“Forgive me Cindy for I have sinned,” I joked. “It’s been two and a half months since my last workout.”
I fully expected her to sentence me to ten Hail Mary’s and one hundred push-ups. I got worse than that though: an hour of uncoordinated
flailing, panting and muscle failure in front of a ginormous mirror and twenty women I barely know. Starting over is hard. To say the least.
It’s been more than two months since I’ve done a lot of things: hung out with people after a concert until the last one is gone, stayed up late, read scholarly type theology books, attempted to answer unanswerable questions about God from my eight year-old, executed a push-up. For more than two months now I’ve been solely focussed on surviving depression and bacteria and doubt. My to-do list has been whittled down to “get through the day.” It’s been humbling and refining in the best ways, in ways I had no clue I needed.
I needed a break that was anything but a break. Does that make sense?
But now the break is over and it’s time to get back to rest of my life.
I’ve got a blogging trip to coordinate. I’ve got a new web site to launch. I’ve got songs to write and record. I’ve got a book to finish. I’ve got meetings to reschedule and phone calls to return. I’ve got a date with Cindy, or someone equally tortuous, to keep a few days a week.
I’m uncoordinated, working through some emotional and physical fatigue, a bit out of practice at, well, everything. Two and half months away has caused some muscles to weaken and others to atrophy.
At the end of the workout this morning I felt exhaustion but also a real sense of accomplishment. I mean, I did show up. I did my best. I didn’t yack. No one laughed at me. And I think that’s because everyone else in the room felt just as clumsy and weak as I did. We showed up for the same reasons, with the same
anxieties, to do the same work on the same muscles. For all have fallen short.
Kris says:
You have my sympathy and concern. I can only imagine how overwhelmed you must feel.
I am glad that you are better and able to work toward getting back on track.
I appreciate your honesty and open so much.
I will be praying for you, your family and your ministry.
CardsFan says:
I am reading this thinking that everyone in the room appreciated that you didn’t yack!!
Seriously though, thanks for taking the time to visit with my wife,
friends, and me after the concert in OK last month. I have
appreciated that time even more after reading the blog the past few
weeks.
Cuban Assassin says:
Sorry to hear whats been going on with you. I only know from the
outside how you must of been feeling, because i’ve seen my wife go
through it several times in our 13 years of marrage. I would like you
to know that if you ever need someone to just hang with and talk or
just listen I’m here. Or if you want someone to kick your butt in Boot
Circuit, you know where to find me too. My prayers are with you and
your family. Stay strong.