Experiment: Freezing A Frightened Geek

Last night, during a ten second water break, while the Cuban Assassin set up the next gauntlet of torture devices, a blonde woman in tight black spandex panted to another blonde woman in tight black spandex, “I heard someone threw up in this class once.”

“No way,” I said.

And then, not only did I not throw up but I didn’t even come close.  Not even a chunky burp or a slight wave of nausea.



But I have a secret.

I read about how DARPA was experimenting with lowering core body temperature to increase the stamina of soldiers.  The theory is that our muscles send “give up” signals partly because we’re overheating on the inside.  It’s still a theory but Olympians used ice vests in the last Olympics and Nike has designed an updated model for them to use in China.

DARPA uses a chilly sock and glove.  The sock and glove are somehow kept cold and as the soldier’s blood passes through that hand and that foot it’s cooled.  The cooled blood then carries cool to the rest of the body, including the core.  And his endurance increases.

So there I sat, in my front yard, for an hour, with an ice pack in my shoe and my hand on a pack of frozen peas.  Fear makes you do strange things. I have no idea if it worked but I now know what frostbite feels like.  And I know this: regardless of the benefits chilling one’s core may provide during one’s exercise regimen, it delivers zero reduction of soreness in one’s butt the day after.

Good to know.