At the risk of angering more commentors with my apparently unclassy sense of humor, I have to say I have officially rednecked myself out of Texas citizenship. We celebrated Penelope’s birthday this morning with breakfast at Cracker Barrel. Nothing says “I’m glad you lived another year” like shortening your loved one’s life with fried bacon and eggs, pancakes and french toast, a side of macaroni and a cup of Mellow Yellow. Followed by a round of candy canes and a vigorous game of Checkers…and a trip to parent hell: Toys R Us.
I’ve never heard “Can I have…” so many times in one hour, or changed so many diapers. What’s in hash-brown casserole that does that to a two year-old? Wow. We need to drop a yummy barrel or two of that stuff in the middle of Pakistan. Forty-five minutes later every member of Al Qaeda would stumble out of the hills doubled over in a mixture of pure bliss and nightmarish abdominal cramps. See? A non-violent (and totally edible) means of forcing total surrender.
The rest of the day is all about putting puzzles together, making a cake, returning some e-mails and restringing my guitar for the gig tonight in Nashville. While I do all that, tell me, what’s the strangest birthday you ever spent, or birthday present you ever received? (You have to beat a diaper full of hash-brown.)
I was 15 and got one gift…from my sister’s future in laws. It was one of those little picture holder thingys that you can stick like 5 wallet sized photos in…no it wasn’t a frame. I don’t know what you’d call it. But it had to be the worst birthday ever….Although there was that one time when I was turning 8 and was really struggling with the whole Am-I-really-retarded-like-all-the-kids-in-my-class-say-I-am because I have no math problem solving ability, I was worried about my mom because her neck was hurting from a car accident we’d been in a day ago, my dad was working so he wasn’t going to be at my birthday, and then when I opened my presents my mom had gotten me the Black horse toy instead of the Palomino horse toy I wanted and that was just THE last straw. I calmly went to my room and then just lost it. I cried A LOT, my mom thought it was the horse that I was all upset about but really I was just so stressed out I couldn’t handle it. So yeah that was a bad birthday.
I think the worst one had to be my 16th. I finally got the nerve up to ask a guy I really liked to come to my party. He spent the entire evening with another girl and barely said hello to me. “It’s my party, and I’ll cry if I want to” was that year’s theme song. Teenage boys can be so absolutely dense in matters of love and teenage girls are too dramatic (not me of course, but others
).
Beth
Worst birthday ever: I was turning 7 in two weeks. The party was planned, people were invited, the cake was ordered, and the presents were bought. Then a friend of mine decides (well, I guess it was her parents who decided) to come to school a little too soon after having the chicken pox. That’s right, the day before my birthday I broke out and couldn’t attend my own party. Everyone else did though, and I heard it was a lot of fun.
Cracker Barrell would be my DREAM place for a party!! If that makes me a redneck, then I’ll proudly admit to being one.
We have to drive about 30 minutes to get to a Cracker Barrell, so we usually only go to one when we’re on a road trip. I love their veggies (only ones that come close to my Granny’s) and their cornbread. I’m so hungry now….
My worst birthday was my 30th. I was already depressed, and then my mom made me wear an “I’m 30!” visor and took lots of pictures.
Me too, Susanne. Cracker Barrel might replace TexMex as my birthday meal of choice.
They made Penelope a huge Mickey Mouse shaped pancake with whipped cream on top and a candle. Impressive. And I think every employee in the place sang Happy Birthday to her too.
I spent my 30th at King’s Island riding roller coasters while chaperoning the church youth group. If there’s a way to feel young even on the big 30, that’s it. They bought me a pretzel and won a stuffed toy for me as gifts.
When I came home after that weekend, Caryolyn Arends had sent me a cassette of a David Wilcox tune called “Top of the Roller Coaster” (meaning it’s downhill from here…) I saved it a long time to send it back on her on her 30th.
Aw, common Shaun Groves! Playing at Belmont isn’t so bad. I’ll be there and I’m not a wanna be artist or anything like that. I won’t even think critically!
I know what you mean though…it’s true that no one likes playing in Nashville and I don’t blame them.
I got engaged on my 28th birthday, and I got pregnant on my 30th birthday. Not too bad, huh?
Taylor–my niece just got the chicken pox on her sixth birthday…I felt so bad for her!
I love Cracker Barrell and miss it…we don’t have one close to us here.
I LOVE Cracker Barrel. We don’t have one close to us either. We always go when we are visiting the grandparents though. It’s their favorite place too. It’s so unfair that you get Cracker Barrel AND Chic-Fil-A!
Beth
When I turned 16, I decided to help wash the dishes for my birthday dinner. First big mistake. I cut my hand on a broken glass and ended up in the ER. This was followed by my second big mistake: allowing my boyfriend to drive me there. He hated hopitals and kept passing out in the waiting room with me.
Your story made me laugh out loud. Thanks.
I have the strangest and worst birthday. One might think that might be Halloween, but it’s not- it’s April Fools Day. I always get gag gifts (carefully wrapped bricks and such)and prank phonecalls from dear caniving friends. However, the worst part is that NOBODY ever forgets my birthday, and I cannot, to save my life, remember the dates of anyone’s birthday besides my mother, sister, husband, most of children but not always. Sad, isn’t it?
hey Shaun, I have a question..will u ever come to Romania?just visiting I say..it would be nice..you could bring some CD’s here ‘couse in this country I can’t find any of them
We celebrated my oldest daughter’s 1st birthday the day after a wedding at a Cracker Barrel in West Virginia. We had over 30 family members lined up and like Shaun said they gave her a pancake with whip cream and the whole restaurant sang her Happy Birthday. It was great! She still totally loves CB and now she’s 7.
haha.. I personally never would have thought that I would be sniffing someone bum 5 times a day to check if he has poo’d!