I was the opening act on the ironically named “Eleventh Hour Tour” headlined by Jars of Clay and Jennifer Knapp in 2002. Jennifer told me it would be her last. She said she needed a break but it didn’t need to be said.
Anyone could see how beyond tired she was.
Quality Over Quantity
In the 80s Toyota made arguably the most reliable cars in the world. GM did not.
At GM the top commandment in the factory was “Do not stop the line.”
At Toyota it was “Quality over quantity.”
One GM worker says if someone had a heart attack he was expected to push the guy aside and keep going so the line wouldn’t stop. Stopping the line for any reason would mean embarrassment, a lengthy gripe session from management and probable firing.
At Toyota factories a rope hung over every worker’s head. Pulling the rope stopped the line and played a happy tune while a rivet was reinserted, a broken machine was repaired or an injured worker was tended to. The line stopped several times each day because quality was more important than quantity.
It Starts Now
Jennifer was single, hard working and freakishly talented: the industry’s and every fan’s dream.
In the back of a promoter’s van, headed to a signing at Borders Books, Jennifer told me her story. She was turning out albums faster than the rest of us, charting high with every single, filling up rooms, garnering industry praise and logging a lot of miles.
She told me she’d done 250 gigs every year for four years. With travel days added in, she had no time for relationships off the road, no church community or time to serve it. Her band and her road manager seemed to be her primary relationships. The isolation and life-is-work existence had left her spent.
She told me she’d asked her label and management for a break repeatedly. She said she’d told them how empty she was. But, according to her, they didn’t listen. Their response was always the promise of a break after this “one more thing.”
“I can’t do it anymore,” she said.
If Jennifer was the hugging emotional girly type I would have put my arm around her and let her cry it out. But she was strong. A professional at strong. And she wasn’t telling her story to get sympathy from me anyway. She was warning me like the Ghost of Career Future.
Because the future can change.
Broken Off The Line
Out in California, Toyota and GM opened a factory together called NUMMI. It was an odd arrangement. Toyota taught GM how to make cars their way. And Toyota got to manufacture a vehicle in the US, which helped them skirt some import fees and taxes.
GM workers learned to stop the line. Managers were prevented from dishing out any retribution for doing so. In a short time, the NUMMI factory became the top producing GM plant in the world. And the reliability of models produced there was the same as vehicles produced in Japan.
Some managers who cut their teeth at NUMMI tried to convert other GM plants to the Toyota way. The data made the case for them easily. But GM was under the spell of the American work ethic: Quantity is quality.
Managers didn’t trust workers to pull the rope only when necessary. And macho workers feared how the other guys would treat them if they stopped the line to fix their mistake or call attention to someone else’s. Plus there were union negotiated bonuses for every worker tied to how many cars were manufactured, not how well they ran.
At every GM plant – except NUMMI – hundreds of dysfunctional cars sat parked in the yard waiting to be repaired. They came off the line with the wrong fender, a lost tool sealed inside the door, an engine in backward.
They came off the line broken.
Toyotas didn’t.
It Starts Now
In a recent interview with Christianity Today, Jennifer said:
I was telling people “Man, I can’t keep up the schedule. This is just a little bit crazy.” I didn’t have any space to just be a normal human being. I finally realized nobody was going to make that decision for me, so I just said, “I’m not kidding. I need a break, and it starts now.”
And it did. At the end of our tour she moved to Australia and stopped making music.
That was eight years ago.
In those eight years I’ve seen friends in the music business have affairs, divorce, develop drinking and drug problems and anxiety disorders, drop out of church, and become filled with doubt and depression and materialism and cynicism and…
Lots of musicians have come off the line broken.
Some of this stuff just happens because we’re fragile imperfect people this side of heaven. All of us. No matter our occupation or workload. But some of it happens because we won’t pull the rope. Or because we believe the managers at the factory won’t stop the line even if we do.
In the music business quantity is often job one.
Pull The Rope
My first day back from the Eleventh Hour Tour I took my wife Becky on a date. We sat across from each other eating rolls and drinking sweet tea and she said to me, “I don’t want to divorce you…but I understand now why [artist’s wife] left him.”
I’d been on the road for most of the last year and a half. I was scared that my label or manager, my booking agency or artist friends would call me a wuss. I was afraid I wouldn’t be able to pay the bills if I slowed down. I wouldn’t be successful.
But I knew I wasn’t stronger than Jennifer Knapp. And neither was Becky.
At the pace I was going, I knew I’d be the veteran one day sitting in the back of a van telling a new artist that I needed a break.
I pulled the rope.
Thanks, Jen.
elizabeth says:
i love this. great post.
Brad Ruggles says:
Wow, powerful stuff Shaun. I always enjoy your inside looks into the fun but challenging world of making music. That story has so many applications for me and most of your readers I’m sure, regardless of what career they’re in. Sometimes it’s ok to pull the rope.
Great post. Thanks for this story.
Kathleen says:
Well spoken. Full of grace and truth about the essentials.
Sheri says:
Thank you. This isn’t just for musicians or automobile manufacturers. We all need a break or we will break. Our culture constantly tells us to go faster, do more, earn more, be more; and that what we are and what we have are never going to be enough. We need to take notes from people like Jennifer, and you, before we break.
Martha Lundgren says:
Indeed!
Ric says:
Very well said, Shaun. I haven’t been there quite to the level that Jennifer or you experienced but have learned the same lesson. Sometimes we get it in our heads that if we say “no” the world will come to an end. Finding balance and learning when to “pull the rope” is a critical step towards both emotional and spiritual stability.
T. says:
Courageous of you to pull the rope. Christ like of you not to condemn. I’m not sure that I would have been so Christ-like.
“neither do I condemn you. Go and sin no more.”
Zach says:
Great post. Unfortunately, it’s also sad though, considering where she’s at now.
Robert says:
Powerfully convicting. Really shows the lack of Christianity in the leadership of many Christian music labels. Thanks for being authentic.
We have a broken system creating broken people. We need the Holy Spirit badly.
Justin says:
Thanks for this post, Shaun. Interestingly, I just finished listening to the This American Life episode on this subject and was having very similar thoughts. It took GM almost 2 decades before it saw any changes away from the business practices that initially fostered that working environment. In the meantime, many people got burned out, fried, almost killed by the attitude of “you can’t pull the rope and quit.” As a worship leader and youth pastor I’ve seen the same things in the church. It almost happened to me. I pulled the rope too.
Rest, breathe freely, and love your family. It creates more growth than you can imagine. Thank you for being who you are.
Lisa Smith @stretchmarkmama says:
If I prick my husband, he bleeds This American Life–so I’m glad I’m not the only who read this post and thought, “Hmm. I’ve heard this somewhere before.” 🙂
adam herod says:
Well said Shaun. Thanks for sharing your stories bro. I’ve always been willing to do that “one more thing” but this last year with my family has taught me that the best moments in life don’t happen on a stage.
Laura @ Texas in Africa says:
That was a good one. Thanks.
Kevin says:
wow. beautiful post. not even sure what to say, but these are words that many need to read/hear.
Mama Bean says:
thanks for the post shaun. thanks for writing a different article from all the other j.knapp stuff flying around the ‘nets these days 🙂
We are THAT family says:
Awesome perspective.
And thanks for not holding a stone, aimed at the lonely girl in the middle.
Where are her accusers now?
We all need Jesus.
Emily says:
Thank you for this. While not a musician (or a factory line worker) I’ve been feeling led to pull the rope in my own smaller ministry obligations. (I used to call them opportunities… that says something, huh?).
I know you didn’t write this for me. But you did. God is speaking the same warnings through many different avenues, many unexpected places. Thanks for being his bullhorn today.
John says:
Great post Shaun, I am going to link this post from my blog. Take care.
Kelli says:
This was an amazing post. Left me with a lump in my throat and I’m not entirely sure why. But thanks for your insight…
Lindsay @ Not2Us says:
How dare we, as a “Christian” family, create such a demand for a “Christian” subculture that we support the type of factory where our brothers and sisters come off the line broken.
I need to spend some time in repentance this afternoon.
Jim Drew says:
Hey Shaun
Someone sent me this link to check out. What an important post. I toured for years and being out there 24/7 for a month or more at a time there were times when things at home needed my presence but… I had another gig to head to and was not near home by several states at least.
I think it was Keaggy who once said he told his company 3 days a week is all. He had the name and clout to go with it but what a great move.
Getting ready to start another booking campaign and my advisers have already said to keep it to a couple gigs a week now at most. Doing my own booking so that is in my own hands now to be wise. Thanks for the confirmation and the parable of cars. Awesome stuff!!!
Jim
Cheryl Warren says:
Cheers, thanks, & blessings! And I’m really grateful for your relevant response to Jen’s interview…looks like God is challenging alot of stuff in our world view as followers of Christ!
Heather EV says:
I’m thinking I really needed to hear that. I know I am at the very limit of what I am able to do right now and yet I’m scared of telling people I can’t do more than I am. Good stuff.
Ron says:
Amen. My prayers are with Jennifer. May the God of all encouragement and grace heal all that is broken and may His love prove sufficient.
And may my stone be missing from those that are thrown.
One day I broke too. Not in the same fashion but hey, busted is busted. If it weren’t for the compassion of my Lord and the faithfulness of a few of His followers who loved me back to health I don’t know where I would have ended up. I don’t want to think about that.
David Lindner says:
I have a ton of respect for you for doing that and sharing that. As a leader in Christianity, you set an example for us, and by setting an example of someone who loves their family you’re doing a tremendous job. Not to put you up on a pedestal, I just respect you.
Ken Summerlin says:
Thank you for masterfully tying these 2 stories together for us. After spending 20 years in the corporate world, I too pulled the rope. That was 14 years ago and I’ve never regretted a day of it.
Thank you most of all for not picking up the stone.
Karina says:
My husband pulled the rope several years ago. He was traveling doing installs for the small software company he worked for. During the last 3 months as an installer he was never home more than 48 hours in a row and we saw him those 3 months less than 21 days total.
When he pulled the rope his company allowed him to move to another, non-traveling position and cut his pay by $15K/year. It was well worth it!
We’re celebrating 18 years of marriage this week! I’m so glad he pulled the rope!
Brent Bourgeois says:
I pulled the rope 8 years ago myself, with no regrets, and I haven’t looked back. People wonder why I don’t make music anymore, and I tell them that my marriage was more important. Some have been able to do both successfully, but it wasn’t working for us. I’m happy for Jennifer, happy that she’s found balance, and happy that she’s escaped the hypocrisy of CCM.
Shaun Groves says:
You, sir, are a legend. Which means, simply, that you are older than me and very very good at what you do.
Honored to have you reading my little words.
Lesli Bieganski says:
Although I miss your music, thank you for giving me another reason to appreciate it.
Elaine Nicholles says:
It’s good to see someone happy for her.
It’s always a cause for celebration when someone is able to come to Christ as they are. Who knows where the rest of our steps will take us. But if we don’t start from where we are now and find that welcome, they’re all wasted steps. Some things are between a girl and her wise and loving Father.
Claude says:
Brent, You definitely made the right choice and I applaud you for not valuing your music career above your wife. Would it still be ok for me to say I’d still be gleeful to hear a new song from you some where down the road? 😉 Come Join the Living World is an amazing album! And folks, it is available to purchase as a download if you missed it the 1st time around! Well worth your time and coin.
Rick Orrell says:
Brent, your music and songwriting are still an encouragement to many even after all these years…..
Janet oberholtzer says:
Excellent post … loved the parallel stories and the connection between the two.
Ann Kroeker says:
Loved the parallel stories that led to your personal conclusion to slow down and live “not so fast.”
I’m trying to get families to talk about this and figure out how fast is too fast and what’s a pace they can sustain for the long haul.
You discovered your limit, your capacity. And you stopped.
To do this in our GM-minded world, you are brave.
And wise.
Amy Courts says:
I’m on the road with Jen now, playing your role in her comeback tour with Derek Webb. I’ve heard some horror stories about what it’s like to be a musician touring full time, even worse about what it is to be a CHRISTIAN musician…constantly “on” spiritually, not allowed a day to be human, perpetually the model.
But…as ever, it seems, Jen is setting the example, along with Derek. Derek would rather drop the cash on extra flights home to the family than spend a few days off in San Diego. And Jen…well, she’d rather take a few days off in San Diego than pack the schedule night after night.
I’m exhausted as it is, this being my first ‘major’ tour. But thank God for artist like Jen who’ve learned when to pull the rope and have made life on the road a little easier for those of just now learning the tread.
Shaun Groves says:
Amy, I’m in Nashville and if you are too and ever want to have some mediocre Tex-Mex and talk, I’m in. Praying for you guys this Spring. I promise.
Amy Courts says:
May just have to do that…whenever I get back home!
Steven Kanehl says:
I hope Amy and all Christians everywhere show agape love to Jennifer. II John 1:3 says “Grace, mercy and peace from God the Father and from Jesus Christ, the Father’s Son, will be with us in truth and love.”
Liz Reeves says:
Shaun,
What a beautiful post. So well written! It reminds me a lot of the way John Piper (wasn’t it him?) that you recently posted about is taking time off to focus on what’s important. Not because someone’s on the verge of divorce or an affair, but because it’s the right thing to do right now…to tend to things BEFORE they’re broken.
God bless you & your family!
Don says:
What a great post. It reminds me what I heard at the Indieheaven Indie University last week. “Ask yourself if you are in this for sales or souls”. Christian Musicians should definitely make a good living from their efforts, but shouldn’t be subjected to that kind of slavery. There appears to be a light appearing in Christian Music with the strong Indie movement. We need to be able to focus on our purpose – to follow Jesus, and fulfill our call in music without it destroying our lives. Thanks for sharing.
Laura says:
Shaun,
Thanks so much for writing this, which (as someone stated) has been a breathe of fresh air to what was originally posted in regards to Jen’s recent interviews. Driveness and perfectionism are ugly monsters that can’t please anybody in our fast-paced world. It’s really disheartening to see what the world of CCM has done to many artists and their careers. I’m glad that both you and Jen have been able to take that leap of faith in order to be where you are today. Thank you for tackling this subject with such honesty and grace.
BTW, I saw you in concert with Jen on the 11th Hour Tour in 2002 and also with Bebo Norman the year before, and really appreciated your music and what you had to say after each show. You are also an extremely gifted songwriter and I’m grateful for what you are doing now. Blessings!
Cara says:
I loved Jen’s music then, and I am excited she is coming back now.
I live basing all my hope on the grace of God, and I am glad that she has found that same grace.
Love this post, a very necessary reminder.
Brenda Branson says:
I’m not a musician, but I “pulled the rope” on a Christian ministry that I felt had become out-of-balance. That was 2 years ago, and it was one of the best decisions I’ve ever made. I’m learning that cultivating relationships and learning how to love God and others well is my first priority. Thanks for reminding us of this important lesson.
Josh says:
good, good stuff, man…quite a reminder for us all in this post. Thanks for that.
NancyTyler says:
A handful of GMAs ago, I sat in a bar with a Christian artist, surrounded by label folks and dozens of other Christian artists, many of whom I’d grown up listening to. And I heard nearly every person’s story of falling off the wagon or into the arms of not-their-spouse. My head was buzzing by the end of the evening and it had nothing to do with the empty vodka tonic glass in front of me.
I grieve for people’s life choices and painful struggles and career disappointments. And I celebrate those who are living a life of accountability or who have stepped back from the spotlight to save themselves and their families.
I’m still praying, Nashville friends. And I love you all.
Shaun Groves says:
A few of us wouldn’t get through without your humility-inducing jabs, prayers and the occasional shoulder to cry on.
Thanks for loving us well, Nancy.
Love back to you.
Sara says:
“Pulling the rope” is something I have never been good at. Thanks for the reminder of how important it is.
misty says:
Thank you for this post Shaun. Your posts always inspire me and make me think deeper.
Honestly, I have never thought about how hard it must be on the family for artists, etc. I will be praying extra for all of you. Bless you for what you do because your words, stories and songs inspire us, help us draw closer to God. You are making a sacrifice. I will pray for God to redeem your time and help you pull the rope easily when the time comes.
melanie gao says:
I came here from Boomama’s blog. Why did this post make me cry? in a good way. I think it’s the way you interleaved Jennifer’s story with the GM/Toyota story. That was so powerful, thank you.
Gina Musgrave says:
So that’s where I am at this very moment. I need to, have to, figure out a way to pull that rope. I need space from ministry AS life if I ever want to have a hope of doing it again.
But I have no idea how to do it.
Holly @ Crownlaiddown says:
You know, Shaun, my dad worked at GM for nearly 50 years (most of his life). Right now, he is finishing up his last month there, as his plant in S’port begins to close. It is affecting the whole community…other places will close, too. ALL because of pride…and no one willing to pull the rope or stop the presses. Managers and leadership thought they knew what was best, as families over and over were affected by divorce and addictions–trying to numb their pain.
Sometimes the wake up call comes too late.
I am praying for you, friend…and continuing to pray for us all to just go ahead and build margin into our busy lives. We have no idea what to do with silence anymore.
Kristen says:
Thank you for this. I relate to a lot of what you describe, but from a professional ministry perspective. In my experience, pastors at larger churches often face the same demands on their time – demands that are not congruent with family life, self-care, or marriage. We have seen SO many pastors fall to affairs/pornography, etc, and I truly believe it is in part to the pressures of performances and “quantity” inherent in church work. I grew up a pastor’s kid and certaintly saw this play out in my home, where my father was largely absent off doing “the Lord’s work”, which meant we weren’t aloud to complain about his lack of presence.
I married a pastor and saw the same dynamic playing out in our marriage for upwards of ten years. We expressed our concerns to our church staff over and over again and the unspoken message was always the same: it’s okay to sacrifice yourself/your family if the church is growing. Two years ago, he pulled the rope and left the mega-church where he worked. He now has time to cultivate our marriage, and be an amazing father.
I agree with the above poster – we as Christians need to take a long and hard look at our culpability in pushing our leaders to burnout.
Thanks for being vulnerable on this.
Claude says:
Wow Shaun!
I had forgotten about your blog and came here through a link from FB. Appreciate your so well expressed perspective. I will be checking in regularly now.:)
Jen~Beautiful Mess says:
This makes me love Jennifer Knapp all the more!
Shayne says:
Next payday, I am buying whatever Jen’s putting out on iTunes. I would much rather have water coming from a fresh well, than water coming from a well that is nearly dry.
Have always loved Jen’s music…her raw songwriting gave me insight to a Jesus I had never heard about. My respect for her has just gone up about a thousand notches.
Thanks for this post. Very, very powerful.
Angie Raess says:
My old manager posted this blog on his Twitter, so glad he did! I pulled the line a few years ago after 8 years in music ministry and being in a touring band. I find comfort in reading this knowing we all face the tiresome line. I, like Jen, face struggles no one wants to hear about… but is so necessary for moving forward. I wish her only the best and can’t wait til I too am dusting myself off and forging ahead in God’s creativity.
Nikki B. says:
This post was great! I’ve loved Jennifer Knapp since the beginning of her career. I’m 25 now.
I actually had my rope pulled for me when a nerve disorder struck me down 2 years ago. I was so busy & “on” spiritually from being a youth leader, worship leader, and working at my church that even though the disorder has been horrible, I actually started breathing again.
Thanks for posting this!
joD says:
Loved the post. Nice juxtaposition.
Kelly says:
Am I missing something??? Listen everyone struggles yes! Everyone has stress. BUT WE HAVE A FREE WILL. We can choose what we let in our life
I am confused that you are making it sound like it was CCM that led her to this type of life style because she was stressed. All of us deal with certain stresses in life we all know our limit. I just don’t buy the fact that she is living in a sinful lifestyle and everyone is OK with that. Which I quote her she is in a “same-sex relationship” It is not OK according to our God. Neither is murder,lying , etc…. She needs to seek Christ and it’s not who she was created to be. God Loves her and does not want this type of lifestyle for her. If someone has had an abortion they are not a murderer for the rest life. The Bible says Repent and Turn AWAY FROM SIN! No I am not saying we are perfect none of us are. I am saying she needs help and people can help her free her sin, not continue in it. That is what we are as a body. Loving One Out. I know its hard to say and hear , but it needs to be said.
Tony Lucido says:
well done.
Divine Ms. M says:
Thanks for such a great post on Jennifer Knapp. I’ve been such a fan of hers since I first heard “Romans” back in the late 90s. She writes on the level of Rich Mullins–who I believe was called home far too soon, but I am not one to question His ways. So thanks be to God she has returned to music so many more can be blessed by the talent she’s been given.
I’m so happy for the real, relevant music to coming out now from artists who are Christian–and not “Christian artists”– like her, Derek Webb, and others. It’s a beautiful thing when the story of love, mercy, grace, and faith flows naturally into the art instead of cranking out one more “Jesus song” to round out album of 10 songs.