We sat on the bank of the creek talking about Middle School. I suddenly noticed her – really noticed her, took her in. I was shocked at how her cherub toddler limbs have slimmed and stretched overnight into the beautiful girl beside me. And we remembered together why we chose not to put her on that bus six years ago and why we’ve now decided it’s time.
When Gabriella was five, her character was, according to psychologists with letters after their names that I’ve not earned, wet cement. A child at five is still defining her ethics: What is right and what is wrong? What are the consequences of both? Does this change when no one’s watching me? Does any of this matter to me at all? Why?
By the time Gabriella was four, our yard had become the prefered gathering place for kids on our street. Popsicles and shade trees and Becky’s hospitality helped. We got to know a dozen kids very well. A very few of them regularly behaved in ways we wouldn’t want our kids to. Seven year-olds hurling four letter words during a heated game of four square in the driveway. Fist fights. Repaying hurt with hurt. A five year-old describing a sex scene from a movie he recently watched with Dad.
I wanted my hands and not theirs in the wet cement for most of the day.
I wanted to be the primary author of the message she would become to the world.
I wanted her to be the kind of person who would reach down and help someone up.
I wanted her to be merciful, to be a woman who will lead and comfort the small and scared.
I wanted her to play, pretend, create, imagine. Every day. To pan for gold and follow maps to hidden treasures. To be childish. To be outside.
I wanted her to ask questions freely – How do sea shells get in a creek? – and be rewarded for it. To value curiosity.
I wanted her to try hard things without feeling like a failure if she failed. To climb high without quitting – to exceed her own expectations.
I wanted her to learn about boys and body changes and sex from us and not a movie or a friend first.
I wanted her to practice – with me – mining the bible, praying her fears, counting the gifts.
I wanted her to see conflict and resolution.
I wanted to be the primary influence in her life for just a little while longer. Gabriella needed me to.
And because I travel so many weekends out of the year – when most dad’s have the most hours of influence on their kids – we educated Gabriella at home together. But we made this decision with the hope that one day, when the cement dried a bit, when the most important messages had been etched into her by us, she would leave us to mark others.
“…so that when you go to school for the first time tomorrow,” I told her, “you’ll be the kind of person that makes it a better place to be. And you have definitely become that kind of person.”
Today, I hope the middle school down the street is a little bit brighter. (Fingers crossed.)
Jessica says:
Brave brave daddy.
Susan says:
Hi Shaun,
Such a beautiful post! My husband and I homeschooled our kids from K-8th grade and both entered high school in 9th.
They are thriving. The homeschool years paid off as we gave them a solid foundation. They know who they are, what they believe and why, and they are bright lights.
We have also been given a ministry to lots of teens who now hang out at our home, and we are getting to know their parents as well.
It is a challenging new season in many ways but also a very sweet one. You will never regret those homeschooling years; they are such a gift and a treasure!
Blessings to you and your family!
Susan
Kent Kingery says:
Wow… We made a different decision with both our girls (for different reasons), but each has become the beacon we hoped they would. I’m sending my older one off to her junior year in college and the younger one to high school.
Like you, we are counting on them to mark others.
Shaun Groves says:
Kent, I tried so hard to figure out how to say this in the post but couldn’t work it in without it feeling like a tangent: Everyone child, every public school, every parent is different. Beautiful isn’t it? Best looks different in every house.
I know you know that, but this seems like a good place to just state that outright.
And I can’t believe you have a Junior in college. Impossible.
Kristin says:
I absolutely love this line from your comment: “Best looks different in every house.”
I whole-heartedly believe that, but it’s still hard. Because, really, we all think we’re doing the best way, or we wouldn’t be doing that way, right? I think. At least sometimes. ๐ Part of “Best looking different …” also means there are different seasons for different decisions. For someone who likes to plan but often is reminded I’m not really in control anyway, this constant adjustment and remembering to evaluate for changes that need to be made can be challenging.
I appreciate the way you reminded me about that here. And I hope today is the beginning of an amazing new season for your family.
Gina Martin says:
We have run the gamut of schooling options: private school where I taught and my oldest attended; homeschooling both boys for a time; now, public school where my boys attend two different schools and I teach at a third. With each step we sought the Lord’s leading, and we followed His direction (as you have for your family), and we have not regretted for one moment the decisions we have made.
When my 5-year-old son (pouting because he was in trouble for something that happened at school) announced, “I have too many bosses,” we laughed at the humor in the statement. Quickly, though, God turned our thoughts in a different direction, and we realized that in truth, our son did have too many people impressing upon him – placing their hands in his wet cement, if you will. So we withdrew him and homeschooled them both. Down the road, God impressed upon us that it was time for them to be salt and light in their own communities by returning to school. It’s been a blessing all the way around.
Things will be different, but the foundation that y’all have laid for her will stay true, and she will build upon it with the positive influences of the people she will come into contact with.
Beth says:
She will undoubtedly change the world of that middle school because of kind of young lady you raised her to be; and more importantly, the kind of young lady God as created her to be.
Danny Meeker says:
Shaun,
Thank you so much for this! My wife and I have been considering the best course for school when it comes to our children and this is definitely encouraging! I was homeschooled a different times in my academic life and it, probably more than almost anything has helped make me the man I am today. Thank you for your wisdom!
Shaun Groves says:
Danny, I don’t know if we can call this wisdom just yet. Jury’s still out. We’re not even through the first day of school!
I’ll let you know. Hopefully before following our example screws up your kids too badly ; )
Kris says:
Wow. What a tremendous moment for her, for you… Praying as you send her out that God uses her as I’m sure He will to be the light for the kids she meets.
And you just described the MAIN reason we homeschool. Beautifully written, Shaun.
Shaun Groves says:
I like seeing your smiling face on here, Kris. Always so encouraging too. Thanks for that.
Brooke McGlothlin (@BrookeWrites) says:
So very beautiful. And much the same reason we chose the same thing. I want SO much to raise little boys into men who are different. My husband and I want to be the ones to teach them how, and then send them into the world to be a light when they’re ready (which they aren’t yet ;). Great post!
Holly Prosser says:
This is beautiful. We did the opposite with our son. He was in public school until the 10th grade. What started out as stength became more and more difficult for him, and we stepped in and brought him home. Over the past year, I’ve watched as God has rebuilt him, almost from scratch. I have my son back, and it’s a beautiful thing to behold. We still believe we made the right decision to put him in public school.But he will graduate this year from home school. Our daughter, who is starting kindergarten this year, is in private school for now. Next year, she will go to public because we know and trust the place and people who will be speaking into her life. I say all the time, parenting is not for the faint-hearted. Keeps me on my knees, and I’d have it no other way. I”m learning to enjoy the journey even more than the destination.
Southern Gal says:
Love this. Everyone has to make their own decisions in their own time. That middle school is going to shine a little brighter. I’m sure of it.
Janna says:
Thank you for these words! I needed to read them today because in a little over a week, I am not sending my kids back to the school we have LOVED for the past couple of years. Instead, we are going down to the basement – together – to begin a homeschooling journey that has me simultaneously nervous and at peace. They are coming home for many of the same reasons you mentioned and because I just sense that this is what God has asked of us in this season.
Shaun Groves says:
It’s hard, Janna. And I’m not even doing most of it!
But, yes, there are certain kids, certain seasons, that just seem to need it. Good for you for trying something different than you’ve always done simply because you think you’re supposed to.
Kelli says:
Our year of homeschooling last year was the hardest thing I’ve ever done. Every single day felt full of rewards and failures both. I’m so grateful that we did it and for us the season seemed to be short. I fully expect to one day homeschool again, but for now I feel a peace about putting them back into the public school.
At least some moments I feel a peace. Other moments I feel a raging fear. Is it right? Is it going to be okay? Is this the right decision?
I know it’s right and good for now. I wish I had enjoyed the process of schooling them more, because I sure did love being with them. If we could have just played all the time, it would have been perfect. But that whole business of them needing to know how to read and write and multiply and so forth ’bout did me in. ๐
Praying your sweet girl’s first day is great and she’s on her way to a fun year!
Rebekah says:
Kelli,
I am at the same point…the year I did together with my daughter and son just about did me in too. Homeschooling will never be totally off the table for me…we had enjoyable times and academically, they did great, but for now I feel at peace putting our son and daughter into school…I will not be going back to work, so my time will be free to be involved in their schooling…whatever that might look like…
Prayers for a great fist day…thanks for the encouragement about seasons and what best looks like in each house…trusting the Lord with my kids.
Tracy B says:
Such a wonderful post and a sweet reminder of our early homeschooling years and the same reasons we chose this path. We are still at it in the high school years for reasons that make sense for our family and as God has led. Just wanted to say thanks and I’m praying for God to use your sweet girl in amazing ways this year that will bless all of you!
Marian says:
Just curious – Why are you sending her to public school instead of continuing with homeschooling? (Junior High is tough in public school, especially for girls). My daughter is entering high school (9th grade) and we are just starting to homeschool. Our only regret is that we didn’t start homeschooling in Kindergarten. She is so much happier homeschooling and had been wanting me to since Kindergarten. Time is something you can never get back. You know your individual situation, so I am sure you will do what is best. Good luck!
Shaun Groves says:
Great question, Marian.
I answered in an artsy ambiguous way in this post, but here is an attempt at a plain straight-forward answer for you.
She expressed an interest in going to public school, first of all. Because we school at home AND our kids go to a co-op with other kids and teachers too, we were able to see how she operated when we’re not around – co-op was like training wheels for us.
Over the last two years we’ve seen her come to faith in Christ, mature in that faith, make more and more good decisions and be a generally usually pretty mature kid. In short? I trust her. And more than that, I think she’s a good influence on other kids too.
I’ve seen how she behaves, for instance, when girls around her get gossipy and mean. She handles it better than so many mom bloggers ; )
I’ve seen how she works if we take our hands off the reigns. She’s self-motivated and able to start and finish tasks without direction.
I could go on and on but now I’m just bragging ; )
She prayed. We prayed. And we all – on our nest days – think she’s ready for this. We may change our minds; our other kids may go to college at home(!), but we think THIS step for THIS kid is a good one. We’ll see about the next.
Marian says:
Thanks for the reply. She sounds like a lot like mine, both great kids. Unfortunately, there are not many kids like that in public school. Although I was amazed at how well my daughter handled all of the drama in Jr. High School, there was only one of her and hundreds of students going down the wrong path. I wish that in the real world a Christian student could be a light to the dark, fallen world of public school. But honestly, it does not work like that in a public school – you will see what I mean. Best of luck and I hope it works out well.
Shaun Groves says:
Oh, I don’t agree at all, Marian.
I’ve taught Sunday school off and on at our church. My favorite class was full of second and third graders who almost all attended public school
I attended public school.
My family is full of public school teachers.
Every mentor and pastor I’ve ever had attended public school.
Public schools are FULL of good kids from good families – kids and families who absolutely make people and places better wherever they go. Your experience certainly hasn’t been ours. I’m sorry you’ve had it so hard, Marian.
brooke says:
You answered this correctly. You did so well. I have to affirm that there are WONDERFUL kids in public school. My 20+ nieces and nephews are some of them. We prayed awfully hard about whether or not to send our oldest (going into 8th this year) to school now. We felt the answer was “no” for this year, but we were willing. If God had said “yes”, I would have felt that it could have been for another good kid needing a strong friend or for some kids who needed someone to come alongside them or both. I was a Christian kid in school. I went in and out of difficult times, but I know I helped to make a difference even through that … and I know there were other strong kids alongside me. It’s a total fallacy for people to believe that public schools are full to the brim of evil. It’s living in fear to think that. Whatever God guides … it’s true that there are wonderful kids in public school and that kids CAN live for Jesus at any age.
Kim says:
This will be our second year homeschooling. We are getting ready to start 1st grade. We are actually finishing up Kindergarden. We’ve schooled through the summer {which she didn’t mind}. It definately isn’t easy and your heart needs to be in it. I knew this was God’s calling for us for so many of the same reasons you mentioned, Shaun. Days are filled with triumphs and struggles. Our 6 year old also struggles with focusing…Dr’s would probably say she had ADD, we say she is full of life and energy ๐ ! I have no doubt that if she was in public school she would be behind because of it and we won’t put her on medication to make it easier for someone else to deal with her. We get to pray together every day, talk about God and read his word, and learn about this world “together”. She has actually done excellent this year and is looking forward to 1st grade {at home}.
Shaun Groves says:
My wife and I both got done with the regular school work before most of the class. The difference between us was that Becky was given extra work and responsibilities (grading papers, for instance) but I talked and put on a mini-show for the rest of the class. ; )
I do wonder how Gabriella will fare if she’s behind or ahead. But nowadays I know teachers are taught how to “diversify” – how to tailor their teaching to all levels. And we’ve got a great public school system here. One of the best in the state. So I’m hopeful. Concerned and hopeful ; )
Christine says:
We homeschool for all the same reasons. It facilitates a Jesus-style discipling. Always there…loving, teaching, questioning, challenging. And it rewards wonder and curiosity and makes the best of the time God gives us as a family, to sharpen each other.
Please write follow-ups on this experience, if she doesn’t mind? I have to admit I could never release them yet, unless God took my husband home and I had to bring food home and keep the roof over us. But I believe in what you say here, that the best is not the same for every family.
Wonderfully written, Shaun. She’ll love rereading this someday.
Shaun Groves says:
That questioning and challenging thing is important isn’t it?
The co-op we’re part of teaches against evolution. I don’t agree. Or, I guess I should say, I question that point of view. So I was able to assign each of my two oldest kids a point of view to research and argue in favor of – whether they agreed with the assigned view or not. It made me nervous, but it really helped them learn how to think, consider bias in sources, research, present information, etc. And it taught me how to challenge while letting them arrive at their own conclusion. I think that assignment was harder on me than on them!
Now, the challenging will continue – just on different points of view ; )
Kathy says:
I am very impressed with this Shaun!
Sara McNutt says:
YES! You’ve put into words what I’ve struggled to explain to people forever!! I’m posting this to FB right now…
Shaun Groves says:
Thanks, Sara!
Kristina Marie says:
“We model at home what it looks like to live in this world as Christ-followers. So often we’re great models of service, but our children don’t know what we’re doing or why we are doing it. As spiritual parents, we are choosing to live this way because it’s a daily reminder to them of what their true calling is–not only in our home but in life. This is their calling from God.” – Michelle Anthony, an excerpt from the book, Spiritual Parenting. Great book whether you choose to homeschool or not. ๐
Rebekah says:
Thanks Kristina!
Shaun Groves says:
Thanks for that recommendation, Kristina! I’ll definitely check that out.
Karen says:
You are so right that it depends on the season….the child….the school! We homeschooled for a season and then put our kiddos back in to public school and they thrived there as well. If we had to do it all again, we would still make the same decision. They are all grounded, well rounded and amazing individuals, but now I am just bragging! ๐
Shaun Groves says:
That’s so good to hear! I confess, I have my doubts. And this helps, Karen.
Bern says:
When we moved to Africa, my boys wanted to be homeschooled…..we decided to ‘try ‘ it and it was the BEST 7 years of our life……..best decision we ever made!!!!!
Kee says:
What a beautifully written piece. I too have decided to homeschool my little one (once he is old enough to actually go to school) and reading posts like this solidifies that decision.
Jennifer says:
Beautiful post! I often have “home school envy” with most of my close friends choosing to home school. God made it so clear to me that we were to put our daughter in our public school. She is now going into second grade and thriving. God has so unbelievable honored us in our decision to remain in His will, we are amazed. So far, it feels like a hedge has been put around her and she has experienced the best that public school has to offer. I just take it day by day and continue to seek His guidance. I will say that I am so thankful for all our home schooled friends, they are without a doubt the most well-behaved lovely children.
Shaun Groves says:
Good to hear, Jennifer.
You know, we swore we’d never homeschool. Mostly because we were turned off by the few homeschoolers we knew. To us, they seemed to be saying that good parents homeschool and bad parents don’t. Homeschooled kids are good and public school kids are dangerous and bad. And that’s just not true.
So glad to have this open sharing here from both public school and homeschool parents. It’s good to get to know each other and to see all this proof that there is no education that is always “good” or “bad” for all kids.
Jeana says:
I absolutely love this post, and I get it. As they grow and mature things change and God stretches us. We love to homeschool, although we do send one of our boys to a private school for special needs. I long to have him home one day,but I know now is not the time. Prayers for your girl and you!
Shaun Groves says:
If I could…
I’d send my oldest to this incredible arts magnet public school in downtown Nashville. And I’d homeschool my oldest boy and put my youngest daughter in clown school (does such a thing exist) and my youngest boy in public school. We’re halfway there ; )
Glad you’ve been able to tailor education to each child’s needs. That’s a rare thing.
Nish says:
This is a good word, great advice and wisdom to follow that goes well beyond schooling decisions. Thanks for sharing, Shaun.
Jackie says:
Beautifully written. I love the wet cement imagery the most.
Shaun Groves says:
I plagiarize my wife often.
Judy says:
How wonderful that just as Jesus trained His disciples and then sent them out in the world to be light and salt, so you are doing with your daughter. Having been sent out what they did when things weren’t going according ‘to plan’ was go back to Him to talk it over – they had learned He was trust-worthy. That’s the task ahead of you now you have established a relationship of trust – being available for all those (hours of) conversations, helping her to have a Christian world view/perspective on all she encounters is likely the next phase. May God bless you with wisdom and insight in the task.
Sometimes our Christian kids are the only face of Christ their high school peers see. It is a privilege for them to represent Him there – even the suffering for Him is a privilege (Philippians) and can be a means by which God matures their faith (and ours).
(Speaking from the experience of God’s grace in and through of all this – one headed off to university and one entering Grade 10, I have been delighted by what God can do in the lives of my children in the secular space where they were/are.)
Shaun Groves says:
Thank you for the encouragement, Judy. Your success is hugely encouraging!
Katherine says:
That middle school will definitely be much brighter! I want to thank you for writing, you made this mom in North Carolina smile and look around at all of her many blessings and I am grateful for your hard work and generous sharing of your writing gift and sweet family.
Shaun Groves says:
Thanks, Katherine. I struggle with how much to share. Glad sharing this slice of our private life was worth it.
Sarah says:
Beautiful post, Shaun. I have homeschooled for 4 years and have the exact same sentiments about it. You articulated it so well. I hope she has a blessed year..
Heather says:
Unfortunately, I didn’t see any Scripture used for justifying sending a young child to a godless school system for most of their waking hours. Its great that you trust her, but the Bible is clear that the student becomes like his master and that bad company corrupts good morals. I go to a church of mostly homeschool families abd there are a couple that put their child in public school for different reasons, sports being a big one or just because the child wanted to… Not one of them doesn’t regret that choice, the schools did more damage than they ever dreamed possible, and many of the children have rejected the faith they were raised with because of what was being taught in school… by the teacher and the students. And this is in the Bible belt! Please rethink this decision. As someone else said, you will never get these years back.
brooke says:
Just a little encouragement … my brother-in-law and sister-in-law have done a mixture of public/home schooling. One of their children was able to witness to his high school science teacher and bring him back to their house … where by brother-in-law led him to the Lord. There are other factors in what a child does than only the choice of schooling. I went to public school for all my middle and high school years and I still love Jesus.
Angela says:
I think it can be scary to cut your children off from the world. Most have gotten the point well on this blog post. You need to know your children, your local schools etc. Pray about it, then obey. Who are you to say that God didnt specifically tell Shaun and his wife that their daughter must go to this school? Children can be the most powerful witnesses.
Granted you have a point. I wont take that away from you. My parents put me in a Christian Private School, then took me out and put me in a Public school where I was lost and didnt have a strong foundation to speak my beliefs. I was the perfect candidate to be home schooled. I’m rebelious and was unsure of my self then. But, I also had friends at the time that were strong in their convictions and nothing anyone said or did would change that.
Looking back though, it’s true God uses your life (and mistakes) for a purpose. With out all the mistakes I made in public school, I would not have empathy for anyone going through the same thing.
Tara says:
@Marian -, Our three girls have all gone to public middle school and high school. The first two were almost solitary Christian girls in an otherwise supremely humanistic public school. They wanted, without any doubt, to go to Christian colleges. They maintained strong, vibrant walks with the Lord during their public school years. Both were shocked upon going to college at their apathetic peers who’d been educated in non-public school settings. I believe that having to stand firm in public school strengthened them and helped them to figure out what they believed, to personalize their faith.
Our third daughter will be a senior this year, but a good percentage of the peers in her public high school are Christian (maybe 20% or so). Again, she is maintaining a vibrant walk with the Lord.
No situation is black and white. We DO need to be continually evaluating our decisions about our children’s education. Inviting God into the decision-making process is essential for every parent.
@ Shaun…praying for a blessed and growth-filled year for your daughter. It sounds like she is well-prepared for this year!
Amanda Medlin says:
Beautifully written!
TN Lizzie says:
I’ve taught our 3 since they were born. I am proud to say that they can all dress themselves, chew food with their mouths closed (most of the time), and clean up their own messes (some of the time). Don’t ALL parents teach their kids the most important things?!
I have a degree in Education, and know waaay too much about how things work in this county to do anything but homeschool. My children range from 4th to 12th grade, and I see no reason to send them alone into the world to be witnesses just yet. Despite the fact that they’ve been saved since they were 3yo (God reached out, they grabbed ahold and haven’t let go), I don’t trust their peers to not corrupt them. That is just what sinners do.
Dr. Adrian Rogers used to ask his congregation what would happen if you put a white glove in a mud puddle. Would the mud get glovey or would the glove get muddy? (See 1 Cor. 15:33 for his answer).
That said, God is big enough to protect your children no matter where they are. He IS able! Shaun, I beg you to stay prayed up over Gabriella. I will pray too, that she holds fast to the Truth that she knows even when all those drums around her beat to a completely different beat. Keep her, a china teacup in a world of styrofoam, filled up with the assurance that she is valuable in God’s eyes. When she gets jostled, help her spill over with the Love and Grace of God. The shocked look on an unsuspecting bully’s face will be priceless!
You are a Godly man and your children have been trained well. I know she will be a blessing to her teachers.
So, how did YOU do today?! LOL
Kim Walters says:
Interesting stuff! We’ll be starting our 26th year of homeschooling soon. Oldest (now herself a public school teacher) went to K & 1st in public school; we brought her home for a lot of reasons. She homeschooled through high school as did the next two daughters, all three graduating at 15. Firstborn son, #4 child, has Asperger’s; homeschooling is wonderful for him. Though he’s 19, he’ll be having a couple additional “Super-Senior” years at home, giving him a chance to mature in so many ways before releasing him to the Real World. #5 child is more severely affected with autism and is a huge challenge. But God gave him to US to raise. All the programs available to us would be merely glorified babysitting. He’s a security risk, as well, being the world’s most devious runner and escape artist. There are answers for this young man, and God will reveal them to us, in His timing. Child #6 is ten, our caboose baby :). Looks like we’ll have over 30 years of homeschooling experience by the time we’re finished! Homeschooling and dairy goat farming are a great mix for us. I’m not saying we’ll never consider other options, but for right now, and for the foreseeable future, this is where we need to be!
Shaun Groves says:
Wow! 26 years! You must be the most patient parents in the world ; )
It’s hard for us, honestly. We doubt weekly if we’re cut out for it. But, yea, the benefits outweigh the occasional crying fits. (I’m only half joking.)
Anna says:
Beautiful post! After homeschooling our first three I completely understand where you are. It seems like each year, each student, requires prayerful consideration. We’ve now adopted number four and I still haven’t found the answer. We’ve kept her home the past two years to adjust, bond, attach- learn two new languages and so much more. This year we will continue homeschooling and seek OT, PT, and speech therapies. I am praying with all that’s in me that we will have the perfect team to help her reach her fullest potential! Blessings to you and your daughter as you take this big step together. (I keep telling myself that no decision is permanent. We can always re evaluate and back the truck up if necessary! It helps.)
Shaun Groves says:
So true, Anna. Every kid is different.
We adopted from India a year ago. He’s five now. And he’ll be attending public school kindergarten soon. It was a tough choice. But it’s what he needs. And we’re so fortunate to have a school in our neighborhood with stellar ESL programs and LOTS of internationally adopted kids – “brown people” as he says ; )
Anna says:
Oh you are so blessed to have a school where he will fit in. Our little one has down syndrome and is legally blind. ( she can see well with her thick glasses) Her name is Grace and she continues to teach me about grace with a little G. I never imagined I had so much to learn. We graduated all 3 bio children in homeschooling so our family is perfect for her though, a family of adults. I am thankful that I was never a “homeschool is the only way” kind of mama. This decision would have broken that I am aure! You expressed my position perfectly. Right now I have people from both sides questioning our decisions. I am praying this will be a perfect fit for us. Grace needs help that I am not trained to give her- we’ve learned sign language together- approx 300 words, she is now reading about 20 words, knows her numbers to 10, shapes and colors. But some of it is out of my league. I would hate for me to cling to the familiar and comfortable and that hold her back!
Teena says:
Thank you, Shaun for sharing. I needed this post. We have home schooled for 22 yrs. I still love it… but your words spoke deep to me. Most do not understand but it is our lifestyle… yes… just love what all you said. Thank you. Praying. I have three graduates and three to go… God is faithful.
grace~
Marlo says:
My friend sent this post to me today, and I’m so thankful she did. I homeschooled both of my boys for several years and put each one into a small public school at 5th grade. Today is my younger son’s first day (and my older’s first day of junior high), and I’ve cried buckets. My husband and I have prayed and talked and struggled (me especially) over what to do and what’s best for our family, and it rarely looks like anyone else’s. Not only do we want our children to be salt and light, but we also want to guide them in how to handle difficult people and tempting situations that they will encounter. We’ve built what we hope is a strong foundation, but we certainly don’t intend to quit building just because they are in school. And while each family’s situation is different, it is comforting to know others are like-minded!
Shaun Groves says:
That’s a great point I should have wedged into this super long post somewhere, Marlo. We want that too – to guide our daughter in learning how to think, relate, exist around different kinds of people with different points of view…lovingly. Oh, if there’s one thing I wish I’d learned sooner in life it’s that. I was such a pharisee, so unloving, so self-righteous and condemning of others as a kid. I wish I could do it all over. And I guess, in a way, through my own kids I get to.
Amy says:
Thanks for your post and for your understanding of how education looks different for different families at different times. We have had our daughter in private christian school since kindergarten and next year she will make the jump to a charter (public) school for jr. high. Being an only child I didn’t feel homeschooling was a good option for either of us. But we wanted her to have her educational foundation from a biblical worldview in those early years. So we bit the bullet, made some sacrifices and chose a christian school. Like any school choice there have been fantastic things about it and frustrations. She has a group of sweet friends and we love the families there. But our intent was always to have her leave at jr. high and go out into the world, taking her faith with her and to understand she will not always encounter people who believe the same way she does. And we want her to make that step while she’s still under our roof and has our guidance (rather than when she’s going off on her own). It’s important for us to have her put her faith into practice, and as you said, be salt and light. Though I have to admit that scares me a lot, it also makes me excited for next year for we know it’s through adversity that we are sharpened spiritually. I want her to own her faith. For now though, we will savor this last year at the school she has known and loved.
Boy, education has sure changed from when we were kids, huh?
Jennifer says:
Thank you for sharing some of your experience. It is good to hear about parents seeking and trusting the Lord’s will for their children, even when it looks different for each child. I am a young mom of one, starting to think about schooling options, though it’s still a few years off for us. I had never considered homeschooling until a few months ago (probably largely because my own parents have always been against it). And I have been of the mindset that Christian children and families are needed out in the world to be salt and light, and I don’t want my aim to be just to shelter them from what’s really going on in the world. But I am realizing that it’s a lot to expect of a child to be a witness while they’re still having their own foundation formed. Maybe possible for some, but many kids would surely be negatively affected in some ways. I am also becoming more passionate about the things I want them to learn that they probably won’t learn in school and seeing how little time I will have to teach them those things if they are in school all day. I don’t want to shelter them, I just want to be the one who forms them. So I am becoming very open to the possibility of homeschooling. BUT, I feel at such a loss for how I would ever go about doing that. I don’t consider myself a good teacher, I don’t have lots of energy or creative ideas, and I do have a pile of regrets about how much I did not learn in my own schooling because I only cared about getting by. I know God could still use me to homeschool and that many homeschool parents probably feel similarly. But I guess the point of my comment is to ask, how do you find a sort of roadmap for making these intentions practical? I’d love to have some resources to turn to as a newbie to this whole idea, not necessarily huge lists of curriculum options (unless there’s an amazing one you highly recommend), just some steps to take to get started on the homeschooling journey and practical advice on how to make sure your homeschooled children really do develop a love of learning and learn those character lessons. Any thoughts?
Christine says:
I wanted to encourage you, Jennifer. Teaching uses a variety of skill sets, just like parenting does. You will be great at some of them, and mediocre at others. God will fill in the gaps. Trust him on this. If he is leading you to homeschool, he will equip you. Even a parent with just a high school diploma could do it well.
I’ve homeschooled for five years. Before I had children of my own I taught public first grade for nine years, and for three years after that I supervised homeschooing families and taught them a few enrichment classes. Then I stopped working.
When I taught I was creative but not very organized. My students did fine and some of them did really well. They learned to love books. I never used a single textbook (that happened to be okay with my principal).
Some of the homeschooling parents I worked with were highly organized but not very creative. Others seriously lacked organization but could teach a whole day of great spontaneous lessons. All of their children learned well. God uniquely equipped you to parent and teach your own children. We live with the people we do for a reason. God designed the personalities and idiosyncratic quirks to fit together for our good. It can be hard sometimes, really hard, but we are sharpen each other in just the right places. Don’t listen to the doubting voices. You will succeed.
Some simple advice:
– Read to them a lot from a variety of genres.
– Have them read 45 mins. to 60 mins a day after they’re fluent (20 minutes a day while they are beginners)
– Dictate spelling words for them to try (not for testing purposes) Avko Sequential Spelling is cheap and comes with lists of words for a whole year. Dictate 25 a day and have the child fix mistakes right away.
– Give them a blank journal and have them fill it up for 20 minutes a day or more. As they start reading books with plots, have them respond to them in their journal. Give them topics if they can’t think of their own. Praise their work in specific ways, and then teach on two or three things per entry (indention or capitals or periods, etc.) Or buy a grammar workbook, if you don’t like this method.
– Check out or buy interesting books from the children’s section on history and other social studies themes, and great books on the human body, animals, simple machines, and other science topics. Use real books as much as possible, in place of textbooks. It is a bit of work to gather books, but the payoff is incredible.
You can print off the state education standards from your school district’s website. Just use it to make a list of topics to cover. Read it to get your list of topics and a few ideas. Don’t put too much emphasis on these grade level standards, otherwise. You’ll most likely do more than asked anyway, since you’ll teach one on one.
– Teaching Textbooks is a great math program on DVD which really cuts down on any math tears in your home. Almost any book or program would be great for a child who loves math. Blessings to you!
Kristina Marie says:
I just have to respond to those who think it is not likely that your kids will find any other kids who are a “light” in public school. My son has special needs and has attended his public school for 5 years now. He is absolutely the brightest shining light you have ever seen and he tells everyone he encounters about Jesus. When he asked his unbelieving teacher, she whispered to him that we don’t talk about those things at school. He responded, “Oh, yes! I talk about them!!!” ๐ Everybody knows where he stands. On his special baseball team, the regular boys teams come to be their “buddy” players. Instead of keeping his eye on the ball, he is telling his buddy all about the golden streets in heaven. Afterwards, the coach came up to us and said my son had invited him to our care group lasagna dinner that night. I love it! Wouldn’t have it any other way! He is wonderful, he is precious, and he is a LIGHT for Jesus wherever he goes and especially in public school. I agree it can be hard at times and I still may choose to homeschool in the future if God leads me in that direction, but if we all take our kids out of public school, who will be left to be the light? I wrote a song for him called “Wonderful, Precious You” and I’m hoping to record it soon. ๐ Also, just a tip for boys…he loves “The Action Bible” all written like a comic book.
Anne says:
Today was my first day to homeschool my three kids. I feel like I’m exactly where God wants me to be, and I haven’t felt that way in a long time. I’m so grateful for the opportunity, and I’m grateful to you for putting into beautiful words exactly why I feel God led us here.
Jonathan Smith says:
I am a public school teacher. Our boys have never struggled with academics but we have decided to home school beginning this year. I actually was supposed to have my oldest in my math class this year. There have been mixed emotions from everyone we have told about it. This post has given my feelings words. Thank you for allowing God to use this to build the confidence of those who are just starting. We are praying that our kids will be ready one day to also make a difference, but we are loving the chance to impact them in the near future!
Jen (Balancing Beauty and Bedlam) says:
Your words and heart so mimic ours with this home school adventure, except honestly, I never thought I would see a day that they would attend our rural public school.
It’s interesting how the Lord has quieted our hearts on this decision and yesterday, our second oldest (17) entered his first day of public school. We graduated our eldest this year, after having been homeschooled all the way, and our others are still at home, but this warrior of ours is off to be a light. His desire is a Division One football scholarship and this is part of that process with all that it entails.
So we send him off, knowing that the Lord has gone before us, and we just can’t wait to see how the Lord uses him for his glory. He has a heart for those that stand in the shadows, so already, he has invited a few very underprivileged kids over for dinner, and they just couldn’t believe that this big ‘ole football player cared.
Parenting is such an emotional journey, yet raising our blessings to live life radically for Him with kingdom building purposes is such a privilege.
Thanks for sharing your journey. ๐
Carolyn says:
THANK YOU for allowing the public school to share your daughter with you. As a teacher, I daily see the need for kids and families like yours…salt and light to the world. I know it’s not easy to send your child off, but it’s so critical for the salvation of others. The support in the classroom that also comes from families like yours is a lifering in the sea. There will be frustrations and triumphs, blessings and trials, but everyone will grow from it all. Again, thank you!
Katie says:
So much helpful and heartfelt sharing in regards to Shaun’s post!
As a “retired” home educator of 4 sons and 1 daughter (3 through college now, 1 half way there and 1 will be a freshman this year) may I just encourage parents to pray before you make any decision/change in regards to your children’s education. As someone said earlier, you really must consider the child, the season, the options and each year and bathe it all in prayer!!!
God will guide, guard and govern as we seek His Word and Will:)
Blessings,
KSB
Jan J. says:
Beautiful post! I am a single adoptive mom who found a career I could do from home so I could be a full-time mom. People kept telling me I couldn’t raise a baby properly and work but we did just fine. At 5 I took her to a K5 class at a popular Christian school and it was so dry, and they sat at a table all day except for two 15 minute recesses. I could not leave a child who had grown up in the woods every day, who I cuddled and read to all day in that place. We went home and never looked back.
When she was 6-1/2 I adopted her 6-3/4-yo sister from China, who has significant birth defects in her hands, who had no idea how to comfortably be in a family. I WANTED to send her to school! She hated me and I wasn’t too fond of her, though she was my daughter and I would have died for her if need be. The kids who let out of a nearby school onto the playground we played on teased her mercilessly and I could not subject her to that.
So we struggled on and in time it clicked and we all melded together, and now they will both be entering high school in a couple of weeks – homeschool high school! Aside from the second one’s year or so in a school in China, they have been always homeschooled, and for now that is how we will keep it, which is their desire as well. The schools here in a very overcrowded area are not a place I would want my kids to go, most specifically because even though I trust them I do not want them to have to deal _all day_ with what other kids I know have gone through. My youngest actually told me just the other day she did not know if she could stand up for her beliefs at school or even church because she just wants other girls to like her and she would want to fit in.
I still think it is important that she get exposed to all kinds of people and our number one rule is that we are not better than anyone else because we are Christians or homeschoolers. But it is a long day to be influenced by others and kids tend to believe their teachers. I do not want complete strangers indoctrinating my kids.
I think I will send them out closer to adulthood to face the temptations of the world and to be a light, hopefully. They sure are a light to me, and I have treasured talking with them and exploring with them and cooking with them all through every day, even when I am very tired from running in and out to do my medical transcription.
At this point they plan and study on their own with no nagging. They are so responsible and capable.
But because I work they don’t get enough time with other kids. Nothing is perfect, but I believe homeschool gives them a better chance, and if I can do it anyone can! They make A’s and B’s with some solid Christian curriculum and the love having time to pursue their interests.
Sorry to ramble! I hope your daughter does well in her new environment. Each child and school are different and you can always take them out if it isn’t working!
Valerie says:
Thank you for this post! As, all around us, school starts today, this is a wonderful reminder of why we have chosen to homeschool our daughter instead of putting her on the bus. This may also be a useful post in helping us explain our reasons to our family who strongly disagree with our decision.
Kathryn says:
I homeschool because I live in Africa and I don’t have a choice, but I often wonder what I would do in the States because I really enjoy the time I get to spend with my kids.
When we come back to America for a 6-month break next year, I want to put them in public school for a semester. And I’m going to ask permission to copy your words to my children, “Youโll be the kind of (people) that make(s) it a better place to be. And you have definitely become (those) kind of (people).โ
Thanks for having the vision to raise godly children in this world. I feel confident your daughter will be a light to her whole classroom.
Stephanie says:
Shaun –
This is eloquently stated. Absolutely beautiful.
We just started homeschooling our oldest daughter (age 5) this year…for these very reasons.
Thanks for putting your experience into words.
P.S. I shared this post on Facebook and Twitter.
Stephanie says:
Do you mind if I ask what curriculum(s) you’ve used and which ones you would recommend?