Some parents worry about their kids grasping math or science. Some fret over their little angel’s reading abilities. I, on the other hand, was frightened this morning by how beautiful my oldest daughter is.
It’s Becky’s fault. She has a theory about beautiful people that I believe is true even if it is judgmental. Let’s call it the Judgmental Theory About Beautiful People.
Here it is: The prettier you are growing up, the less personality and general likability you have as an adult. This, Becky reasons, might be because while we normal-to-ugly looking kids had to develop actual personalities as young’ns in order to gain the acceptance of our peers, the beautiful people just had to show up and be, well, beautiful. This is because all kids are shallow. We naturally worship the beautiful kids. Especially if we’re not beautiful kids. Sorry, beautiful-kids-who-are-now-uninteresting-adults. Sorry we liked you so much.*
For the visual learners in the group: A graph.
As you can see, the dorky kids have an obvious upper hand as adults. We learned how to deflect shame with humor, to do battle with words and ideas because we lacked pectoral muscles. We had to get good grades or paint or sing or develop an encyclopedic knowledge of eighties movie quotes in order to salvage our self-esteem. We had to become skilled in the art of shmoozing persuasion. And today we are grateful for it. So is it wrong that I truly hope my oldest daughter wears a head gear? Soon?
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Possible exceptions to the Judgmental Theory About Beautiful People include Brant Hansen, Pete Wilson and Anne Jackson – all, more than likely, quite attractive as adolescents and yet very interesting people today who, obviously then, must have sold a portion of their soul to the devil.
Have you thought about submitting that graphic to the people at Indexed?
Oh, a relatively sound theory, except it doesn’t account for the unattractive people with no social skills – e.g. engineers (or myself).
Interesting theory for sure.
So are you saying I was an ugly kid or a boring person?!?!
I totally get your theory. The Graph helped. But why is it that we all(the more personality inclined ones) aspired to be the easily beautiful? Did we subliminally know we’d be the cool cats later in life?
Fantastic theory, with a very helpful graph. This is one of my favorites of your posts.
And, you know, it’s kinda hopeful, really. That’s to say that there’s a chance even for ugly kids to be well-liked. Do you think celebrities are exceptions to this principle, or do you believe that many celebrities were ugly kids?
Well, my hideosity of years past and wildly popular blog of today would seem to validate the theory…
Oh, I’ve got A LOT of personality. Here’s proof.
Oh. And Facebook is TOTAL CONFIRMATION of your theory.
I’ll have to agree with Beth Moore, you are stupid. (well it that lovin’ Jesus crazy good way) ha
We were at the Travis Cottrell concert at Woodstock Sunday and it was awesome! You were especially fun while taping our fake laughs…I was the one fake snorting for good sound effects..I’m sure the sound guy loved it! Anyway, just wanted to let you know my daughter and I sponsered a boy from India and we can’t wait to get to know him!
Anyhoo, this post is especially hilarious!!! I was a chubby kid from the projects growing up so I grew up with tons of CHARACTER…yeah something every kid dreams of when standing alone at the school dance…*sniff, sniff*
So, yes, this post is true. Here’s hoping your beautiful daughter doesn’t grow up to be stupid (well in that dense kinda way) ha
Glad I found your blog! Sorry for the EPIC comment I’ve left!
Hahahahahahaha.
Remind me to show you my year book pictures sometime.
That’s hilarious. And it only takes Facebook to prove it.
Signed, the Vice-President of Future Homemakers of America of Owasso High School 1991-1992 (that won the guys over, don’t you know?)
I love it, especially the visual. I suppose I have my overweight figure and membership in every high school club with the word “honor” in the title to thank for my keen wit and sparkling personality.
This explains a LOT. Your wife is brilliant. So funny!
Every single thing about that graph – EVERY SINGLE THING – makes me want to clap my hands and squeal.
Stinkin’ brilliant.
My brace-face clarinet-wielding marching band years would place me in the right-most portion of that graph, no doubt. But I think it was being thrust headlong into the vortex of dead air known as college radio with a few berating “friends” that truly developed my tepid yet lightening-quick wit – and the advent of Teh Intarweb that boosted my madd writing skillz to the very peak of adolescent drivel they are today.
What about all the kids with no good looks who instead of trying harder to come up with a likable personality, retreat into their houses and into their schoolwork? I think the theory should be modified to read, that for those who want to gain social acceptance in society…. [insert theory here]
I have four kids and while it’s too soon to call it on the younger two, the older two are distinctly different- the oldest has no desire to be cool or well liked by many. He’s happy with a few good friends, a few good books, and his Nintendo. The second oldest, OTOH desperately seeks to be well liked and it seems to be something he’s willing to sacrifice many other things for. I’m more worried about the latter!
This is the absolute truth. The only person(s) or people that would challenge or disagree with it are … beautiful!
Thank you…I think.
I agree totally and will henseforth be preaching this as “truth”
got here by way of pete wilsons tweet.
k. so my kids went through an awkward stage where they developed great personalities. survival of the fittest, i guess.
now…they are both pretty cute and have maintained their good personalities. but, theyre still kids.
are they gonna get ugly again?
crap. cuz that was a flippin terrible stage!
Brilliant. Completely brilliant. I agree 100% and just pray your theory continues to ring true the older I get.
I must be absolutely loaded with personality then; not to mention wit, charm, and charisma, ‘cause I’m stinkin’ ugly. Yep. Becky’s brilliant. There are exceptions obviously, look at Becky!
Beth
Wow… My thoughts exactly. Thank you for penning them so brilliantly.
I suffered a severe ugly-phase from about 3-8 grade. All the while wearing a head gear. It was brutal and my folks were concerned. But like your theory states, people like me… us, develop insanely, envy-worthy personalities that get us places. People remember us not becasue of what we looked like but because of what we said. And that, I believe, has the greater, lasting impact.
At least that’s what I tell myself.
Now I understand.