Shaun Groves
I became a Christian when I was twelve. Shortly after that I met RJ Holt. He was a college student sacking groceries at the store across the street from my house. He hung out with middle schoolers at our church on Wednesday and Sunday nights. And on Tuesdays, I think it was, I rode my bike across town after school to talk with RJ about how to read the bible and pray and be more like Jesus.
RJ moved away and became a youth minister in California. Steve Dement took over his job. Not as night stock boy but as teacher and friend. Steve was an attorney in his late thirties, a single guy living alone – plenty of space for me and thirteen friends to hang out in on Sunday nights after church. We read the bible, rehashed the past week, ate pizza and talked about girls and parents and school. And always Jesus.
At college I worked for Louie Giglio for a short time, running sound for a weekly bible study he taught on Baylor’s campus, and watching him and his team of leaders prepare for each gathering, deal with conflict, pray, plan. Louie was teaching me more by example behind the scenes than by words spoken on stage.
Once we moved to Nashville, Greg Hodge took the baton. He was a songwriter and drummer who, along with his wife, mentored young married couples in our church. Funniest man I’ve ever known. And he has an encyclopedic knowledge of history and theology too. Greg taught me to think by disagreeing with me constantly, always asking the next question when I arrived at an answer – he humbled me.
Greg moved away to pastor a church and Billy Patterson filled his shoes. He was our missions pastor and it was Billy who showed me for the first time that “God so loved the world.” But more than the how’s and why’s of global evangelism, Billy taught me – and showed me – how to “abide” in Christ, how to relate to God, to live with God all day long.
Billy moved off to Rome and then on to Manhattan to teach others as he’d taught me. Then Diane came along shortly after that. The men before her had offered to teach me. But I pursued Diane – in tears, my mind malfunctioning, my faith in tatters, at the end of my rope. She showed me and taught me about love, a thing I’d lost sight of in all the knowledge gathering over recent years. She taught me that I was loved and why. And she taught me how to fight what can’t be seen.
All of these people have worked together, one on top of the other, to help me understand who I am as a “new creation”. They slowly, incrementally, showed me how God works in us so that we may think, believe, feel and behave more and more like Jesus over time.
This is discipleship.
Religion courses. Seminary. Bible studies. Conferences. Books. Sunday school classes. Church services. All great! But in my own life, the discipleship that has been most beneficial has been highly relational, one-on-three at the most, going at our own pace together, asking questions, flipping through pages, praying, together.
Through the years this is the sort of teaching I’ve enjoyed doing most too. This week I started meeting with a couple guys, in fact. We’ll sit down once each week for what will probably be ten weeks, at least. Then their next step will be to pass on what they learn to someone else. I’ll meet with them when they do that as well, to teach them how to teach, to encourage them along the way. Then the men they teach will teach someone else, and on and on.
That’s one form of discipleship.
A few questions for you then…
Have you been discipled?
How have you been discipled?
What’s worked and what hasn’t?
Have you passed on what you’ve received by discipling someone else?
If not, what do you think has kept you from doing that?
MainlineMom aka Sarah says:
That’s a LOT of questions! I’ve been discipled by a number of people over the years. I don’t even remember all their names. Thanks to Facebook I’m back in touch with my youth pastor who helped me grow through high school. Two people who discipled me most in the past decade both just passed away from breast cancer. I probably learned the most just watching them battle and face death.
One thing that worked was meeting weekly with a woman and going through a small book my pastor’s wife wrote called New Creation. It was great. What hasn’t worked was being purposefully paired with someone I did not know.
I have tried to pass on what I’ve learned to various women and to my husband as well. Right now I’m trying to be intentional about discipling my best friend who is young in her faith.
Krissy says:
(1, 2 and 3) I have been discipled in terms of having a lot of help learning how to think about various things–and much (almost all) of this has been through online sermons and books. It certainly is not all that an actual, real relationship can be, but it has been invaluable to me. I have unfortunately not had (sane) people in my life who have been able to/have wanted to fill this role. I go to small groups, Bible studies, etc., but have not received the same kind of “food” there.
To a lesser extent, I have certainly been discipled by Christians in my life who set a great example for me in their approach to many things. So far, unfortunately, this has been a lesser influence on me than the online sermons and the books.
(4) I hope that I have passed at least some of this on to my children.
(5) What has held me back? My passion (and, I think, my gift) is teaching. But I am a woman who really is not a women’s group/women’s retreat/big-group-of-just-women anything type of woman. It’s just not my thing. It is not easy where I live to find a church that would allow me to live out my God-given passion of teaching in any other context than teaching kids (also not really my thing) or teaching only other women. So I wither.
Melissa Jones says:
People know me as one who is knowledgeable of Scripture….but I don’t know how effective I am in discipling anyone other than perhaps my kids (not that I’m downplaying that role in any way – in fact, I believe it to be one of my primary jobs at this point in our lives).
I do fine teaching someone from scratch, not because I brainwash them, necessarily, I just don’t have to fight through years of culture or disbelief or false teaching or compromise. But I lose patience when I tell someone what the Bible says, and they “rebut” with what culture, etc. says, like that’s a valid argument. The frustration that I feel when I come up against inconsistency or an illogical thought process makes it difficult for me to find my way out of what frequently becomes at best a debate (at worse an argument) without upsetting one or both parties.
I think I tend to become a “clanging cymbal” that people tune out, rather than learn from.
Having said all of that, I also can’t really think of too many folks in my life who have discipled me personally. When I was overseas, there was a couple who taught me a lot about the kingdom of God, and I’ve picked up things here and there from various people that I tend to “percolate” on for a while. I think a LOT of my way of thinking is due to early Gothard indoctrination, either through the seminar itself or through my parents teaching things they learned through Gothard seminars, but I know for a fact that I don’t agree with him on everything.
Melissa Jones says:
Also, if any of you more experienced moms out there are looking for a way to help out those of us who are still in the trenches of the preschool years, PLEASE look up your local MOPS group (www.mops.org – no they don’t pay me). We DESPERATELY need women we call “mentor moms” to walk alongside us and help us see that not only can we survive, but we can thrive and grow and be spit up on all at the same time! I can’t stress enough how much we need it! Not only is it Biblical (Titus 2:4, I believe), but it’s necessary! PLEASE be involved in our lives!
saravarghese says:
Actually, it’s sort of an embittering topic for me. I find myself in a foreign country in a church with a foreign to me language. So there is not much in the way of discipleship going on there- different culture too.
There are Americans in the vicinity, but military personnel don’t really dig in their roots, and there is more of a “I’ll do this for now” attitude, which is really easy to suss out by the one’s guarding their heart issues for the “worthy.” I’ve come to realize that’s just the way it is.
Starting to facilitate a Bible study this week with the military PWOC, but I feel empty, and I’m not sure if there is going to be a single thing to impart, but by the grace of God.
On an up note, because I realize this is sounding “woe is me,””I’m doomed.” I’m sustained. Like sips of water in a dry land, He sustains me. I can look back, though not from a very clear perspective right now, and honestly say, “God is with me.” Tired, discouraged, weary, weak, and whatever else, God has not abandoned me.
Mike Callan says:
I really enjoyed reading your article and testimony Shaun. I just wish I had been continually taught and encouraged along the way like you. I was also saved at the age of 12 and attended church and summer bible camps, but never really had a mentoring relationship with anyone it particular outside my family. It wasn’t until I met my wife and together we joined a great church with an awesome pastor. I learned a lot in that church and it helped me see that I needed a relationship with Jesus, and not just be satisfied with being saved. Since then, God has called me to write Christian lyrics and songs. It’s funny, up until a few years ago I had never written a lyric, played a guitar, or sang in public, and didn’t have the desire to do so. My wife often says, “if your mother could only see you now.” The point is, we all have different paths to take and all have different experiences, whether good or bad. My dad died when i was a young teenager and my mother made very little money. Yet her faith was strong. The same thing goes for my grandparents. They were strong people of faith and were my examples on how to live, treat and mentor others, and what a relationship with God really means. Well, enough rambling, i turned out great, my brothers turned out great, and my family and I continue to grow in the knowledge and the need for a close relationship with Jesus. I try to mentor those around me whenever i can, especially those in need. The end.
saravarghese says:
Here are lyrics to an awesome song, by Everybodyduck
I’m satisfied by Your love so completely
how could I thirst for the praises of man?
There’s nothing I need that You haven’t provided
and no one can offer me peace like You can
Jesus Your love is enough
sufficient for me
all I have needed You’ve given for free
Your love is enough
don’t need men’s applause
I know what I’m worth I remember the cross
I’m sustained oh Lord
when Your light surrounds me the world goes away
I’m sustained oh Lord
My heart knows Your love like it flows through my veins
Such peace and contentment I found in Your grace
I can’t think why i’ve ever complained
You love me, what more can i want?
I’m sustained
Christine says:
I was saved at age 31 while working as a public school teacher. A widowed teacher, Phyllis, led me to the Lord and discipled me by answering my hundreds of questions and doing a one-on-two Bible Study in Romans. I pursued her and she was more than willing, especially since being a widow brings loneliness. She continued to disciple me for two years, after which I got married. Since being married (12 years) only my husband has personally discipled me. He went to Bible College and gave his life to the Lord at age 7. I still have contact with Phyllis and I know she still prays for me (and for us). She now does frequent missions in Africa.
We had four children close together and that left no time for me to meet with other women. Also, I found that group Bible studies often get off track with talk and don’t help. Women home raising children face isolation; when they get together, they do need to talk, so I understand why it prevails.
Four years ago I began reading Titus 2 blogs and that helped mature me in the Lord, along with life experiences drawing me closer to Him. Although reading blogs is not one-on-one, I do think they are very helpful if the writer is willing to share real life experiences that helped draw her to the Lord. If she writes frequently about her personal relationship with the Lord, readers can glean much. The less helpful blogs are those written by reserved people who are too fearful to share real life. I do understand though, about privacy concerns. People can be hurt when too much is revealed online.
I write a Titus 2 blog. I am 45, writing to moms in their 30’s. I write anonymously for my children’s sakes; we don’t use real names. When they are old enough to give me permission to write about their lives and struggles, I will go back to real names. I do make myself available through e-mail.
70% of my posts are based on something God has revealed. Writing out the whispers of the Holy Spirit is invaluable to me, as well. It cements the learning and holds me accountable to my readers. I don’t like being a hypocrite, so if I write about reading your Bible more, I do it more myself.
Having the gift of exhortation makes it easier to disciple others, though I think the Lord can equip anyone when the opportunity arrives to help a new believer. We can’t expect people to grow in Christ without discipleship. It is definitely the key element, and it’s part of the command to love each other.
You’re a busy family man and I think God will bless your commitment to discipleship. It also teaches your children the importance of reaching out to fellow believers. I will pray for balance for you in everything you’ve got going on there.
nancytyler says:
You said discipleship and my heart skipped a beat!
I prayed for Jesus to save me when I was four years old, curled up alone on the back seat floor of a 69 Chevy and earnestly grew in my early faith through my church’s Sunday school system. But I didn’t experience formal discipling until college, when I got connected with a neighboring college’s Navigators ministry (via the cute boy who would become my husband.) The head of that ministry discipled me for a few years. The “cute boy” tried at first, but he was newer in his faith than I was and I had a certain intensity about me. LOL
The Navigators are hardcore disciplemakers. I love the ministry deeply and support a number of friends through them as community, military, campus and international missionaries. I will probably always identify myself as a Nav. 🙂
As we were discipled as students, we were taught to practice evangelism, scripture memory, inductive Bible study, have a “quiet time,” and disciple others. It was rigorous, but such good discipline. In the particular group I was part of, there was not as much focus on love, relationship, mercy or the other aspects of the gentler side of sharing Christ and helping people grow. But God’s caught me up on those things as I’ve gotten older. 🙂
An excellent resource that we went through in Bible study, and which works great for one-on-one discipling is the Design for Discipleship series. http://www.navpress.com/series/SR1029/Design-for-Discipleship?page=all It’s very basic but very thorough, and is fill in the blank style. We were also taught to create “packages”–lessons assembled from scratch.
I discipled some women in the more formal way in and out of school for several years. These days, I’m much more informal about it, but very purposeful in how I invest in the lives of a number of people God’s brought into my life.
A verse that’s been a great guide for me in helping people grow is 1 Thessalonians 2:8:
“We loved you so much that we were delighted to share with you not only the gospel of God but our lives as well, because you had become so dear to us.”
That’s the total picture to me–it’s life transference filled with genuine love and knowledge, both.
I’d be glad to share more on what I’ve learned and what I’ve done wrong, as well as pass along some other tools and book titles if you’d like.
Tracy says:
First, thanks for reminding me of precious people in my spiritual life.
That being said, I think there is a difference in mentoring and discipleship. I think discipleship is a teaching of the Word and how to apply that to your life in a formal manner. Mentoring, is how to live life like Jesus and is done informally. Watching and living life with the mentor, going through the ups and downs of life.
I’ve had both in my life and I think I’ve learned equally from each situation. Jan Silvious and Pam Gillispie have just written a study on biblical mentoring. Now that I’ve seen this subject in a variety of forums, I need to do this study!
Kelli says:
I have been discipled and I am grateful for the lovely women who have stepped in and discipled me through each phase of life, from angsty high schooler, to college students with stars in her eyes, to a young married livin’ on love, to a new mom livin’ on no sleep. Each step of the way I’ve been blessed with women who cared enough to challenge me and see me come to a greater understanding of who God is.
Since we moved I’ve felt a little lost, but my husband and I have been regularly attending a class at a new church. It’s a class full of newly married couples and couples just starting their own families. We are THAT couple in this group. The couple that’s one step ahead.
I’m not entirely sure how it is that I became that person who is looked up to as more mature and older given the fact that I haven’t aged one day since 25, but whatever….
I’m praying for opportunities to step in and encourage and bless these new, sleep deprived Moms the way I was encouraged and blessed when I was in their shoes. It’s time I stepped up to the plate and did the discipling for awhile.
Annie says:
Are you reading my draft folder? I’m chronicling my discipleship experience & the gift of having had women pour their lives into mine.
I’ve been pulled under the wing of a compassionate youth pastor’s wife, a member of a formal spiritual formation group in college, worked through Ogden’s Discipleship workbook as a member and then a discipler, and had several informal discipleship relationships. I think the format needs to be fluid, but the heart of it is unchanging: we cannot pursue spiritual formation solo.
Marian says:
Where did you say Greg went? I want a Greg, too.
Great post. God gifted me a mentor 10 years ago and no matter where we lived, TN, SD, VA…we stayed in touch.
As a pastor’s wife, I have no one who pours into me other than God. I think, sometimes, that I am still so hungry to learn and to be discipled. Finally, after several years — I went back to school and am allowing textbooks and God pour on in.
But it can’t stay this way forever. I pray everyday that He’d send someone to fill this need.
Marian says:
That’s supposed to read: “I think, sometimes, older women and older men…or even married couples, forget that I am still hungry to learn and be discipled.”
Drinking more coffee now. 😉
Veretax says:
Good questions? HAve I been discipled? I’d say yes, but Initially not as much. I was to young for the Youth Group when I was saved, and while I had been raised in a bible believing church, the truth was I treated the bible like my boy scout hand book early in life. I looked in it when I had a question, and relied on what others had told me as gospel some what. (yeah that’s bad, but despite a sunday school teacher who I learned a lot from, and two very good Youth directors who really helped us grow as youths, the bible just seemed plain at the time to me. It wasn’t till I graduated was gifted a NKJV, and went to college, that I began to see it’s beauty. Got involved in real bible study with Intervarsity Christian Fellowship, as well as Campus Light Ministries on WVU’s campus that real discipleship began to happen. I grew like wildfire in College, so much I miss those days, but they set me up for what was to come. I even lead a bible study on my own at one point, for a semester, my last in the Dormitories.
What helped in Discipling? I agree with Shaun it was relations with other Christians. Fellowshiping, playing games, and generally growing together as we discussed the bible and God’s plan for our lives together. If it hadn’t been for that Fellowship aspect, I’m not sure I’d be where I am spiritually.
My wife and I took over Children’s church when a family moved on, and for a year we worked our best to try and better the program from where it was, and to really teach the kids, which had been somewhat lacking before I believe. I’m also focused on my two kids very closely.
However, I would admit that I feel there are gaps in my discipleship I’ve had to learn a lot the hard way I’d say. In the end though, I did get what I needed, even if it came later. Right now though things are a bit stagnant, and it was a rough year last year. Reviving that is sometimes like getting a push mower to start. Gotta keep pulling that cord though.
Kit says:
Great post! Discipleship is an important thing, I think something many of us crave but can’t always put our finger on it, as it is too often lacking and we misunderstand it. I’ve not experienced very good discipleship, though I’ve had plenty of times where people slapped that term on what they were doing and thought that made it good enough. It’s great to read encouraging stories like yours, about how it can and does happen and make such a difference! (and, I hope it is ok to say this, but I love your blog because you manage to squeeze such thought provoking stuff into a short space. It would’ve taken me or most other female “mom bloggers” twice as long to describe all that, ha ha! The world needs more male mom bloggers like you 🙂 Again, great post!)