“After tonight I never want to act again,” Gabriella announced.  I get that.

imageThe first time I “acted” I had one line to deliver in the theologically dense musical Down By The Creekbank – you know, by the ole holler log.  I stood frozen behind the microphone, staring into the choir director’s eyes with all the intensity of a drowning man surrounded by malnourished sharks and wearing bacon underwear.  She mouthed the line to me – something about Paul and Silas having a sing along in jail, I don’t remember – and I repeated it monotone into the microphone, took one step back, unclenched my butt cheeks and promised God I would never again “act.” Ever.

Then I tried out for the Wizard of Oz in the 10th grade, much to the surprise of my mother who forced an unconvincing grin and shook her head slowly when I told her about the big audition coming up.  Do you remember the Creekbank incident, boy??, she must have been holding back.

I did remember but I was in love lust with Shannon that week.  Shannon was an actress.  An actress trying out for the part of Dorothy.  I auditioned for the part of scarecrow.  Well, actually, I impersonated Andrew Dice Clay impersonating the scarecrow in the original motion picture version of the Wizard of Oz.  It was very avant garde, in an incredibly sucky skip-school-the-next-day-and-return-as-Sven-the-Danish-foreign-exchange-student-who’s-never-auditioned-for-a-play-before sort of way. And I once again promised God I would never “act” again.  And I’ve kept that promise.

Tonight, Gabriella “acted” in The Jungle Book with a bunch of her weird friends.  And she did an incredible job.  Not just at acting, but at remembering her lines, not looking as if she was clinching her butt cheeks (I taught her that), and standing in front of a room of strangers and family without falling apart.  She spoke clearly and confidently and recalled every word.  And that was the point: just to get through it with her composure in tact.  She was brilliant!  I’m very proud.

And if she makes any promises to never act again? I totally understand.

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