As I’ve pointed out before, Becky and I each have our jobs in this family.  One of my jobs, as you know by now, is making all the cakes.

Actually, to clarify and possibly earn my man card back, I don’t bake the cakes.  I just frost them and put cute widdle princesses and candies and…oh, nevermind.

The cake thing works like this: I’m a little artsy (you might have noticed) and when Becky draws a horse it looks like a dog.  And when she draws a cow it also looks like a dog.  And a tiger?  Also a dog.  Considering Becky’s propensity toward rendering all living creatures as dogs, she assigned me to cake decorating years ago.  So, before a birthday party, usually the day before the birthday party, a kid will tell me what he/she wants on their cake.  And I take the day off to curse at frosting and make their wish come true.

I just wish they’d ask for a white rectangle with a candle on it.  They’re obviously not on board with the whole simplicity thing yet.

This time around, Penelope asked for a Candyland cake for her 4th birthday.

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The hard part was getting all the characters on the cake.  You’ve got your Princess Frostine.

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Mr. Mint, farming peppermints out in the snowy eastern portion of Candyland.

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The evil Lord Licorice.

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Lolly.

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King Kandy, who spells his name with K’s instead of C’s because he’s a racist alleged racist, was almost banned from the cake.  But he is in charge, and without him the kingdom of kandy candy would unhinge and sink into anarchy, so we decided not to leave him out due to a mere suspicion of bigotry.  But I did take his castle away.  Didn’t seem right that he have a palatial estate while the princess and company are left out in the elements.  I also left Gramma Nut off the cake because A) there was no room for her rotundness B) old people scare children and 3) cake with chocolate chips, gumdrops and lollipops equals yum, but cake with peanuts?  Not so much.

Then, to add a little cultural diversity and tick off King Kandy, we let the kids bust a pinata full of candy…

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…and then trample one another for the spoils.

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Because nothing says “Happy Birthday!” like a bruise and a couple band-aids.

Our house has an unusually large kitchen for its size and, man, was that handy.  23 kids came to party!  Plus 11 adults!  All hopped up on cake, candy and ice cream.  And whacking stuff with a stick.  Insane.  Next time, I say Becky does the cake and I manage the invite list.