The Oxymoron That Was My Breakfast

“Look what I got?” Becky said, pulling a can of what looked like whipped cream from the fridge.  Well, good mornin’ Team Building Exercise 99. But I was wrong. And it was wrong.  Very very wrong.

Organic pancake mix.


In a can.


That’s right, it’s Batter Blaster – “healthy” eatin’ for people who like their food of the squirted variety.  Coming soon – I hope, I hope, I hope – Velveeta Blaster: Organic squirt cheese food. Followed by Poultry Blaster: organic free range squirt chicken salad.  Oh, if I could just get organic fajitas in a can.

And it says right there on the can that Batter Blaster is the “original.” In case you were planning on taking credit for this marvel of canned cuisine.  And I know you were.

Or do they mean original as in not like anything else.  Because that, my friends, is truth in advertising.  This breakfast dish is nothing if not original.

(Not) Surprisingly these were the worst pancakes I’ve ever ingested.  Yet I ingested several of them.  I. Do. Not. Know. Why.

My quandary: Was this “food” awfuler than awful tasting because it was organic or, well, you know, because it was SQUIRTED FROM A CAN?