ANOTHER EXCERPT FROM ”A Field Guide to Evangelicals & Their Habitat.” THIS TIME THE TOPIC IS HOW EVANGELICALS INTERPRET SCRIPTURE – AND I POST THIS AS AN EVANGELICAL WHO CAN LAUGH AT HIMSELF:

Here is how evangelicals interpret Bible passages to arrive at their political positions:

This passage: “Remember the poor” (Galatians 2:10)

really means: Remember how lazy the poor are and thank God you’re not on welfare like them.

This passage: “My kingdom is not of this world” (Jesus in John 18:36)

really means: But for now, make sure you keep control of the White House and Congress.

This passage: “Give to Caesar what is Caesar’s, and to God what is God’s” (Jesus in Matthew 22:21)

really means: Only pay taxes on money you can’t hide from the IRS.

This passage: “Thou shalt not kill” (God in Exodus 20:13)

really means: Kill only those who deserve it—like death row inmates, abortion doctors, sworn enemies of the United States, and the French, when possible.

This passage: “Do not mistreat an alien or oppress him” (God in Exodus 22:21)

really means: Vote against government benefits for illegals.

This passage: “The Lord God placed the man in the Garden of Eden to tend and care for it” (Genesis 2:15)

really means: Don’t worry about the environment because when Jesus comes back he’ll destroy the earth anyway.

(HT: RAI)