Shaun Groves
I stayed up later than I wanted to last night writing a pretty good post for the blog today. I finished and actually thought it might be something to send on to one of the magazines I sometimes write for. I was eager to get it posted here and get the discussion started. But I knew that my late night writing is even more full of misspellings than my day time writing, so I hit “save as draft.
Doh! No, that was “delete this post.”
Yea, so this is what you get for today’s post. A left over thought from a week or more ago, one I hope isn’t so out of phase with current events that it bores you to unsubscription. Here goes.
So when all the Ted Haggard stuff was going down, I read a few different blog posts and articles poking fun at the sex appeal of ministers. One in particular, which I won’t link to because it was just so crass, sarcastically jabbed at the notion that pastors are sometimes sex symbols of sorts. “…becoming a pastor is a great way to meet women. (And men, I guess.) Apparently, the ladies think pastors are hot,” it said.
Well, they are.
Stop laughing.
They are. To some.
As much as I’d love to think my wife was first attracted to my microphone stand physique, my six foot two inch one hundred and thirty pound physique, she wasn’t. She swears she thinks I’m cute now, but back then she first liked me because she thought I was confident, smart and funny.
Those aren’t words I’d use to describe myself now or at nineteen when we met, but she was left with that impression when I got up to teach group of people or jumped into a conversation with a crowd she was in.
Apparently there are a lot of women like her who don’t care so much about what I look like, but come on to me after shows because of what I do on a stage or in a crowd after a show. They think I’m confident, smart and funny, Becky says, and for them that’s a huge turn on. Apparently.
A store buyer handed me her room key at a Christian Bookseller’s Convention in Orlando years ago, inviting me to come up and have dinner with her. I was flashed by a college student at an in-store event in Tampa. I was propositioned by a female radio personality in the MidWest. And I’ve had to move more than a few south-wandering hands from my backside while posing for a picture in a church lobby somewhere.
It’s OK, you can laugh. It is strange that women would find me attractive – until we realize that some folks are drawn to the kind of confidence and personality that they associate with people able to command attention from a stage. Whether those people are pastors or soft rock stars.
Which is why my father-in-law (a pastor) always keeps his office door open when counseling a female, and makes sure his secretary stays put at her desk right outside. It’s why Billy Graham has someone search his hotel room for females before he’ll enter and doesn’t even go to the bathroom alone. It’s why I travel with Brian, never meet with a female alone, always wear my ring and talk about my wife and kids with perhaps annoying frequency.
It only takes one woman to say we did when we didn’t and we’re done.
All of this of course really has nothing to do with the Haggard situation, but I’m glad it came up in the wake of it anyway. Laugh all you want. Your pastor’s hot, to someone. Pastors, be careful. Women, back off. Church, pray.
hollybird says:
I think you can create boundaries to protect and honour your future husband by protecting and honouring yourself now. As a Christian, we have a responsibility to not make anyone stumble in their walk with God. that means we have to watch how we dress, how we carry ourselves, how we talk, what we listen to, what we put in front of our eyes. By protecting ourselves, we are protecting our future mate (or our present one for that matter). Blessings on you for your desire to make it right for him. He will be blessed by your efforts, and God is blessed as well.
This is a great discussion! I think we all need to be more careful about how we handle ourselves with the opposite gender, whether or not we are married. As Christians, we are called to be in this world, but not of it. Men and women alike need to strive for excellence in this area. It is true that we are all needy for others. God made us that way. We need people. And not every lady who thinks my husband is “hot” is trying to get her hands on him. Some of them simply like to congratulate me on getting such a catch! but there is a time and place for such comments, and we should be careful not to offend others with our words and careful not to make others feel uncomfortable too (my husband gets really embarassed by these comments). just my two cents….
kslus says:
Wow. This post makes me sad and angry. Sad, because there are so many needy women out there who are wrecking lives to fill the void in their own. I think this probably comes from an absent father. I hate to make it sound so simple, because it’s not. But, that’s pretty much the foundation we’re dealing with here. So, take note of this dads.
I feel angry because I’m a woman trying to make her way in a man’s world and this is just another thing I’m up against. I just want to be seen as a fellow human when it comes to my career and ministry.
We’re all “needy” to a certain extent. Emotional neediness was programmed inside each of us by our Creator. It’s not really a male or female thing. I think it’s true that boundaries are a good thing. I don’t think, however that every woman should be seen as a “risk” to your marriage. Furthermore, needy people, male or female, are pretty obvious to spot.
I’m through ranting now.
J. Snow Carpenter says:
I have had some similar experiences in my time as well. I am now in ministry and have to go out of my way to avoid even the appearance of impropriety, but I learned that from teaching at the university level. Same deal there… the female students (especially the freshmen) begin to view their professors (not all, but some) as some sort of ideal mate. So, I learned to always keep the door open, which can be difficult if you are teaching music lessons. Great post because very few people would have touched it!
Melinda says:
Ok so I’m jumping in a little late here (a whole season late) but I couldn’t resist adding my two cents (I think that someone wrote a song with that title…anyway). My husband is very attractive. He has been hit one so many times. One lady invited him to meet her under the stairs where they were both employeed. Another lady was was rubbing his leg under a table and trying to feed him at a work Christmas Party. This was done right in front of me. Events like this would occur pretty often. Finally after a divorced women asked my husband out, I prayed and asked God what I needed to do about it. I wrote her an email. It said basically “I would like you to know that it is not my husband that you are attracted to. No, because if you fully knew him, his weaknesses, his mistakes, and his past you would run in the other direction. You are not attracted to my husband but instead you are attracted to the Jesus in him.” I told her how she could have a relationship with Christ and then I gave her the number to some Christian single groups.
It’s funny because at the time all this took place my husband had the microphone shaped body as well (he weighed 129).