peggi says:
I have a daughter who is heavy and a son who is very skinny. It is amazing how much guilt I feel because one of my children is heavy. People make me feel terrible about it. So sad. No wonder so many people have eating disorders.
Jenn says:
Good food for thought for me as I have a sweet, talented, skinny son ๐
misty says:
And, by Godโs grace, to love myself as God does and to respond graciously when others donโt.
I pray that one day I will be able to do this…
So glad you are back from your blog vacation. ๐ By the way, when I seen you in concert I never thought “oh, how skinny” or anything like that. I thought “OH MY GOODNESS – IT IS THE SHAUN GROVES. He has great hair”. ๐
Shaun Groves says:
The hair is an effective distraction ; )
JessicaB says:
Ooh, ooh, let me try one:
When I saw you at my church, I didn’t think “Yeck, too skinny!”.
And I wasn’t blinded by the light of your celebrity like some of these folks.
…cause I didn’t know who you were. (You’re welcome ; )
So my opinion is the soundest. Without distraction.
Though … to be honest, I was a bit fidgety that day. Too busy looking around to see if anyone was heating up the tar, or bringing in the rail…
linda says:
hmm… never thought of it like that, but i’m glad to now know.
Melody says:
Wow…this one really made me think. I’m actually pretty normal with a few extra lbs, but often beat myself up (thanks to certain familyu members). In today’s society, it’s easy to forget those on the other side of the spectrum. Thanks for helping me to put things into perspective.
JavaJoy says:
It took me many years and a failed marriage to learn that what is on the inside is so much more important than what is on the outside.
I thank God that I DID learn though.
christina brown says:
Hmmmm…resolving to feel the acceptance that is already there….
Why do we tend to choose to believe things we know are not true?
Thanks for the new perspective on skinny. I will forever guard my words.
Su says:
Sigh… so true… I used to get comments for being overweight, but then once I got down to a healthy weight the “too skinny” comments started flowing. Apparently there is no spot on the spectrum that is allowed. It’s a shame that as a society we can’t find any real conversation topics, isn’t it? ๐
BTW, congrats on deciding to be happy as you are.
kevin says:
So be it , good word !
Kristie says:
http://www.davisturrentine.com/index.htm Maybe you should warn this kid ahead of time. ๐ He just put out his first CD, and he’s built an awful lot like “theshaungroves,” thanks to parents who fed him a steady stream of Hallelujah Diet while he was growing up. He may not be thick, but he’s extremely healthy, totally in love with Jesus, and around here, the little girls think he’s really hot. (but he’d rather persue Jesus than a female right this minute–which amazes me-in a good way- considering his age.)
And I used to babysit him, so much like you, I’m “too proud not to” ๐
I love how pure his motives are right this minute, and for that reason, I pray that he never gets an agent in Nashvegas.
Kathy says:
I wrote a whole response, clicked the wrong thing and lost it. So to save everyone’s time reading the same thing:
Good words! Thank you!
The grass isn’t always greener. (I’m definitely over the fence from you)
Think before you speak.
Eat your veggies.
Only speak words that make souls stronger. (A.Voskamp)
Love God, love people. Period.
Marla Taviano says:
Thanks for being so transparent. Boo to having to look a certain way to be cool.
Melody Joy King says:
“If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.” :0) Can’t tell you how many times my Mom said that to my siblings and I as a kid. As I got older, it became “Unless it’s kind, edifying, or necessary…DON’T say it!” Wise words indeed!
Your music and your blog are both a great blessing to me Shaun, and to be honest I’ve never really thought twice about your weight. People can be very mean. Coming from someone who has bipolar disorder, I hate to say it, but I know. Thankfully replacing those words with the ones God speaks about us, truly heals a wounded soul. As always, your honesty is most refreshing. Blessings to you and yours this new year Brother!
Shari says:
Years ago I had bulemia & was thrilled when someone would say I looked skinny – even if they were saying ‘too skinny’… for in my eyes there was no such thing.
Although I’m no longer a ‘practicing bulemic’ as I have gotten older & heavier, I continue to fight those demons and give it over to the Lord continually.
Thanks for your transparent honesty! I join you in the resolve for healthy living.
Cara says:
When I saw you in person I didn’t think you were too skinny … Short yes, but not skinny. LOL only short because I’m “tall for a girl” (I guess I missed the prescribed appropriate height designation per gender) as I hear often. The first time my now-husband held my hand he said “you have big hands for a girl”. Nice. Didn’t earn himself any points there for certain. At any rate our culture seems to have quite specific expectations for the norm and woe to those who don’t quite measure up, or who “over measure”.
You sure can create and sing and get me thinking so the rest of it is irrelevant.
SteveH says:
Just wanted to say that I can relate. I find myself getting excited when I step on the scale and it’s anything over 155. It doesn’t bother me as much as it used to, but I’d be lying if I said I never thought about it.
RuthA says:
Thanks for this. I have been thin for all of my 22 years and “caring criticism” has never been something I lacked… and the not so caring. We are talking casual Friday (so not in a baggy polo first time in a while), a full lunch room, I walk in to get my food and a coworker exclaims loudly “OMG, how on earth do your freaking organs FIT in your… BODY?” and such. I had a baby last year and everyone started telling me that “Wow you finally look healthy! You needed those 40 lbs. Try to keep them ok?” It has been (often still is) a long road to get to that place of “my spouse loves me and God designed me and called me good.” Thanks for the encouragement to be gracious and be content to be healthy.