Boys have a penis and girls have a vagina.  But that’s not the only important difference between the sexes.

For starters, boys are retarded.  Mentally.

A five week old fetus is neither male nor female.  Then the genes in the fetus send out messages in the sixth week about gender.  If the message is a set of XY chromosome the blueprint for a boy is followed through the rest of the human-building process.  One of the first things to happen next in that process, to turn a sexless baby into a boy, is a massive bath of testosterone.  This powerful hormone floods the unborn kid’s body just as the brain is developing.  And, you guessed it, causes brain damage.  We’re retarded.

Don’t believe me?  Well, now days we can take pictures of the brain while it’s still in the skull working.  These pictures consistently show that a girl’s brain is more active while at rest than a boy’s brain is while solving a difficult problem. Want another example?  Brains are divided into two halves and these pictures prove that in a girl’s brain both halves talk to each other constantly.  In a boy’s brain?  They’re not on speaking terms.  We’re retarded.

Ever notice, ladies, how your husband or son zones out?  Scientists now think we’re going into “sleep mode.” Yea, it’s sad really.  Our brain’s can’t take a lot of talking, so we zone out, recharge and rejoin the conversation already in progress – nodding politely the whole time as if you won’t notice we’ve checked out.  We can’t help it.  We’re retarded.

Ever read statistics on the number of boys on Ritalin?  It’s staggering how many more boys are medicated than girls.  We don’t always need to be.  Retarded people like us have a hard time sitting still.  Scientists think we fidget and walk around and shift in our seats and bob our knees up and down not because we’re broken and in need of medication but because we’re retarded – we’re instinctively trying to keep ourselves moving, awake and out of “sleep mode.”

But not all boys are equally retarded.  Nope.  There’s one kind of boy who’s brain halves do a lot of talking, whose brain is lit up like a Christmas tree more than his peers.

Musicians.

Turns out we girly men artsy fartsy types are dang near gifted compared to our Neanderthal fellow XYers.  There’s a bridge between the two halves of the brain that thoughts travel back and forth across.  In most men the bridge is out.  But for some reason music making rebuilds the bridge, giving male musicians a greater degree of empathy, sensitivity, problem solving skills, spatial awareness, sensitivity to non-verbal communication, an increased ability to perceive patterns and make predictions about what’s coming next and a bunch of other super powers.

So, you know, it’s cool that you guys can hit stuff really hard with your body and throw a ball kinda hard but you’re still retarded.

And that’s why girls like rock stars.

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