Shaun Groves
My nine year-old is beautiful. And this makes boys stupid.
Back when I was stupid, there was this girl. Let’s call her Andrea. Looking back I realize now she may have been part of some fundamentalist Christian cult that made boys wear overalls and never let the women folk trim their locks, but at the time I just thought Andrea’s unusually long hair was pretty.
But boys can’t just tell a girl she’s pretty on account of all the stupid between their ears.
So I said, “You’re hair is…is…it’s like…like worms.”
Andrea moved away later that year and, I imagine, shaved her head, dropped out of school shortly thereafter and married a cousin. I fear he owns a bait shop over in East Tennessee. He doesn’t make enough to pay for her counseling so she just sits in the corner rocking back and forth and talking to a styrofoam cup full of night crawlers.
Bless her heart.
So I explained to Gabriella that…
- A) Boys at her school might think she’s pretty because she is pretty. It’s an objective fact like Keanu Reeves is a bad actor, fajitas from Pappasito’s cure some cancers, and my hair is awesome.
- B) When boys her age think a girl’s pretty they often say stupid hurtful things to her. They’ll regret this when she’s a Nobel Prize winning supermodel who makes multi-platinum records on the side.
- C) She deserves a boy who isn’t stupid and hurtful, one who honors her with constant kindness. And cleans bathrooms. And leaves the toilet seat down. And takes out the trash and fixes stuff without being asked to.
- D) She’ll have to wait until she’s at least 30 to find him. Also, I’m happy to do that for her.
Lindsay @ Not2Us says:
Boys are also dangerous: They give mommies and daddies heart attacks. I’m very patiently awaiting the arrival of this age…
dubdynomite says:
I especially like point D.
And fajitas from Pappasito’s. Oh how I miss those fajitas.
Meredith says:
So are you saying that, if any girl waits til she’s 30, chances are favorable that said stupid boys will have outgrown their stupidity by age 30 as well?
Please tell me yes.
Also, (a) I agree that Keanu Reeves is a horrible actor and (b) Pappasito’s is the closest thing to a salvation experience, apart from the actual salvation experience, that I have known to date. Amen.
Shaun Groves says:
There’s evidence that some stupid boys will kill themselves before age 30 trying to impress girls. And a large portion of the remaining stupid boys will mature…to a point of tolerability. And a handful never will. They own a Wii.
Amy says:
Oh dear. My 4 year old is in trouble. He loves to play the Wii. I have a few years to work on weaning him from it.
Rebecca in e.tx says:
you are stinkin’ hilarious!!! love it – we tell our daughter this all the time and i tell my son not to be a ‘stupid’ boy!!
anon4him says:
lol 🙂 I love this
CardsFan says:
As a mostly recovered boy with two daughters (9 and 3), I can certainly get on this band wagon!! I regularly ask my daughters to agree that dating won’t commence until they are 25.
Unfortunately for me, they look too much like their mother … guess I’ll just have to resort to plan B – displaying weaponry!!
Shaun Groves says:
Mmm, yes, I wonder if packing violates my non-violence stance. I mean, I’m not using. Merely “displaying.”
Thomas says:
I have to disagree with statement D. It seems with every generation the length that a boy remains stupid increases. So I guess the proper age should be 40 before she meets a guy with those qualities you listed in C.
Lisa Smith @stretchmarkmama says:
How do you feel about burping, bad teeth, and boys who can quote large portions of…broadway musicals? Cuz I have some connections.
Karina says:
LOL! Just wait til she’s 13 and boys are hanging out at the house with the family waiting until she’s 16 so they can take her out!
And really, how cool is it that a boy would hang around with the family for 2 1/2 years just for the chance to take her out when she’s old enough to be allowed to date?! I guess we’ll see how this pans out. It gives us a chance to check him out, know him and even mentor him.
You really want her to wait until she’s 30? I wanna be a grandma before then. 😉
Shaun Groves says:
At that point he’s not a boy. He’s a shark. A stupid shark. Circling.
And I’m in no hurry to be called gramps.
Karina says:
LOL! I’ll keep the shark thing in mind.
I guess it may be a woman thing. I’m past the childbearing years and my next hope of snuggling babies related to me is as a grandma. I’m not really in a hurry, but I would like it to happen before I’m in a nursing home! 😉
Sarah says:
I love this! I am a mama to four girls… 7, 2, 2, and 1. We tell our 7 year old that she’s not allowed to date until she meets someone as good as her daddy 🙂
Zach says:
You may win a nobel prize for simply writing this. You’ve got my vote.
Amanda says:
I’m dying over the worms thing. Someone in my elem. school told me my hair looked like hay and I’ve never forgotten it. Of course I was obsessed with horses at that time so I probably took it as a compliment.
Princess Leia says:
I was told to wait till I was 40. I went with the spirit of the law over the letter of the law and just waited until I found my Very Nice Boy (and believe me, it was long enough!). In short order he became my Very Nice Betrothed and shortly after that, my Very Nice Beloved (if you hadn’t guessed, “VNB” for short). I was 28 when we met (he was….gasp….25!), 29 when we married, and 30 when we had our first little one (we weren’t quite specific enough when we told God we wanted kids “after a year” so He gave us one for our first anniversary).
He was the first non-stupid boy I found, so I snatched him up! Still has faults (God love him), but is definitely perfect for me and well worth the excruciatingly long (at times) wait. Even if he _does_ like NASCAR.
Shaun Groves says:
You’re still young. Plenty of time left to teach him how to turn right.
Shayne says:
Oh holy moly I love your posts.
I love how you have absolutely no aspirations for your daughter whatsoever…
And I wanted to see how many times I could use the word “love” in a comment…
Have a lovely day!
Amy @ My Friend Amy says:
You’re such a sweet daddy! 🙂
Beth says:
As the mother of one son and three daughters, I can vouch for both sides of this saga. My son is 20 and I’m convinced he’s too good for all the ‘air-heads’ out there trying to scoop up such a wonderful, Christian guy with musical talent. I’ve never seen one come even close to being good enough for him and neither has he (yet). My daughters are the reason my husband began collecting Turkish shotguns. The 17 year old already dates. The 13 year old received a phone call last week from a guy who went to school with her last year. He asked if he could walk with her to our local “junk-food” outlet and then play some video games at his house. I said OK…but only because I know his parents, and because he’s seen the aforementioned shotgun collection…up close. Our 10 year old daughter plays hockey. She can take care of herself…and anyone else that comes along.
Beth
Sarah Valente (Kingdom Mama) says:
Love it! Your hair IS awesome. And Brian and I are ABSOLUTELY prepared to pick out our girls’ husbands as well.
If your girls can grasp the whole “stupid boys” thing (and I’m sure they will bc you’re their dad!) WOW will they be ahead of the game!
P.S. Yours is the only blog that I “make” hubs read everyday.
Lindsey T. says:
So funny! I’m 23 (today!) and very involved with youth at our church. I tell the girls ALL the time that “Boys are stupid.”
I feel like it’s part of my ministry to help them understand that you shouldn’t just “date” a boy because they say nice things to you. Dating is to find a life partner…not JUST for fun. I feel like that mentality leads to too many unnecessary heartbreaks. Because, seriously, there are few things in this world worse to a teenager than to have her heart broken.
I also tell them they shouldn’t get their feelings hurt when they say stupid things too…because…well, boys are stupid. 🙂
Love your posts!
Prudence says:
So glad my mother in law taught her three sons not to be stupid. Well, we’ll just assume they’ve grown out of the stupid years.
Any sons we have will be taught not to be stupid and treat girls right and respectfully (and take out the trash, help with the dishes, etc.)
Any daughters will be taught to never settle for a stupid boy, but punch them in the face. (I kid…maybe). I dealt with stupid boyfriends I don’t want her to experience them.
Drew says:
Really? Cousin Jokes? East Tennessee? What about your huge fan base over here? I’m sorry, that’s right, your live album was recorded in Nashville… oh wait, no it wasn’t. Show some love. You’ll camp in our mountains, but take pot shots? Shame on you. Andrea’s probably a college graduate and third cousins don’t count.
No disagreement about the factual hair statements.
Liz Reeves says:
LOL! Shaun this is awesome! What a great post!
Kelli says:
My husband told our daughter, who is only four, mind you, that boys are gross and there is no reason to play with them unless she plans to beat them at sports. (Of course, her brothers are not included in that equation – they are only allowed to be gross to somebody else’s daughter).
She is well on her way to being THAT girl who runs faster, swings higher and spits farther than any little boy in town. The only girly bit of her I’m allowed to cling to is the occasional braid in her hair.
I think I’m okay with that.
Josh says:
great post…
I’ve had more than one dream about my wife and I having kids, only to wake up each time with the dream ending in female quadruplets. 4 boyfriends one day…oh my.
Rick Orrell says:
What a great blog today!! I, TOO, have two gorgeous daughters (one is 14 and the other is 3). Hopefully I’ll remember to tell them your wonderful advice!
Katie says:
I remember playing basketball on the carport w/ the boy next door…and to keep the ball from going out-of-bounds (downhill about an acre to the orchard fence) he did a super cool flip thing off the carport and landed in the chestnut burrs that had fallen under my dad’s chestnut trees…I remember thinking, simultaneously, “How awesome is that!” and “What an idiot…It’ll take him hours to pick all those burrs out…”…and I think after he “saved” the ball, I did a lay-up for the extra point while he was still on the ground…
…vicious pre-teen sirens…I was raised well, though, (and mostly to be kind…just not to stupid boys)…my little sister came home from 1st grade with a note pinned on her shirt…”Mrs. Hyatt, please tell your daughter that boys do not have germs and that she should not say this anymore at school.”
kathleen says:
Good stuff.
As the mother of 2 boys ( 12 and 3 ) and a new baby girl, I am *trying* to raise the boys to not be stupid. I don’t know. It’s dicey. It’s almost like they must go through a “stupid” phase. The good news is the 12 yr old is showing signs of coming out of it. The 3 yr old is knee deep in it right now.
Will give baby girl your advice though and I concur with it. Not too worried though – her 2 big brothers are over the moon for her and I think they’ll pretty much keep the sharks away.
misty says:
Awesome!
Your daughter is lucky to have you as her father…encouraging her and telling her just how beautiful she is!!
Shellie (baylormum) says:
You are bringing back things that happened in my childhood I would prefer to forget! Even after 40 years!
I am also one of those who found my soul-mate at 28. Who would of thunk it? My dad had given up on me ever finding someone. He had told me the month before that maybe he raised me to set my standards too high! God had other ideas! Now nearly 24 years later I can’t imagine things any different. Well, maybe some of those stupid boys could have been nicer…..
MJ says:
I take exception to your post, although acknowledge well intentioned and honest. As the mother of sons, I fear the girls who are also “stupid” using their God-given gifts of beauty to tempt good boys into evil. You do your part, I’ll do mine….and I fully agree about the 30yr old part for both!
Shaun Groves says:
I agree, MJ. Girls get stupid when they develop, um, cleavage ; )
My girls aren’t there yet.
Jeffery M. Dunn says:
I lovingly refer to it as “The Moron Stage”. Most guys “grow” out of it around 24-30. Some extraordinary ones wise up around age 18 and an alarming number stay in it permanently. (Single guys who live with Mom forever). The trick is to recognize it early and hide until it passes.
Jeffery M. Dunn says:
BTW: I have 6 daughters. All but the youngest is aware of “The Moron Stage”.
Erin's friend says:
Hey Mr. Dunn. Good points.
At the age of 18, I was already treating girls like I would my own mother. But in my 20’s, I discovered that there are some girls don’t know how to react to guys being nice to them. Sometimes they get scared and run. Sometimes they mistake it for intamacy. Others will declare ‘open season’ and make a game of it, trying to see how much attention they can get. All those mixed reactions made me pull back the reins on what I would normally say. To say things in jest, or nothing at all, at least offered me a hedge of protection from an unwanted response.
At the age of 30, the only conclusion I can offer is that it all goes back to dad. Sure, every girl will say she loves her dad, but her perception of a boy’s kindness is forever shaped by the way he treated her. So if her dad was a good one, chances are, she will be, too. (And I know you are a good one.)
Sara says:
I am doing my part to raise my 3 boys to be aware of the “Moron Stage” and at least compensate for it (mostly by being quiet when they can’t think of something nice to say).