Every Sunday morning my dad and I would get ourselves dressed to the best of our ability and then…
“Are you wearing that?” my mom would ask one of us.
To which I responded, one morning when the spirit of sarcasm had descended upon me, “No, mom, this is just what I’m wearing until you tell me what I’m wearing.”
My wife’s much more subtle. “Did you know you have some clean jeans hanging up?” she said this morning.
What? A guy can’t wear cargo pants, a dress shirt and track shoes?
There are a million ways to let a guy know you’d like him to change pants. There are a million ways to tell your spouse you’d like to spend more time with him. How many ways could we tell our kids we’d like them to change their study habits or dress more modestly or be more grateful or whatever?
Could the change we want to see be just a few more-carefully chosen words away?
Eric Lohe, a pastor in Westfield, Indiana has been a friend for almost a decade now. He’s a wise man and a great communicator who has brought about change in his church by tweaking his ask. He no longer pleas for volunteers. In fact, he’s stricken the word “volunteer” from his church’s vocabulary entirely.
“Volunteer,” Eric believes, makes service (something essential to every Christian life) sound optional: something I can sign-up for or not. Instead, Eric’s church knows that Christians love one another actively and cheerfully. They are taught, not asked, that Christians serve one another.
Now if only I could get my wife to say, “You know, when you wear these pants over here? I have a hard time keeping mine on.”
I’d change.
Faster than any man has ever changed before.
Geek for Him says:
I love it. I have heard that too many times from my mother. Glad I am doing better and haven’t heard it from the wife, the pants part at least!!
Thanks for sharing!!
Kristy says:
Too funny! I’ll have to try that line on my husband…
jay sauser says:
Now if only I could get my wife to say, โYou know, when you wear these pants over here? I have a hard time keeping mine on.โ
If you do figure that one out, pleeeeeeeease let us know how you did it!
Jacob says:
Just ask.
JessicaB says:
There you go with that can of worms again.
I like the idea of striking “volunteer” from the records. Because, let’s face it, more often than not, we don’t volunteer so much as we’re guiltily voluntold.
Like me and the church nursery. I am on the roster, only out of a sense of guilt because I have a baby in the nursery. But is nursery my passion or purpose? No. So what happens everytime I realize it’s my Sunday? Knee jerk mental pout, before I can stop it.
So this summer when my church opened a clothing closet, and I was the only one showing up, I decided not to voluntell people to help. Others kept saying “we should get a sign up sheet, and have people sign up for one Tuesday a month”. But I thought, I don’t want anybody to wake up and knee jerk mental pout when they realize they’re obligated to come up here and hang clothes. Besides the fact, most people would probably just forget it was there week and not show.
So I decided to pray, instead. (A novel idea, right?) And I asked God to send people who would take this ministry personally and have a passion that drove them to come back week after week without me having to twist their arm.
It turns out, God couldn’t find anyone at my church that cared about this ministry, but He has now brought 3 people from other churches that have fallen in love with what we do there and they come back every week to help me.
The lesson: Pray more, pout less?
JessicaB says:
Yikes-ola.
And sorry, for the sermon comment.
Princess Leia says:
Thanks for sharing! It’s an awesome story of God’s provision!
Now to get “Jehovah Jireh, my Provider, His grace is sufficient for me, for me, for me! …” out of my head!
We talk in terms of “service opportunities” at our MOPS group. That seemed more like something _I’d_ want to take advantage of (rather than be stuck doing). I don’t know that it’s changed anyone else’s heart in the matter, but it makes _me_ feel better about constantly asking for things! ๐
Barbara says:
And the award for “The Best Final 3 Paragraphs in the History of Blogging” goes to …. (drum roll, please)….. Shaun Groves!
Janet Oberholtzer says:
Agree!!
Lindsay says:
Yes, exactly! Loved it.
cshell says:
Yikes! So what happened to the whole discernment thing? ๐
Princess Leia says:
Nearly snorted my all-natural cane soda when I got to that last bit.
Sadly, in our house hubs is usually the one who says, “_THAT’s_ what you’re wearing?”
I need to teach him the other thing. Might help me make more of an effort!
Kelli says:
Once again, you made me laugh and think both at the same time. Well done…
Ron says:
Nice. Enjoy the couch tonight… ๐
Shaun Groves says:
Becky doesn’t read my blog…so as long as her friends who do don’t tell her any of this I’m in the clear ; )
JessicaB says:
Isn’t it weird to have spouses that don’t read blogs? It just seems to be the way that works.
Michelle ~ Blogging from the Boonies says:
Jess, mine doesn’t even touch the computer! Every once in a while he asks me to go online to YouTube so I can dial up some David Crowder or Third Day videos.
JessicaB says:
The only reason mine spends as much time as he does on the computer is because he’s in online seminary. So you’d think he could drop by the ole bloggaroony sometimes and leave a comment, right? Lol.
Ron says:
i think my wife reads my blog. but then I thought she was washing my underwear too until “The Incident.” Never mind.
Amy says:
I just did a total face plant into my hand. LOL!
I love the sarcastic reply to “are you wearing that?” because it sounds like something I would totally say.
I’ve learned to let my kids go and make sure I tell people I didn’t dress them. ๐
Kelli says:
I actually ordered stickers online that say I Dressed Myself Today specifically for my daughter. I slap one of those bad boys on her just about every time she heads out the door. ๐
jennibell says:
Love it!!!
Shaun Groves says:
I need some of those stickers!
My youngest (now five) used to wear a tutu with everything. And slippers. And sunglasses. She was born to be a rock star someday, obviously, but in the meantime she needs to wear a disclaimer.
Lindsay says:
That. is. awesome. Website, please? ๐ I’ll need enough to last my another fifteen years. ๐
Sara McNutt says:
Ok, this made me laugh out loud. And I think we all know which part. Good luck on that one…
Aaron K. says:
Shaun,
Your posts are a humorous inspiration to me.
If I had expressed my sarcastic tendencies with my mom, I would not be alive today. And thankfully, my wife usually does not need to express concern over my choices in clothing. Although, I do ask often.
Willing service is a matter of the heart submitted to God. How do we get stubborn, hard-hearted people to willingly bend to God’s will? How do we gently lead people to hear the voice of God and not the voice of their flesh?
Lori @ The Davidson Den says:
Ha ha! Great post. Great point. Service to others isn’t optional. Unfortunately, we’re still working on getting that concept across to the children in our household with regards to the family into which they were born…and honestly, sometimes even the mommy. (That would be me.)
Heather U says:
Did you know there’s actually a book by Deborah Tannen with the same exact title as your blog entry today? Crazy… I know! ๐
jen says:
We went to a church once would didn’t do ministries that people didn’t feel called to lead/help/work. Someone would say, “I think we should have a ______ group,” and the pastor would say, “Ok, when God leads the people needed for that ministry, we’ll do it!” And they would . . . or they wouldn’t!
I’ve never seen ministry work so well. There were a lot of things that that particular church didn’t do, but at the same time God was using them to do a LOT of amazing work!
As for the last few paragraphs, I’m totally using those . . . just don’t tell my husband where I got the line!
Amy says:
Is that all it takes? Does this kind of “manipulation” work for washing dishes or helping with laundry? ๐
Sincerely,
– Wife seeking insight into her man’s mind.
Shaun Groves says:
Absolutely.
CardsFan says:
I like to play a little game with my wife. I set clothes out for my youngest daughter (4 years old) at night. Then, I wait to see what she actually wears downstairs the next day (after my wife’s wardrobe change). I usually get the questions like
“You really put those pants with that shirt?” or
“You really thought two different shades of pink should be worn together … at the same time?”
I think it keeps a little spice in life!
… and ditto on the dishes/laundary/(insert item here)!!!
pastormatt says:
I heard someone say that the main problem they have with clothes is matching their socks so they started matching them by thickness instead of color. I like that idea.
Princess Leia says:
I only buy white socks. Hubs gets some black ones occasionally because apparently it’s tacky to wear white socks with dark pants/shoes. The kids and I? Tacky.
Matthew W says:
Hi-larious!
JD says:
Beautiful truth!
Craig Tilley says:
Hey Shaun (and )forum)
I am a new fan and fellow Compassion International sponsor and just wanted to introduce myself. I love what you are doing.
Keep spreading the Good News!
Shaun Groves says:
Welcome, Craig! Thanks for reading.
Lindsay says:
Hi Craig! Welcome! (Shaun’ll keep you on your toes for sure!) ๐
Liz says:
Shaun,
You have a great way of mixing great theological truth with humor! Great post!
Mike Monson says:
Knowing Eric personally, you have hit the nail on the head. Volunteering is NOT optional in his circle.