Shaun Groves
People who give me life: My wife. Brian and Amy. Ben. Redneck Neighbor. Sophie. Tracy. Jim Gaffigan. Wess.
People who take life from me: The guy with the endless need for affirmation. The gossip. The lady looking for a fight. The guy with nothing good to say. The girl who forwards me Republican propaganda. The guy who forwards me Democratic propaganda. The addict. The outloud incessant worrier. The grown man who’s still mad at his mommy. The perpetually depressed. The comma-deficient. The abuser. The anonymous. The rock star. The…there are a lot of these. They’re easy to list aren’t they? And listing them, focussing on them and not the folks in the first group, is a sure way to become a miserable life-taking person myself.
It’s time to stop keeping that list.
Nancy Tyler says:
I see lists like these and think “Gee, I wonder which category I’ve been assigned to.” Hard to choose. My imperfections allow me to fit into so many.
anne jackson says:
i will let this comment be as honest as your post and ask for grace as such.
(and no, i am not looking for a fight).
but earlier, to ask people with addiction to send you stories of addiction and then later to say they suck the life out of you is just plain wrong.
Shaun Groves says:
Anne, it is not unkind for me to say that dealing with problems (mine and anyone else’s) is exhausting, life draining work. It is not untrue either. Some circumstances and people – while loved – take more from us than others. Anyone who has loved an unrepentant addict (regardless of the addiction) would not say the experience left them feeling energized at the end of the day, contentment and happiness filling them to the brim. No. It’s exhausting – mentally, spiritually exhausting.
Does that make more sense? If so, how can I reword this post to make my intentions clearer and less offensive?
thecachinnator says:
I’m not going to lie… when I read “comma-deficient” it registered as “coma-deficient.” And I thought, “Isn’t that a good thing? What’s with Groves and the comatose?”
Yeah… so… it’s Friday. Brain has been out all week anyway.
Linda Sue says:
Thank you Anne because I kind of got a hit off that comment also – having written about my addiction at his request. On the other hand I am often comma deficient (perhaps a touch coma tose ?)primarily I like dashes – you may not have noticed – but dashes I like –
I don’t look for injury from Shaun so I don’t believe he wrote that about addicts in regards to all of us who wrote to him – but he wrote about the addicts who are in his own personal life and I am not – one of those.
OK I’m wearing out the dash thing. If I misread any of this please let me know – the bullet point I got was – some people in your life give meaning to your life, others just give static.
Grovesfan says:
I agree with you Nancy except that I’m pretty sure which of Shaun’s lists I fall under. That’s OK. I’ll jiust up my meds.
Beth
Llama Momma says:
Ouch.
I get what you’re saying here, but it’s really hard to see yourself on that list. The life sucking one.
anne jackson says:
shaun & everyone here – i’m sorry for posting those words, first in defensive anger and secondly publicly without talking to shaun about them first. that was wrong in so many ways. i’m sorry.
Cristy says:
Anne, I don’t feel like you were wrong to post those words…you said what others might have thought, and they might have ended up offended without saying anything, especially in light of the recent post requesting stories of addiction. You gave Shaun the opportunity to clarify his post. Your comment didn’t sound like a personal attack, atleast in my opinion.
Nancy and Beth, I found myself thinking about which categories I might fit into myself.
Genny says:
I’m popping over here from Shannon’s blog, Rocks in My Dryer. I’ve recently read some of her Compassion trip stories, and she mentioned that you were on the team she went with. I’ve had your Invitation to Eavesdrop CD for years, and my seven and nine year old love to sing the song, “Should I Tell Them”…so I had to stop by and say hi. There have been many times that song has given me the courage and motivation to share my faith. Thank you!
Shaun Groves says:
Sorry for all the confusion today, guys…um, gals. That’s what I get for posting both far too honestly and in the wee hours of the morning.
No problem, Anne. Thanks for the phone call today.
Genny, thank you for the kind words and for stopping by to type them. Welcome.
Pat says:
I believe you are right, Shaun. It’s time to stop making those lists. I believe we will always have the poor in spirit with us just as we will always have the economically poor with us. Perhaps we need to make lists of how we can be a blessing to their lives.
Grovesfan says:
Shaun,
Thanks for being so honest with us. I don’t think you went too far. It’s easy for all of us to forget sometimes (especially me!) that all of us have struggles, hard times, hurting times, “demons,” etc. that weigh us down and rob us of the joy we otherwise claim in Christ.
Not to say that He isn’t always present, because He is; but sometimes those struggles can keep us from experiencing that joy as God intended.
I know I joked here previously about knowing which of your two lists I fell into, but it wasn’t intended to make you feel guilty or anything.
I am so thankful for the friendship that we share and that we can banter back and forth quite easily without the fear of damaging that friendship.
Thanks for being honest and for being you. I personally wouldn’t change a thing (except maybe your aversion to cold places
).
Beth