Shaun Groves
More than a month ago I got an eye twitch – you know, one of those little annoying jumpy muscle things. Then it spread to all the muscles around my eye. Then it spread to the other eye.
Now, the interwebs is not the best place to seek a diagnosis. But it is cheap and I like that very much about it. So I sought. And I found. According to various websites, my twitchiness could be stress induced or a tumor. I’m not stressed – well, or I wasn’t until I learned I might have a tumor – so I don’t think that’s it. And I’d rather not know if I have a tumor so my plan of action has been to wait this thing out.
My wife, on the other hand, apparently loves me, and would like me to live a long and twitch-free life, so she called a doctor’s office and asked if I needed to see an opthamologist or an oncologist. The lady on the other end of the phone talked to a doctor and told Becky we should start with an opthamologist.
“Really?” Becky said, “Does the doctor have an idea of what this might be then?”
“No,” she said, “he just says to start with the opthamologist and then they’ll refer him to someone else if he needs it.”
“Really? Because we just jumped straight to brain tumor,” Becky confessed.
“Rebuke it, don’t claim it!” the lady, a complete stranger, blurted.
Yessir, folks, we live in the buckle of the Bible Belt – a place where even making a doctor’s appointment can lead to spiritual correction.
Where are you on the globe? How likely are you to get spiritually spanked by a doctor’s office receptionist?
Adam says:
How is it even possible for you to have 2 hilarious stories back to back.
I live oustide of Philadelphia.. pretty much confirm that would never happen here..
Mark says:
I live in Los Angeles. I would probably faint if I got a response like that from a nurse.
Linda S says:
HAHA! oh my goodness.
i’m from northern california- and NEVER! the past few christmasses I haven’t heard “merry christmas” uttered publically, much less a rebuke like that…
Beth says:
Well I live in Birmingham, Alabama, and stuff like that happens to me ALL the time!
Karen Koonce says:
I’m in N.Cal, like Linda…. and I’d be more likely to get offered some kind of crystal or homeopathic herb than anything. Might be why I don’t like going out around here!
Just counting the time until we can be back in the Bible Belt again.
Mary @ Giving Up On Perfect says:
Oh my gosh, so funny! I live in Missouri, which is close to the Belt, but not (I don’t think) technically IN it. So this sort of thing could happen, but it’s not an everyday occurrence, that’s for sure.
Bill Whitt says:
Hey, fellow hypochondriac! I struggle with worry too, especially when it comes to health-related matters, and the whole Internet revolution has only made it 50x worse. The anxiety it causes only makes it worse.
You’ve probably already stopped twitching, haven’t you? See, we just need to relax (see http://www.billwhitt.com/blog/?p=1062). Maybe there’s a song in there somewhere.
Anyway, to answer your question, here in WV, it’s about a 50/50 split, and most of the “advice” you get isn’t exactly theologically sound…
Matty says:
I live in Kerch, Ukraine and I try to avoid the doctor’s office… especially since that unfortunate incident with my sandaled foot and an ax.
I do however love being chastised for not having eleventeen layers of wool undergarments on my 2 year old son in the winter… by a women wearing a skirt the size of band-aid.
What we need here is a good, ol’ fashioned dose of the planks v. specks debate.
Fred McKinnon says:
Shaun,
Yep, here in South GA – only this time, it was ME telling the DR … my 5-yr old has flu .. he confirmed it w/ a test, and basically grinned and suggested we should buckle up while the rest of us (myself, Joy, and our other 2 kids) got it – it’s so contagious, it just ravages through the house. I’m like “well, yeah, that makes sense, but we’re going to pray and believe God that it doesn’t have to be that way” … haha.
48 hours later … 2 down with flu. I refuse to say “4 more to go”, though. I refuse!
Jen says:
Um, I can’t even get a nurse/dr/stranger on the phone, much less have a conversation.
Gwen says:
Okay, I live in British Columbia, Canada, and I think anybody in the health service would be immediately fired if they ever said anything like that. Even “Merry Christmas” is socially taboo around here. Sheesh.
My word verification is “doubt64,” which feels vaguely appropriate to your post.
MamasBoy says:
It isn’t often that I burst out laughing in the office. I really shouldn’t read your blog until I get home.
I think metro areas in New Mexico are kind of between the UK and Nashville. Chance of being spiritually rebuked at the doctors office: 1 in 10 times the population of my state. On the border with Texas, I have no idea.
That is an especially funny story, given the situation in the UK.
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/health/healthnews/4409168/Nurse-suspended-for-offering-to-pray-for-patients-recovery.html
Portland, where I grew up, trends strongly toward the UK. Chance of being spiritually rebuked in a lifetime: 0% They’d get fired.
Cincinnati, where I went to grad school, trends toward Nashville, but still, I can’t imagine that happening there. Chance of being spiritually rebuked in a lifetime: 1 in 100,000
Wow. TN must be a trip.
David (@dg4G) says:
Sydney Australia…and the likelihood of getting that depends where in Sydney you are. If you lived in the outer Hills district, home of the main Hillsong campus, then there’s an outside chance.
If you live in the central areas, like I do, you’re more likely not to understand what tney’ve said – even if you came from the same country (usually India/China/Malaysia/Korea), purely due to the speed with which they have to say everything to make sure they have a chance in getting home that night and not stuck seeing the queues of patients.
On the social taboo a few comments back…it still makes me laugh every time a clearly-Hindu doctor wishes me a happy Christmas or Easter, and they are genuinely appreciative when I tell them Jesus loves them and hopes they’ll walk in His light soon. Sometimes that goes deeper, usually it’s a bit like an awkward moment from a sketch comedy…
Anon4him says:
I live near Lansing, Michigan, and considering my response to reading your post was “That is soooo freaking awesome!” I would be quite surprised if something like that happened around here. When the doctor is required to ask a 16 year old if she’s been sexually active, and feels the need to tell her “in case you change your mind talk to me so I can get you on birth control” you know the world is lacking something it needs very much.
I would love so much to be rebuked for claiming sickness… though I prefer that it won’t be necessary.
Happy Geek says:
From Alberta and no, not so much.
Most people here wouldn’t even know what that phrase means.
Yet another thing that distinguishes us from Texas, that and the depressing lack of chik-fil-eh.
Christine says:
I’m in SoCal, and so more likely to be offered a crystal or some wheatgrass before a Bible-borne slapdown. Pretty funny tho’. My totally professional interweb opinion is that it’s not a tumor.
Grovesfan says:
I live in ND. I see a military doctor, so probably not in that office, but for the most part around here, it could be fairly common. Even in the public school my youngest attends, they get to sing “God Bless America” and celebrate Christmas with the Christmas story (not the movie; the actual story). We’ve been blessed to have had all four of her teachers so far be Christians!