Shaun Groves
New Jersey gets picked on. The bad guy in movies is from New Jersey. He has no neck, wears black, works for the mob, hasn’t mastered subject verb agreement and is named Vinny*.
After being there this past weekend I can honestly say Jersey isn’t half bad. Parts of it are actually beautiful…I’ve ben told. It’s called the “Garden State,” after all. There’s got to be some actual life and vegetation somewhere.
But, yea, they do talk funny. Not hilariously funny. Just pushy funny. And loud. New Jerseyites have a way of making directions to the hotel sound like a list of everything that’s wrong with the world – at twice the decibel level of say Tennesseans. Suggestions, encouragements and compliments even come out scaldingly scolding, bossy and angry. The nicest words come out coated in What The #$@& Do You Want????
I felt like crying several times. I peed myself twice. And finally just called my mommy.
Meanies. Bunch of mean meanies.
Then there’s the New Jersey expression. No matter what is being said, or sung, the face droops like a sack of face parts just hanging on the front side of a head. Nothing moves. It all just hangs. I’ve got the joy joy joy joy down in my heart? Sag. If you’re happy and you know it? Nothing. Thank you so much for having us, it’s been great, really? Nada.
Droop. Droop. And more droop.
What gives, Jersey? You seem aware – nay, even proud – of your unsunny disposition and unfriendly ways. I and the rest of the citizens of these great states wants to know: Why so glum? You’ve got stuff to be happy about…I think…somewhere…surely. Cheer up.
And use your inside voice.
*I actually met a very kind low-talking smiley man named Rocco with impeccable grammatical skills and a good sense of humor.
RevJeff says:
I think it is a direct result of the fall. It is a well know fact that the garden has never been the same since Genesis 3.
Anon says:
*laughs at the above comment*
CJ says:
I read your blog everyday, but rarely comment . . . I cannot hold my tongue here though. I am a very nice person, caring of others, full of the joy of the Lord. . . and from New Jersey. Watch it Groves – just as you would not want others to lump you in with many others from Tennessee, don’t do that to those of us from New Joisey! It’s a beautiful state with many wonderful people in it!!!
BYW, were you in North or South Jersey – cause they really are like 2 different states (South Jersey being the better of the two)
Shawn bashor says:
You have it all wrong Shaun.
It’s the “Garbage State,” not the “Garden State.”
brody says:
I heard that the north and south were very different. We were in the mean part.. which ever that is.
milepost13 says:
I was going to say the same as above…Jersey is two states, south and north…seriouly, it’s crazy how real that it… I attended a small college in south NY my freshman year, and after hanging out with some north Jersey “ladies”, I promised myself I’d never marry a Jersey chick. 5 years later, I married Jersey chick… a south Jersey chick. Her family ain’t half bad either (or maybe that’s the cheesesteaks talkin’
…mmmmmmm….philly cheesesteaks…
Nate
Nancy Tyler says:
North Jersey is an annex of NYC; South Jersey is an annex of Philadelphia.
North Jersey houses those no-neck individuals, along with refineries, crowded cities and some super wealthy towns.
South Jersey is the better half of the state. It has the farms, the beaches, the Pine Barrens (with the Jersey Devil) and the personality. Yo, and it’s not a bad place to grow up.
A South Jersey person will not bark directions at you; he or she will start out by leaning into your car window, looking at you with genuine pity and saying “Aight, hon. Geez, youse really are lost…”
In South Jersey, you eat Philly cheesesteaks, hoagies, soft pretzels and Jersey produce, which is better than any other because of the sandy soil. And speaking of sand…we go “down the shore” not “to the beach.”
You boys missed all that. Being up there. In North Jersey.
Geez, youse really were lost.
CJ says:
Wow, these comments are really making me miss home!!!!!!!! There’s no place like (south) Jersey – you guys really need to give it another chance. And you truly haven’t lived until you’ve had a Philly cheesesteak mmmmmmmmmmm………
Nancy Tyler says:
What county are you from, CJ?
CJ says:
Camden County – I grew up in Haddon Heights and went to Ocean City every summer!
Seth Ward says:
We were just at the IKEA in Jersey. Amber and I were thinking the same thing about the place. It was BEATUIFUL but the people definitely have attitude.
Cali Amy says:
ha, my mom grew up in New Jersey and to her there are no greener fields than those of Jersey. After all her glowing reports of it when I was a child, I was surprised to discover people didn’t like it!
Nancy Tyler says:
Ikea…only in North Jersey. We South Jersey kids are a misunderstood people, Seth and Amy. A misunderstood people…
CJ, I grew up in Gloucester County in Deptford Mall country. But I used to wander over to Haddon Heights.
Deptford kids always went down the shore the day after prom and completely overran Wildwood.
Kat says:
When I was in college I went to New Jersey (the North one) with some friends (twins named D and G) from Missippi who *looked* very chic and trendy but had the HUGEST accents and were more quirky than any other people I’ve ever met. Fun, but quirky.
It was really funny to watch the collision of North and South every time they opened their mouths to talk to someone.
…especially the time they did a synchronized clogging routine on the big piano at FAO Schwartz. You wouldn’t believe the crowd that gathered to watch them clog.