Before the turkey and the ham and the gravy and the rolls and the broccoli casserole and the apple pies and the ice cream we give thanks by gathering the in-laws and the many children and sitting around together. Gluttony takes a lot out of us so today a little preparatory rest.

First, some resting on the couch. That’s Harrington, my niece Olivia, my daughter Gabriella, my sister-in-law Kathy, my other sister-in-law Amy and my niece Natalie motionless watching other people move around on So You Think You Can Dance.

Then it was time for the kids’ favorite holiday traditional: the iPhone merriment. All of you who actually own one are robbing your kids of the joy of borrowing someone else’s twice a year. Scarcity = Happiness.

It started with Uncle Brian’s.

But it ran out of juice. They sat there joyless, for almost a full minute, their giving of thanks in danger, until they conned Aunt Kathy and Granda out of theirs.

God bless you, Steve Jobs. If not for you and your Apple company the children in my home would have to play outside or talk to each other every Thanksgiving and Christmas.

Harrington, lacking opposable thumbs and love for The Man, rested some more on the couch. He belongs to Kathy. His actual full name is Reverend Harrington McGillicutty but we call him Harrington or even Harry because it’s less wordy and because we’re all trying to gloss over the fact that Kathy has deluded herself into thinking Harry has completed course work in religion.

We’re all rested up for the day o’ gluttony now. Everyone. Man and beast. Well almost.

Hey. Somebody had to keep us fed. And I was busy taking pictures.