For a few years now I’ve done no more than eight shows a month but toured year round. Bigger artists do big Fall and Spring tours, lots of cities packed into a little time, with almost no time for friends, church, neighbors, and family. Eight shows a month was a number Becky and I chose after doing far too many shows for far too long – it’s what she thought she could handle while juggling three kids, friendships, her duties as my business manager and her own sanity. And, truthfully, that number was easy not to blow past since the demand for my services dropped off in 2002 and kept falling. Eight was healthy, we decided.
Then I fell in love with Compassion International – we all did: Brian (who booked and road managed me and left me recently to work for Compassion), Becky (who writes our sponsor child religiously) and me. We sold our home and simplified our lives in part so we could make Compassion International a bigger part of our life. Of course, I thought that meant sponsoring more kids. I didn’t know it would mean touring at no cost to promoters to get more oportunities to speak for Compassion.
Free, it turns out, is quite the demand creating monster. We’ve been playing ten to twelve shows a month for many months now. We’re playing sixteen in September. And Becky’s fine. It’s me and the kids I’m worried about.
Gabriella is trying to grow up faster than I think is normal and as soon as I’m home she asks me to spend time with just her – she’s thirsty for a Dad I think. Gresham isn’t his usual well-behaved self when I’m out of town and when I get home he skips me when he needs something, looking right at me and then moving past me to ask his mother. Every morning I’m not home Penelope wakes up, wakes Becky up and asks, “Where’s Daddy?”
Now, all of this may mean nothing. Gabriella may have exceeded the recommended allowance of Hannah Montana. She may just really like me all of a sudden too. Gresham may have finally realized his mother is less strict than I am and decided to exploit that, to test his boundaries with her. He may also have realized I don’t know where the apple slicer is and decided to go to the woman who uses it most instead of wasting his time questioning me. Penelope may…well, Penelope just misses me and that may not mean I’m doing her any irreparable harm.
But the thing is, even if my kids weren’t showing signs of wear, I am. I’m stressed. I’m not writing well – words or music. I’m not returning e-mails as quickly as I need to. I’m falling behind on work. I’m missing my wife and kids but having to work when I get home because I’ve over-committed myself and made matters worse by becoming very disorganized. Something has to go, but I don’t know what. And if I don’t get a grip on these plates that are spinning then when this batch of shows ends at the end of November I can see myself saying I won’t do that much touring again.
I’m not complaining, by the way. I have the best job there may be. I love the people I work with and work for. I wake up excited about my job (unless it’s along car drive.) My work is good, great even. But too much of a good thing doesn’t feel so good. The trick is deciding where the bad feelings are coming from. Can getting organized relieve the pressure? Can backing out of some commitments do it? Can managing my time do it? Can touring less in the future do it? We’ll see.
What do you do when you’re feeling a little overwhelmed and stretched thin? Are you feeling that way right now?
Hey Shaun,
I go to Malone College in Canton. As I type this, you’re probably relaxing after your concert earlier tonight. Unfortunately, I was busy performing in a local playhouse, so I didn’t make it to the concert.
I reeeeeeally wanted to go and shout out “Flea Market Montgomery!” Your cover of that song has been stuck in my head for the last couple of days.
Anyway, I hope you had fun in Canton.
-Dan
Shaun,
Hey – I post here when I can … I’m a Worship Pastor and met you at the IndieHeaven.Com CIA Summit in Franklin earlier this year.
I know how you feel – only mine isn’t traveling so much as working my internet biz from home … I have my church job, my own music company, several websites, blogging, podcasting, and a web hosting company with hundreds and hundreds of customers ….
Until a couple of days ago …. I had to stop some plates … it was overbearing ,…. so God provided a buyer, and my hosting co. was acquired .. yeah!
So that’s what I had to do – I had to cut something .. and I cut what I knew I wasn’t going to be “good to great” at .. that book, “Good to Great” ruined me … web hosting wasn’t in my “Hedgehog Concept” anymore .. maybe it never was … so I got out while I could. Today, I feel 10 years younger and 100 pounds lighter as a result of it, and my wife is happy, too!
Praying for you to have the peace, wisdom, and discernment to make those decisions when they come.
For the Kingdom,
Fred McKinnon
I don’t typically handle getting overwhelmed all that well. Sometimes, I try escapism (blogging for me). Other times I try to tackle everything and work crazy hours (all night Friday to keep the weekend free). Everything tends to suffer when I try the brute force tackle it all method without taking other steps. It helps a lot if I keep a task list and am disciplined about updating it. Making monthly prayer dates with my wife has also helped her handle it better. A friend volunteered to watch our kids while we go to Eucharistic adoration, making that cheap as well.
If you find something that works for you, please, blog about it in detail when life slows down. It’s certainly an area I can improve in.
MB
Hey Shaun,
I go to Malone, where you played tonight. I know how you feel many times. I have been going through the same kind of thing lately. . . I’m also a musician, albeit not quite as successful as you are. (The audience of my most recent show consisted of my girlfriend, her family and a couple who was talking about what I imagined was how much better the guy last week was.) I also work at an upstart recording studio, go to school full time, and work pretty heavily as a leader in my church’s Jr. High. None of these things really pay much if at all. . . But it’s ok. . . I’ve got faith that God’ll provide enough for my needs.
On a practical note. . . I have found that organizing my time (however much I may hate taking away my “free-spiritedness”) does help me calm down and find peace more. Also, I find that personally the times I feel flustered are when I’m not relying enough on Abba. This might be a little weird, but focus a little on your kids and their faith and maybe God will show you something.
-Ben-
P.S. I was the guy who you met in the bathroom right before the show that kept standing there asking you all those awkward questions. It was a good show though. And, my girlfriend is for sure going to sponsor a child by the way. . . So it was not in vain.
Hearing this I guess I feel reallly honored I was able to hangout with you for a little bit last week. When I get like this I procrastinate, which by the way, in the end makes matters way worse. I cannot imagine the pressure you have. I dont have all that much.
Are you feeling that way right now?
Ummmm… yeah
I come at life like a hungry kid at the buffet table–piling up a dish full of so many good things that I end up having trouble cleaning my plate in the end.
Here are four things that I’ve been learning to come back from overwhelm and to keep myself from crashing again in the future:
1. Setting aside more time for praying, reading the Bible and journaling in the middle of the storm.
The more I try to be superwoman, the needier I realize I am for God’s strength and perspective. The less time I think I have to spend with Him, the more I need to do it.
2. Giving myself permission to say “no” or “later” when people need help with projects.
A large part of the ministry I’m doing these days is helping people with PR, writing, voiceover and career planning projects. This has been more of an evolution than a conscious decision. And when things evolve rather than being planned, there aren’t really systems for managing workload. People had come to expect that whenever they sent me something out of the blue to edit or rewrite or record, that I’d always be available to do it for them immediately. But I can’t do that anymore, so I’ve had to tell people “sorry, can’t help tonight. But I can Monday.” I love being asked to help and I’d never want to discourage people from asking. I just need to be the one who controls my schedule and rule over it rather than it ruling over me. I’m still learning how to do this.
3. Not burning the midnight oil. Sleep. Not going to bed when I’m
What do I do when stretched thin, you ask.
I try and remember to take comfort in God’s word, (not always easy when your feeling this way).
I especially like,
2Co 1:3 Blessed be God, even the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies, and the God of all comfort;
Our God is a God of all Comfort.
When other are feeling this way I recall the next vs. which tells me that this comfort is transferable.
2Co 1:4 Who comforteth us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort them which are in any trouble, by the comfort wherewith we ourselves are comforted of God.
Shaun, your words, (I may not always agree, but they inspire me to challenge my own thoughts) and your compassion both inspire and keep one out of the ruts on the side of the road. Thank you.
A brave post. Nothing like opening yourself up to suggestions from a few thousand people.
Shaun, there was one big reason I left the road: I was missing too much life of my children. There were plenty of other reasons, but I could have dealt with any of those, really. But I just couldn’t let any more growing-up time pass by.
So, I guess what I’m saying is…to me, everything you mentioned is negotiable except your kids. You can’t get another chance on that time. And you won’t ever, ever regret getting MORE time with your kids.
Just my two cents.
oops…my unfinished post got submitted instead of previewed. Here’s the rest of the post:
3. Not burning the midnight oil. Sleep. Not going to bed when I’m spent yields a shorter attention span, a shorter temper, a larger appetite for junk food, higher anxiety and poorer quality work from me.
4. Admitting my humanity.
Request a deadline extension. Take a break from or cut back on a regular though not required responsibility (though that’s hard for me because I keep thinking I can do it all). Or just say no flat out to a wonderful opportunity for the sake of my own sanity and health, even if it’s disappointing to me or someone else.
I’m still learning, but when I do them, these four things seem to help control my “I can do it all if it kills me and it just might” nature.
Breakdown and then email my good friends who pull me through.
Beth
I think it’s crazy how Jesus knew how much we do this to ourselves, how He told us to come away with Him. Since I started working in ministry full-time, there have been days where I’ve had to stop everything and be “irresponsible” to the world… and it was lovely.
Well, when I’m stretched thin, I usually end up crying… perhaps that’s because I’m a very emotional female though. Usually after a great deal of drying my eyes, I get back to the basics–back to reading and praying and letting off of the stress-inducing activities a little. Talk about it, let it out, organizing the little things can help a lot too. If all else fails, laugh… it seems to get my niece by ^_^
Anon
I’m stretched thin now too Shaun. My GM just resigned @ work, and I am now acting GM. Add to that a full time course load for Grad school, ministry responsibilities for the BSM, being dad to 3 great girls and husband to one fantastic woman (who is also stretched thin) and the result is getting in from work @ 3:30am, asleep @ 5, up by 9, pulpit supply @ 11am, interviewing @ work @ 2:30, family time with the inlaws until 9pm and now burning the midnight oil to prepare for class tomorrow. I think I might have to drop a plate.