I play a game with you.  It’s a “public relations” game I suppose I learned from being on a label…though I hate to place blame on anyone.  It’s entirely, honestly, my own fault, my own insecurity I guess that keeps me playing it.

The goal of the game is to create or, more accurate I think, to maintain a certain public perception.  The perception that has been created through various means is that my career is at a certain level of “success.” I maintain this perception by cropping photos so that empty seats are never visible.  I don’t blog about show attendance, only the number of kids sponsored through Compassion International at every concert.  We let promoters know we need them to get 300 adults to their show.  Mostly though, I just avoid questions.

“I can’t believe the crowd is so small tonight,” someone commented at the show last night.  “You must be used to a much bigger crowd eh?”

“I’m just glad to be anywhere playing for anybody,” I say.  And I mean it.  I really do.  But that’s not why I say it.  I say it to maintain the perception that playing to a crowd of 100 people is a rarity and not the norm.

It is the norm.  And there’s no shame in that.

There was a day, not long ago actually, when playing for 300-500 was usual.  And there was a day not long before that when 500-800 was routine.  And a day before that, very long ago, when I played to crowds of over a thousand regularly.  But those days are gone.  And I’m past being bothered by that and truly just glad to be playing anywhere for anybody.  So why keep playing the game?

Last night, after playing for 106 kind folks in the middle of cornfields just outside of Grand Rapids, some guys from a local radio station gathered around me and shot the breeze.  It didn’t take long for the question to come up again.  “Man, I expected the crowd to be bigger tonight.  What’s the deal?”

“Well, honestly, this is normal these days.”

“Really??  Why?” (Insert compliments here.)

“Um…uh…this is what happens when radio stations stop playing your music.  I’m not upset about that.  I mean, I wish I got played more.  More people would come to my shows and we’d save more kids, but..you know, they can’t play everybody and I wouldn’t want the job of figuring out who gets played and has packed out shows and who doesn’t and plays for 100 people.  It’s a tough job.  I’m glad to be playing anywhere for anybody.  But, yea, this is normal for us right now.  Part of this is working with new promoters more and more, people who don’t promote many shows but mostly it’s because I haven’t written anything new in a while and what I have recorded hasn’t been played on the radio.”

The truth feels good.  And bad.  But mostly good.

My name is Shaun Groves and I play music for a few people every night.  I’d love to play for more.  I’m not sure ow to make that happen.  But I’m glad to be playing anywhere for anybody right now.  And if I keep saying I hope it doesn’t scare away prospective promoters or fans.  That’s the risk I suppose of not playing the game.  Tomorrow I might photoshop myself in front of a Chris Tomlin sized crowd but today I’m riding the bench and OK with it.  Hope you are.

We board a plane shortly, headed to Alabama to play for 100 people and save 10-20 lives.  Life’s good.

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