Today I’m 35. Noah was promised 70 years so that means I’m exactly middle aged…So says my (older) wife the theologian this morning.
A much younger me once thought of middle age as some sort of switch, like you go to bed able to tie your own shoes and wipe yourself and you wake up middle aged and in need of a little assistance. Turns out the first morning of 35 is a lot like the last morning of 34. I’m still tying my own shoes and I’ve gone potty with no help whatsoever. It’s just the number that’s changed. (That and I now say and type the word “potty” without flinching.)
I woke up middle-aged this morning and Becky still loved me. And for reasons I’ve never understood, she still thought I was hot. We laid in bed talking and laughing for a while, listening to a CD she made me of the worst versions of “Happy Birthday” she could find. Then I got dressed. All by myself. Then, also, I went potty. All by myself.
Then I took my (older) sister – in town for Christmas – to meet the Cuban Assassin. And I kicked 35’s butt with a very large number of push-ups and crunches.
And now I’m blogging. I can see the screen as well as I could yesterday. The words are just as difficult to find with all the noise swirling around me in this house. And it’s just as weird to me as always that I have anything left to say and anyone left to say it to.
Yep, the first day of middle-age feels exactly like yesterday, except with cake and a little more gratitude than usual for such a great life.
I’d like a gift from you now. Well, from those of you older than I am (Nancy, Beth, Brian, Cristy, I could go on and on and on). Dispense some wisdom to me will ya? If you could tell the younger 35 you one thing (or twenty) what would you say? What do you wish the younger you knew at my age?
I’m listening, O wise (older) ones.
Step back and let God do the things only He can do–such as raising children, solving problems, revealing Himself, blessing those we love. I spent too many years either priding myself on making good choices or berating myself when I did something wrong. It’s not about us; it’s ALL about Him.
Happy birthday. That is all I can say, as I am still 30 and will be asking you for advice in 4.33 years.
My poet mentor (Steve Scafidi–check out his Sparks From a Nine Pound Hammer book from LSU Press or google him/read some poems online) wrote something like this (more eloquently, though) in a poem:
“35 is when you’re old enough to really understand that you’re both living and dying.”
My addition: Of course, the knowing you’re dying part really is the paradigm shift for changing the living part. Our days are numbered as the cliche goes, so why not live them with purpose, & just with some plain ol’ GUSTO?
You & your family are doing this gusto living beautifully with your child sponsorship & “downsizing” your home & life. We have done similar things…we homeschool & have no cable & sponsor &…it’s not enough….but it’s a little Christ-inspired LIVING with GUSTO.
You’re an inspiration, too. Happy Birthday! Blessings, Lana (& Tom, Alex, Kate & Thomas)
I’m not much help. I’ve been 35 for 31 days now and woke up thinking, “Okay, so what’s the big deal again?”
I guess we’re just that much closer to 40 now, but you know, I’m not afraid of 40 anymore than I was afraid of 30.
Life, it’s not getting any easier, but the understanding of it maybe is. Maybe.
Happy Birthday!
Happy Birthday Shaun! I may be older, but I consider you to be the wise one. I wouldn’t advise you to change a thing. But thanks for calling me out on the age thing…
Don’t sneeze when your bladder is full.
Happy Birthday!
I think that someone is going to be in a bit of trouble the next time he meets up with Nancy, Cristy, or Beth. (disclaimer: I am not calling Nancy, Cristy, or Beth middle aged or calling out their ages.)
You are as young as feel. If you allow a date on the calendar to define how you feel, you are in trouble.
Happy Birthday Shaun!
Thomas
1. Not every friendship will last. Few will stay the same. Allow your friends grace if they fail you, the potential to surprise you, the room to change, the freedom not to be as close as you both once were if their or your situation changes, and if it’s possible, leave an open door for them to return.
2. Trim the drama-generators from your life as much as possible–situations or people. At the very least don’t let dramatic friends’ crises of the moment become your every mission to fix. They’ll move on to the next thing and leave you to clean up.
3. Take better care of your teeth; they’re expensive to fix (if you don’t happen to have a friend who does them for free. a-hem) and toothaches aren’t fun.
4. Don’t sleep on your face. Two words: EYE WRINKLES. The best cure for eye wrinkes? One word: PHOTOSHOP.
5. Don’t live with something broken when in the long run, your life will be better with it fixed. It’s also cheaper to fix now than to wait til later.
6. Develop friendships with people who are not your race, your religion, your political persuasion, your nationality, or your sexual orientation. Friends come in lots of different wrappers and everybody’s life is richer when we reach across cultures.
7. Cultivate a lifestyle of prayer so it’s as natural as breathing in and breathing out.
8. Deliver more than promised.
9. Value people over things and over schedules.
10. Write something every day.
11. Say please and thank you. Don’t take things for granted. Ever.
12. Check your posture every so often as you walk by a plate glass window. Note if you are waddling or slumping and stop it!
13. As you learn things, write them down and pay attention to them so life will be more efficient and effective.
14. Make sure you always have friends and/or close coworkers in their early 20s who are single. You’ll always stay up on the latest music, technology, culture and language that way. Put them out to pasture gently when they hit about 28 or when they marry.
15. Make sure you always have friends in their 70s and 80s. Don’t talk down to them. Chances are, they’ve lived a harder life than you have and have a lot to teach. Never put them out to pasture.
16. At least once a year, re-evaluate what you’re doing and why–work, ministry, habits, financial commitments.
17. Make a to-do list and before you get to it, lop off one thing and save it for tomorrow’s list. Everything takes longer than you think it will but nothing gets done if you don’t have a clear vision of what you need to do.
18. Discipline yourself not to beat yourself up; the world does a good enough job of that for you.
19. Look for sunsets, pebbles, graffiti, wildflowers and open manholes. Everything has a peculiar beauty to it and is worth contemplating; some things are worth avoiding.
20. Be ready and open to creating new traditions to add to or replace old ones.
21. Forgive your parents for being human, make peace with them if you need to and dote on them if you can.
22. Rediscover the things you loved as a child; they’re part of the road map to who you’re supposed to be as an adult.
23. Love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength.
Happy Birthday!
I’m 53 (the opposite of 35) and we’ve never met but my advanced age means I can say what I want and you can’t hit me.
Uhhhhh. I would tell me this. Ron … you just think you are in control. You don’t control nutten. But you think, act, and feel like you do. But you don’t. So cut it out. Go ahead. Try turning the rain off. Just for 5 minutes. No? Okay. Turn the outside temperature up just one single degree? Can’t do it? Hmm. Then what makes you think you can protect everybody, provide for everybody, and convince everybody to do right? So just give it up. Let The Man be The Man. Lean into HIm and relax.
‘nuff said.
I read this post earlier but I had to go take my Geritol and have a short nap before I could respond.
I mean really, “little brother!” I’m only seldom mentioned in your blog, and when I am, it’s because I’m old! That’s OK. I’ll up my meds and take longer naps. I still love ya.
Wisdom I can pass on? I look to you for that usually, but I’ll give it a go.
Love hard and forgive easily.
Think before you speak.
Listen carefully.
Change when you can, but stand firm when you should. Do both with grace.
Follow up with friends, even if it’s been awhile; or they’re not your “BFF.” They still matter.
I’m not nearly as wise as Nancy (probably older though!) so I’ll stop there.
Love ya Shaun! Hope you had a great birthday.
Beth
As someone who turned 40 this year, I can tell you that you will still be able to get yourself to the potty in five years and hopefully still be able to bend to tie your shoes.
But the type of shoe and the cost becomes much more important…Back issues start when you wear cheap shoes.
And I hate that, because I used to love a cheap shoe.
I also think the other advice you got was incredible.
happy birthday!
I have no advice, as I just turned 30 last week. But I appreciate your perspective on turning a “landmark” age. I’ve been dreading 30 for the last year – great way to spend 365 days, right? And whaddya know, but I was the same person – for better or worse – on December 18, 2008, as I was the day before.
I appreciate your blog a lot – the humor and the heart. Thanks for sharing your world, and happy birthday!
Happy B’Day, Shaun!
Happy Birthday Shaun!!
happy birthday, it is all downhill once you reach 40 (so I’m told), so you still have a few years left
Wow, I’m blown away by Nancy’s list . . . some of those brought tears to my eyes. I’m 52, and when I was 35 my path crossed with a 50 something gentleman who said that the older he got, the more he realized how little he knew. He was a godly man who God used in some pretty cool ways. Now, I’m walking in those shoes . . . my only advice is to spend your life figuring out how best to love God and love your neighbor. We don’t figure it all out, but along the way we can bless alot of people. Blessings to you on your bday!
Happy Birthday,
Froma a 50 year old,,,,
Work less, Pray more.
I’m not older, so I’ll just say Happy B-day!! Hope it is a great and memorable one!
Well, I’m younger (ha ha HA!), so all I have to say is: If 35 turns out to be as much fun as 30, bring it on!
Happy birthday!
More Love, Less Judgment…that’s what I noticed between my younger self and my older self. And I like it that way.
I am a little older (38). The weird thing is to think about my teenagers, it seems like a couple of weeks ago I could hold them like a football. Now they are almost as tall as me. Don’t let anything or anyone rob you of your time with your wife and children (including ministry). People will suck the life right out of you, if you are not careful. Remember: God first. Family second. Ministry third. I’ve seen many put ministry before family, and it is usually not pretty.
Give more, learn to live on less.
I am a youth pastor, so I am usually out there playing games with the teens. My brain thinks that I am 17, but my body always reminds me the next morning my true age.
grace and peace,
brian
downpour-me.blogspot
Happy Birthday!
35 is YOUNG still. I am in awe that you have such a mature outlook and accomplish so much at what I consdier to be a young age.
Really, the first that you should end up feeling by way of age is when you hit about 42 and can’t read the fine print without a pair of reading glasses. Till then, all ages should feel about the same.
I speak from experience – I am 62 and went white water rafting on my 40th birthday. Nowadays I think “middle aged” is 45 to 65.
Also, I think the ages of your kids tends to dictate how “old” you feel. When they start adolescence, then you will feel middle aged!
I didn’t realize that 35 was a landmark age … really? I hit a landmark at 39(40 was fine) but the one thing I’d tell my 35 year old self is this:
“Life is Good.”
it’s simple, but important
Play with your kids more and don’t worry about the grass you want to grow in the yard. You’re raising kids not grass.
I’m only a bit older, but here’s what I’ve discovered: I used to be the party girl and get drunk and nobody could tell. Now, I don’t drink but everybody thinks I do cause I’m still the life of the party! Not sure if that’s a flattering description or not?! Oh well, Happy Birthday Shaun!
Since I’m 19 days older than you, I feel like I can impart this wisdom on you:
Don’t sweat the small stuff
Everything is small stuff.
Really, don’t take yourself so seriously (although, I don’t think you have that prob).
And lastly, It is better to obey than to sacrifice.
You’re welcome.
I hear 35 is the new 20.
But what do I know? I’m 45. I won’t give any advice, since that’s why I come here, you’re already way wiser than me. But I loved reading the advice you got and found it all to be true in my experience.
Hope you had a great day.
Shelley
Can I get back to you in 5 months when I join the 35yr old crew?
Hello and Happy Birthday! I loved Nancy’s list-think I will print it out to remember and hopefully not repeat too much of her list. I am 51 but like to think of myself as much younger! Maybe that is the first piece of advice:
-It is true-you are as young as you feel-learn from your experiences but don’t get stuck thinking you have to be a certain way just because you are older.
-Love is the most important thing.
-Don’t feel guilty every time your kids are not perfect angels-particularly when they are teenagers.
-Consider you might live longer than 70-how about 100?
-Tell your wife and kids you love them-often.
-People are always more important than things, the latest project, etc.. just from hearing your testimony-I think you’ve got that one.
-Look forward to every day and live as much as possible in the present.
-Keep a pet around-it will help when the kids are teenagers!
-Don’t take your frustrations over circumstances out on people. (Particularly airline people who tell you the flight is cancelled / delayed / your luggage is lost. This one is for my husband and all his buddies at ASA and DELTA.)
But above all love, be patient and kind.
Each year of life is like a great book – each chapter just gets better and better!
Though I know there are probably thousands of people that share my birthday, it’s always fun to find another. I turned 28 on the 27th. Thank you for sharing your heart, thoughts, humor, and music with the world. I greatly enjoy them.
I really enjoyed reading Nancy’s list as well. Thanks Nancy
I think something we could all use a reminder of from time-to-time is, THE LORD IS SOVEREIGN.
Happy Birthday.
wow. . happy belated birthday!!! I’ve enjoyed your post, first of all. I’ve also enjoyed reading the many comments, which are chock full of a great quality of wisdom. I’m 46 now. Last year, on birthday #45, i considered myself to be officially ‘middle aged’. I like my estimate better!! *and Pam and SwtMelis’s. Pam’s also right about the ‘middle aged focus’ thing with your eyes! My optometrist told me 42 was the ‘magic age’ for it and he was annoyingly right.*
I’ve learned a lot, and unlearned and relearned enough to make me dizzy. Its not enough to know, you have to do. Pick your battles. When your kids are all adults you will breathe a friggin’ huge sigh of RELIEF!! Look forward to grandkids. . they are AWESOME. Keep your marriage top priority – when the kids are gone and you have an empty nest you will be glad you did.